It made sense to my dream self at the time

I had a dream last night, in which I had to fulfill a duty. Said duty involved going into a dark labyrinth and getting eaten by a monster. You know, that “for the good of the people” type of situation.

So of course I took with me some moisturizer and a Moleskine. Because obviously I have my priorities.

Plantation life: 1980-1981 pics

Pater’s been sending over scans of his transparency slides. Yes, my dad still keeps hundred of transparencies. I was fascinated with them as a kid.

1980 - Shan & me at computer
1980 – Computer, VCR, TV. We were state of the art, man.

1981 - Ismail, Shan, Mum, me, sorta Leon, dog at estate football match
1981 – I am kicking it. Apparently Li’l Bro is incubating in Mum in this pic.

1981 - Mum & me, Pamol
1981 – Mum pregnant with Li’l Bro. This may likely be the most delicate you’ll ever see me.

1981 - Me, dog, Shan at Pamol

1981 - Shan, Paps, me, Pamol

1981 - Me, Paps, Shan
1981 – Original gangsta.

1981 - Me, Mum, Shan

1981 - Me on swing 11981 - Me on swing 2

E-mail exchange between Li’l Bro and I regarding a pic not shown here:

Him: Lynn’s naked with a pistol!

Me: I do all my best work naked with a pistol.

Him: Ewwww.

Conversation snippet: Newlywed bed

“We could put rose petals on the newlyweds’ bed.”

“Or a chicken.”

“A chicken?”

“It symbolizes fertility!”

“Do we just put a dead chicken on the bed?”

“That’s too much like The Godfather. . . .”

“No, live chickens.”

“. . . Where would we get live chickens?”

“. . .”

“We could just get raw chicken pieces and put those on the bed.”

“That would really kill the mood.”

Conversation snippet: TV dust

“I haven’t watched TV for a month. Really! There’s a layer of dust on my TV screen!”

“You could use that as a message board.”

“Yeah. Someone wrote “Hi” with a smiley face on the dust. . . Somebody also wrote, ‘Get the duster.’ I still don’t know who it was. . .”

Random (bad) movie synopses

Sometimes IMDB synopses kill me. For example:

Violent Blue — “Katarina is a music teacher obsessed with an unfinished symphony. She worries about her brother, Ondrej an introverted inventor whose financiers are reputedly shady and dangerous. Then one day, her ex-husband Pietro shows up in her house and locks her in a cage.”

Aaaaaaaaand random.

Bonus points if it’s a SciFi (now Syfy) channel production. You can always tell:

Piranhaconda — “Part Snake! Part Fish! All Killer!”

(Sidenote: To this day, nobody can give a good reason as to why Syfy decided to respell its name. It’s as if it thought it had to test the devotion of sci-fi/fantasy fans. The devotion of sci-fi/fantasy fans.)

At any rate, you can tell it has given up by this point and resorted to combining random nouns in order to come up with plotpoints. See Arachnoquake.

I have to say, though, Sharktopus did produce one of my favourite TV Guide reviews:

“If you’re only going to watch one film about a shark-octopus hybrid that roars, walks on land and leaves a body count in its wake, then make it this one.”

That, my friends, is a line indeed.