It's not how you say it but how you say it

A page in the Anthropologie catalogue reads:

IN HIS BAG:
a pick
two hammers
a compass
broken shells
several maps
binoculars
a handful of sand
one flashlight
(no batteries)
a glove
In The Maine Woods
graph paper
a notepad
many pencils
one good pen

I know they’re trying to make it sound all dreamy and poetic, but the first thought that came into my mind was: “Oh gawd, she’s going to die.”