For Tangerine, who asked me to write about Iruka and Genma. In their underwear. :D
"Okay," Gemna whispered, breath hot in Iruka's ear. "Here's what we do. We strip down, and distract them."
Iruka blinked at the far wall, which, he was certain, was tilting. "I'm not sure that will work."
"Yes it will."
It was hard to argue with logic like that.
"Strip naked?" Iruka heard himself squeak.
"Okay," Genma breathed. "Just to our underwear."
Iruka pulled the waistband of his pants away from his stomach, peering in. Yup, he was wearing underwear. Phew. For a moment there, he couldn't remember putting any on that morning. "All right," he said finally.
"Okay. Let's go." Genma slid out of the bench and fell to the floor. Iruka looked at him, watched him slap a hand heavily on the tabletop, and drag himself back to his feet. "Come on," Genma said, apparently unflustered that he'd just landed on his ass.
Iruka wiggled out of the bench seat and stood as well, clinging to the other man. Laughing breathily, barely upright, Genma started to strip Iruka.
Turnabout was fair play, and since he couldn't get to his own buttons with Genma's hands in the way . . . Iruka started to strip Genma.
There was a moment of concern, when neither of them could figure out how to work a belt buckle, but a well-placed kunai from a nearby shinobi helped that along.
"Ready?" Genma breathed, stuffing his feet back into unlaced boots after pulling his pants off.
There was something really wrong with this plan, Iruka was certain. But he was getting catcalls, and that was always a good thing. So he grinned sloppily and staggered with Genma up to the stage.
The hoots got a lot louder.
Then the music came on, and there were words on the screen, and they were singing "I Will Survive" in loud, off-tune voices. Iruka was certain the plan had worked. People were so distracted by their near-nakedness, they didn't even notice they were singing. Success.
Not two minutes later--not even before they got through their song--they were thrown out of the bar.
"Damn," Genma sighed forlornly. "I left my lucky senbon back there."
Iruka couldn’t stop giggling. The bouncer had grabbed his ass, he was sure of it, but it hadn't been on purpose, and the look on the man's face . . .
"Genma," Iruka tried to whisper, but somehow it turned into a whole body movement and he fell forward, leaning against the other man. "I think I'm drunk," he said to Genma's Adam's apple.
"Those are really sexy underwear," Genma said.
Iruka looked down. White boxer-briefs. That made him giggle. "You have the same ones," he pointed out.
Genma studied his own underwear for a long moment. "Yeah," he said finally. "You know what we should do?"
"What?" Iruka asked, still leaning against Genma.
"Go to my place. I have beer."
"I think I'm drunk," Iruka repeated. This was a problem, he was sure of it.
"Beer will fix it."
Iruka was pretty sure that wasn't the way it worked. "Are you certain?"
It was hard to argue with logic like that. Iruka stumbled down the street after Genma, on a sidewalk that, he was sure, kept moving. Damn ninja sidewalks. Couldn't be trusted.
"Damn ninja sidewalks," Iruka said out loud. "Can't be trusted."
Genma thought this was hilarious. So hilarious, in fact, that they had to stop moving while he laughed. Then he sat down in the street, and kept laughing.
"Genma," Iruka sighed, having nearly fallen over, only to be saved by a streetlamp that leapt into his path. "I need beer." He desperately needed to be less drunk.
Somehow, he suspected that logic didn't work. That was okay. He giggled. O-kay. O-kay. Ok-ay.
A young couple gave them a wide berth, and Iruka waved happily. Really, they acted like it wasn't normal to see two drunken men in their underwear and boots wandering around the village.
"Genma . . . " Iruka whined. "C'mon. Beer." Together, they managed to get Genma upright, then Iruka upright, then Genma upright once more, and they staggered down the street.
Genma's apartment seemed to have moved. They tried three before they got to the right one, and Iruka was pretty certain they'd stunned the old lady who'd answered the door at the second one.
Genma said it was because they were hot. Iruka was inclined to believe him. After all, they both worked out. And they were both ninja. And muscley. And he'd now seen Genma in his underwear, in tight white boxer-briefs, and he could attest to the fact that Genma was, indeed, hot. Iruka was pretty sure that he was hot too, because he couldn't possibly work out as much as he did and not be hot.
In fact, he pondered as Genma tried valiantly to unlock a door that kept moving, Genma had a nice butt. Sort of cheeky. Which made Iruka giggle some more.
"I have some bad news," Genma whispered loudly.
"What?" Iruka whispered back.
Genma started to laugh. "I can't get the door to unlock."
Iruka took the key, aimed carefully, and jammed it toward the hole.
The hole jumped out of the way.
"Damn," Iruka whispered.
"Yeah," Genma whispered back.
They pondered the problem.
"Wait!" Iruka said.
"Shhhh," Genma whispered.
"Sorry. I have an idea!"
Genma swayed toward him, then back again, and finally leaned against the wall. "What?"
Iruka paused, waving the key back and forth in front of his eyes, watching the neat trails it made through the air.
If he moved it fast enough, he could spell his name.
He held it in front of Genma's face and swirled it in circles really fast. It felt so interesting to swirl his hand like that, he started to do it again.
Genma grabbed his fingers and stared at him. "Iruka?"
Iruka looked at him. "Huh?"
"What's your idea?"
"Oh! Well, we're ninja. We can just go in through the window."
"Good idea!" Genma beamed.
"Shhh," Iruka reminded him. Though, honestly, he wasn't sure why they were whispering.
"There's a window over here," Genma whispered.
"Good," Iruka said. "Because I'm getting cold."
He was pretty sure that Genma was trying to leer at him, but when the man nearly fell forward, it ruined the effect. Iruka giggled. It didn't stop Genma from saying, "I could warm you up," even as he collapsed into Iruka, grabbing hold of the man's shoulders with both hands to keep from dropping entirely. His face landed on Iruka's collarbones.
"Window?" Iruka asked.
Genma shoved upward. "Right. This way."
It was behind a bush. Iruka tried to get through, had problems, tried again, only to realize that the bush had been possessed and was attacking him. "Genma!" he called, mired in the bush, both feet off the ground and his head in danger of smashing the wall. "Help!"
Genma bellowed and kicked the bush.
The bush retaliated by nearly throwing Iruka to the ground. Iruka started to giggle, and managed a whispered, "Shhh."
Genma bellowed another yell and struck with his fingertips.
This time, the bush let him go. He fell to the ground with his feet in the air. He wiggled them. Shoelaces dangled. He waved them again, just for the nice heavy feel.
Nice. Sounded like ice. Sounded like lice. Which were gross. He giggled.
Genma dropped to his knees beside Iruka, between the bush and the building. "You okay?"
"Mmmm." Iruka smiled happily. "You're hot." He lifted a finger and trailed it down Genma's stomach muscles. White boxer-briefs. Those were always good. "I like you."
Genma nearly fell over on top of him, settling into the dirt. "I like me, too."
"I like . . . your hair." Genma smiled and somehow seemed to drop even closer to the ground, without actually falling over. "You have nice hair." He was petting it.
Iruka giggled. "You have nice . . . underwear."
"And I like the parts not in the underwear," Iruka added, trailing a finger up defined stomach muscles, over pecs.
Genma laughed breathily, and leaned over to kiss him.
When the other ninja moved away, Iruka smiled. "I like that, too."
Good lord, how much had he had to drink? Iruka whimpered and threw an arm over his eyes, trying hard not to notice the sunlight through his lids. He had the worst kink in his back. Felt almost like he was lying on a rock.
He rolled over, throwing an arm over a pillow. That was better. No more kink.
Something was scratching his leg. He kicked. It scratched harder. And now that he thought about it, his pillow was moving.
Iruka cracked an eye. The first thing he saw was Genma, drooling. The next thing he realized was that he could see dirt. And sky.
Slowly, trying to decide how much he really cared and how much he just wanted to die, he sat up and looked around.
They were outside. A neighbor froze, in the middle of walking his dog.
Iruka smiled cheerily and waved, then melted back down behind the hedge.
Good lord. He lay in the dirt, his feet stuck in the bush, and watched a spider make a web around his toes.
"Genma," he croaked.
Genma snorted and rolled over onto him.
Iruka shoved the other man. "Genma." He couldn’t remember how he'd gotten in a bush. Nor could he remember what, exactly, had happened after they'd entered the Karaoke bar. He remembered Kakashi, and shots, and he and Genma staring hard as Kakashi drank, in the hopes of seeing the man's face. Iruka was certain he'd drunk the shots, but he didn't remember that much.
"Fi' more m'nutes," Genma burbled.
"Wake up!" Iruka snapped, smacking the man's head.
Genma sat straight up, blinking. "'m up. 'm up."
He was NAKED.
Wait, no. He had underwear on. And boots. And somehow, that was much worse. If he'd been naked then it was just naked. But with underwear and boots on, it seemed to highlight the fact that the rest of him was very, very bare.
And really well muscled. His legs looked very strong, the muscles defined and flexing easily under fairly smooth skin. Goosebumped skin, and there was a tan line--
Iruka dragged his mind back to the problem. The problem was that they were hidden behind a bush, and he couldn't remember how they gotten there. And also, Genma was nearly naked.
"Genma," Iruka said. "You're nearly naked."
Genma looked down. "Huh." Then he looked over. "You, too."
Iruka looked down. Well, damn. Sure enough, there was his bare stomach, all tan and smooth. He patted a hand on his abs, brushing off dirt. "Um. How did we get naked?" He'd lost a boot. A peer into the bush showed it hidden inside.
Genma muttered something, but Iruka was pretty sure it wasn't an explanation. Then he added, louder, "We should go inside."
That was something Iruka could agree with. Of course, the door was awfully far away . . .
He was about to mention this fact when Genma stood up, stretched luxuriously, and--scratching--sauntered toward the window.
In plain view of the entire world.
In his underwear. And boots.
"Genma!" Iruka hissed.
"What?" Genma asked, turning and looking back innocently.
Genma glanced down. "Not really. You sore anywhere?"
"Sore? Why would I be sore?"
Genma looked at him speculatively. "Nevermind," he said with a smirk.
If Iruka wasn't so hungover, he would have sworn Genma had just leered at him.
"Come on," the other ninja said, stretching his long body, totally oblivious to the fact that he was putting on a show for anyone who cared to look. He ran fingers through his hair, brushing out leaves, then adjusted his underwear on his hipbones. "I'll make breakfast." He opened the window and stepped inside.
Iruka hesitated, glancing around. He didn't see anyone watching . . . and . . . breakfast. He scrambled to his feet and darted inside the window as quick as he could.
Across the street, Anko sighed and put the binoculars away. Ninja in underwear. With bodies like those, no one could blame her for spying.