Lee woke up before dawn the next day, full of energy and courage. After a few minutes simply smiling at the ceiling, he leapt out of bed and laid out the suit he'd picked for his date later that day. He debated the merits of trying it on, to make sure it still fit, but decided against it--there was no doubt in his mind that the day would go perfectly. After all, hadn't the coin he'd flipped before bed landed just as he'd thought? So it would go perfectly. He knew it would. That thought in mind, he made himself presentable and went to find the one person who could help him.
He found Gai running his customary 500 laps around the village. Though he'd already completed 348 laps, he wasn't even winded. Truly the foremost ninja in the village. Lee fell into step beside him. "Good morning, Gai- sensei!" he said.
"Lee!" Gai answered, flashing a glinty smile at his favorite student. "What brings you out here so early this morning?"
"I have a question to ask you, Gai-sensei."
"Oh, really? What about?" Gai patted Lee on the shoulder. "Whatever it is, I'll do my very best to help you find the answer."
Lee took a deep breath and screwed up his courage. "Gai-sensei, how do you please a woman?"
He waited for an answer, unable to look at Gai in his nervousness. What would he think of Lee now? Would he condemn him, tell him he should wait for marriage before losing his virginity? Or would he laugh? Did other men have these kinds of worries before their first times, or was he the only one?
It took him a few moments to realize that Gai was no longer running at his side. Instead, his teacher had stopped dead in his tracks and was staring at him. Lee ran back to him and waited, slowly losing confidence as the silence stretched on.
"...Gai-sensei?" he asked.
"Lee," Gai answered. There was another pause, then Gai fixed Lee with a serious stare. "Are you planning on having sex with a woman?"
Lee looked away and nodded. He clasped his hands together behind his back, waiting for his teacher's reaction. When he couldn't stand the silence anymore, he looked back at Gai, and his jaw dropped open at what he saw.
"Gai-sensei?" he asked. "Why are you crying?"
Gai put his hands on Lee's shoulders, tears streaming from his eyes. "Lee," he said. "I never thought this day would come, and yet here it is. When I first met you, you were a boy. A boy with a dream and the drive to see it through, but a boy still. But now..." he paused to wipe his face. "Now, Lee, you are about to become a man."
Tears streamed out of Lee's eyes as he absorbed the meaning of Gai's words. "Gai-sensei!" he cried.
Lee threw his arms around Gai, and Gai returned the favor. They held each other until they'd stopped crying, and then Gai released him and pointed to the rising sun.
"Now, Lee!" he said. "Go to TenTen! For she, being a woman herself, will be better equipped to answer your question than I!"
"Yes, Gai-sensei!" Lee ran off in the direction of TenTen's house, eyes afire with youthful vigor. He grinned as he reentered the village. He would succeed in his quest! With the tips TenTen would give him, he would succeed!
= = =
"Lee, it's 5:30 in the morning," TenTen grumbled as she answered the door. Lee felt slightly guilty for waking her up--her ankle was still in a cast from their last mission, and she needed rest to let it heal. Also, he wasn't sure of the proper etiquette in these situations. Did one just come right out and say it, or did one lead up to it with preliminary conversation, then go for the--
"What're you waiting for?" TenTen asked, limping back to her kitchen table and sitting down. "Come in."
Lee entered her house and closed the door behind him, then looked around. The kitchen was small but cozy, decorated in warm yellows. There was coffee brewing on the counter. Lee poured out a mug of it and handed it to TenTen as he sat down at the table next to her.
"Thanks, Lee," she said, taking a sip. "Now, why are you here?"
Lee looked her in the eye. "TenTen," he said seriously, "how do you please a woman?"
TenTen spit out her coffee. Lee easily dodged, then grabbed a napkin off the table and wiped the mess off the floor. Maybe he'd chosen the wrong strategy for this conversation.
"Um, well, Lee..." TenTen said slowly. "Flowers are... always good, I guess. And a nice dinner. That'll get her in the mood."
"Ah, TenTen?" Lee interrupted. "I was actually asking about specific techniques."
"Oh." TenTen stared at him blankly for a moment, then looked away and blushed. "I can't really help you with that, Lee. Sorry."
"But TenTen, you're a woman yourself, right? Surely, you must know what Neji does to satisfy you!"
"I can't really explain it Lee," TenTen answered, waving at him to go away. "But I'm sure Gai-sensei can."
"He sent me to you," Lee said mournfully.
"Well, I'm sure he can, uh, find you someone else."
Lee nodded thoughtfully. "You're probably right," he said. "Sorry to wake you up so early." He headed for the door.
"No problem, I should keep to my sleep schedule," she answered. "Sorry I couldn't be more help."
Lee raised a hand in acknowledgment as he walked out the door. The first step in his quest had been a false one; TenTen hadn't been able to give him the technical help he needed. Very well, then. Lightning never strikes twice in the same place. Gai-sensei wouldn't lead him false again.
= = =
His only thought as he looked his rival in the eye was that Gai-sensei had led him false again.
"What do you want?" Neji said sullenly. When Lee didn't answer, he crossed his arms over his chest. "Some of us have things to do."
The wind blew Neji's hair around, and sakura blossoms momentarily interfered with their staring contest. Lee screwed up his courage and squashed his pride.
"Neji," he said, "how do you please a woman?"
Neji blinked. "...what did you just ask me?" he said slowly.
"I said," Lee repeated, "'Neji, How do you please a woman?'"
"Oh." Neji narrowed his eyes. "Can't help you. Go away."
"I said, I'm not leaving until you teach me," Lee insisted. "I'm putting aside my manly pride to ask you this, Neji. You should respect that."
"Well, I don't," Neji answered. "You want me to tell you, you'll have to beat me. Whatever you want. I'm feeling generous today."
"OK," Lee said, smiling. "In that case, I've already won."
Neji frowned in confusion. "What are you talking about, Lee? You haven't even picked the contest yet."
"Staring contest," Lee said smoothly. "Earlier. You blinked first."
Neji blinked again as he processed the information. "...damn," he said.
"Now, you were saying about pleasing women?"
Neji sighed and fumbled around in his pocket for something. "Well, I've heard these work really well," he said, tossing something to Lee. Lee studied it carefully. It was a small foil package of some sort, with writing on it.
"'Hyuuga Brand?' Your family makes condoms, Neji?"
Neji blushed. "Yeah. I mean, how do you think we make all our money? Missions don't pay that much."
"I see," Lee said, continuing to study the package. "'Guaranteed to stimulate chakra flow,' that makes sense..." He blinked and did a double take. "Waitaminute, Neji, you've heard these work? You don't know?"
Neji looked away and mumbled something under his breath.
"What did you say?"
"I said," Neji growled, still refusing to look at Lee, "'TenTen and I haven't gotten that far yet.'"
"Oh," Lee said. A sudden realization made him smirk. "Oh! That means I win again!"
Neji raised an eyebrow. "Really? What is it this time, worst haircut?"
Lee narrowed his eyes at his longtime rival. "Insult Gai-sensei's haircut again and I will kick your ass."
"Sure you will," Neji answered. "But really, what could you have possibly beaten me in? I'm curious."
Lee puffed himself up with pride. "This very night, I will learn the way of the flower!"
Neji blinked. "Uh, Lee? Could you try that again?"
Lee's smirk grew wider than he'd thought possible. "Tonight is the night I lose my virginity."
Neji stared at him for a moment. Then his lips quirked, as close as Neji ever got to real laughter.
"What?" Lee asked sourly, his face falling. "What's so funny?"
"You're such a dunce, Lee," Neji said. "Do you really think I carry condoms around every day? TenTen and I are going to sleep together tonight, too."
Lee huffed, his good mood completely spoiled. Of course Neji would beat him to this too, or at least tie. Of course. Then he looked at Neji's smug smirk again. His blood boiled. No way would he lose to his rival now!
"Neji!" he cried, "what say we make this a competition?"
"What the hell are you talking about, Lee?"
"Let's meet again tomorrow," Lee smiled, confident once again, "You and I, Sakura and TenTen, and determine which of us was more successful in his quest to satisfy their beloved!"
Neji raised both eyebrows. "You're serious, Lee?" Lee nodded. "Well, then," Neji said, returning the nod, "I'll see you tomorrow."
After a moment's heated glare, the two rivals parted. Neji went back to his training and Lee started down the path to his house, a determined fire in his heart. He would beat Neji in this venture, and please Sakura-san more than any other man ever could! She would be awed and overwhelmed by the force and skill of his love!
It wasn't until he reached his house that he realized Neji had given him no tips, only a condom. Well, it was a start. He sighed and ran off to find Gai-sensei again. This time, he'd get the help he needed for sure.
= = =
In the Hyuuga clan's mansion, Neji swore as he realized he'd given Lee his only condom. Then he shrugged and got another out of the basket on the kitchen table. There were advantages to being born into a family that sold sex aids for a living.
= = =
By the time Lee found him again, Gai had finished his laps and started on his morning sit-ups. Currently, he was at number 208 out of 1000. Lee dropped to the ground beside his teacher and started doing them himself.
"Lee!" Gai said. "How did it go?"
"Not so well, Gai-sensei," Lee replied, falling into Gai's rhythm. "Neji hasn't had sex. He couldn't help me."
"Is that so? From the way he and TenTen are when they're together, I'd've thought they'd already... but no matter. What do you plan to do now, Lee?"
"I was about to ask you the same thing!" Lee cried. "You must know how to satisfy a woman! Please, Gai-sensei, help me! I don't have anywhere else to turn."
Gai stopped his exercise, his eyes dark. He folded his arms over his bended knees and stared off into the distance. "I can't do that, Lee."
"Why not? I don't understand, Gai-sensei." Lee stopped as well, studying his teacher curiously.
"Well, you see..."
Gai explained. He looked at Lee, but Lee refused to meet his eyes. Instead, he stared at the ground, brows knit together.
"...Lee?" Gai asked. The tension grew.
Then Lee looked up and smiled. "Don't worry, Gai-sensei," he said, "I still respect you!"
Gai's eyes teared up. "Lee!" he cried. He moved to pull Lee into an embrace, but hesitated, unsure of whether Lee would feel comfortable hugging... someone like him.
Lee solved the problem for him by hugging him first. "Gai-sensei!"
"I was so worried, Lee!"
"I know, Gai-sensei! But you're still the coolest ninja ever!"
Eventually, they managed to calm each other down. Lee drew away from Gai, wiping at his eyes with his sleeve. Gai did the same.
"Now, Lee," he said, "I hope this is the only time I will ever have to say this."
"What is it, Gai-sensei?" Lee said, watching Gai as if he were about to tell him the ultimate secrets of life. Gai looked at Lee seriously.
"There is one person who can help you, though it pains me to send you to him..."
"Who is it, Gai-sensei?"
"My eternal rival, Kakashi!"
= = =
Lee found Kakashi and his team resetting traps in one of the many training fields surrounding Konoha. He observed them for a moment. Or, rather, he observed Sakura as she gracefully set a land mine in the ground and crouched down to arm it. Truly the most beautiful woman in the world. He contemplated her for a moment longer, then looked around for Kakashi. Not surprisingly, the jounin was sitting on a tree branch, leaning against the trunk and reading a book.
"Hi, Thick-Brows!" Naruto called, having finished with his current trap. Lee waved to him, but melted when Sakura looked up, a jeweler's screwdriver between her teeth.
"Wha izh ich, Dee?" she asked. Sasuke looked up from his own task, raised an eyebrow, and returned to it. Lee was momentarily irritated until he remembered his purpose for being here.
"Hello Sakura-san, Naruto-kun, Sasuke-kun!" he called back. Then he looked up at Kakashi. "Kakashi-sensei!" he called. "Could I speak with you for a moment?"
"Why?" Kakashi said, not moving an inch except to turn the page.
"Gai-sensei sent me here to ask you a question!"
"And what question is that, Lee-kun?"
Lee took a deep breath. "Kakashi-sensei, how do you please a woman?"
At this, Kakashi did look up, visible eye round with surprise. There was a small clang as the screwdriver fell out of Sakura's mouth, which was lax in shock. Sasuke looked like he'd been dealt a mortal blow.
"No way! Thick-Brows is getting laid?" Naruto yelled. "How does that even work?"
Lee grinned glintily. "Well, it's all thanks to the help of the lovely--"
"Lee, shut up," Sakura ordered, face buried in her hands.
"OK, Sakura-san!" Lee answered, then turned back to Kakashi. "Please help me, Kakashi-sensei! I've been searching for technical help all day!"
Kakashi shook his head as Sakura made small choked sounds. "Can't help you right now, Lee-kun," he said. "As you can see, I'm supervising my team right now."
Lee's face fell. "But Kakashi-sensei! If you can't help me, how will I ensure that she's satisfied tonight?"
"Tonight?" Naruto cried. "That is so not fair! I didn't even know he was dating someone!"
"Shut up, idiot," said Sasuke, who had returned to his task, doing everything in his power to avoid listening to the conversation.
"Well," Kakashi said thoughtfully. "I guess I could give you something..."
"What is it, Kakashi-sensei?" Lee asked expectantly.
Kakashi reached into his pouch and threw something at him. Lee caught it before it hit the ground and studied the cover carefully.
"...The 'Chakra Sutra'?"
"Taught me everything I know about women," Kakashi said seriously. Lee opened to one of the middle pages and blushed. Then he looked back up at Kakashi with a wide grin.
"Thank you, Kakashi-sensei!" he said. "With this book, I will have the best night ever!" He turned to Sakura and waved. "Bye, Sakura-san! See you tonight!" Then he bounded off. He had training to do!
= = =
"Bye, Sakura-san! See you tonight!" Kakashi blinked. He looked at Lee's departing back, then at Sakura's red face, then back at Lee. His eyebrow twitched.
Tomorrow, someone was going to get hurt.
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