Disclaimer! these guys all belong to . . .uh . . . weeeelllll, if it's creator rights, then J. Scott Campbell. If not, Image comics. I'm not making any money (Sob) so puh-lease don't sue me!

Comments welcome! Warning: I will respond to flames. You have been warned.

"How 'bout this one?" Freefall popped her gum and looked up at the tree, hoping against hope that everyone would say it was okay. After three hours searching for the right Christmas tree she was cold, tired, and she thought maybe her feet were going numb. That was quite unusual in California. If only Mr. Lynch had told her they were going into the mountains to get the stupid thing.

"Naw, that one's too yellow, Rox." She snapped her gum loudly and glared at Grunge.

"This one's green."

"And short."

"What about this one over here?"

"It's got a great big hole in the middle!"

"We can put that side by the wall."

"No way! The tree's going in the middle of the room."

"Side!"

"Midd--"

"CHILDREN!" All heads turned to the tall man in black who was impatiently tapping his foot.

"If we could please just pick a tree? I didn't mean to be here all day."

Feet shuffled and they dispersed back into the large tree lot, where quickly you could hear "This one?"

"Naw, that one's short."

"No it's not! It's taller than you are!"

"Guys, let's not fight. What about this one?"

"Was not short."

"Roxy!"

"Okay, okay, sheesh."

"This is tall."

"I could set that thing on fire using only smoke, Kat."

"Oooh! This one's great!"

"It's leaning."

"So? you guys and Lynch can fix that."

"Oh yeah? Why us?"

"'Cause you're big and strong. (And gullible enough to be talked into it.)"

"Well Bobby, she is right, we are pretty buff."

"Guys, I just found the best tree here!" Sarah smiled as she tried to catch her breath, gesturing as she did so behind her.

"Lead on flower girl." Grunge smiled and Rainmaker threatened to turn him into bug food, but she lead them to the Christmas tree anyway.

A beam of sunlight shone down on the twelve foot tree, glistening off of the needles.

"Wow." was the only sound heard.

***

"Mr. Lynch! We found the tree!"

As they came out of the mini-forest, Caitlin holding the giant thing on her shoulder, he almost choked at the sight of it.

"How much?" He finally managed to gasp out.

"Only ninety-nine dollars and sixty four cents!" Rox called happily.

"Ninety nine . . ." He stared vacantly into space, wondering at which point they forgot the fifty dollar price limit.

"Should I put it on the roof of the van?" Kat asked, struggling to push pine needles out of her eyes.

"Yeah, I'll get some rope to tie it on there." Bobby started digging around in the back of the car, oblivious to the trunk swinging over his head.

"Oh! Woops. Um, someone is going to have to stand on the other side and make sure it doesn't fall again." Once more, Caitlin hefted it into her arms, tossing it up on the roof of the van as Bobby stood up, triumphantly holding the rope.

THUNK

"I think he's coming around. Bobby? Can you hear me?"

"RuBbEr DuCkY, YoU'Re ThE OnE. YoU MakE BaThTimE So MuCh FuN . . ."

"I think we better let him rest a little more."

"Um . . . the tree is falling again."

The crash as it fell from the car was astounding, the only noise after the crash the sound of Bobby moaning from beneath the tree.

"Oops. Grunge, help me lift it off him." With Caitlin lifting the trunk, and Grunge lifting the tip, they were able to pull it off Burnout without stepping on him and lift it back onto the van while Mr. Lynch moved Bobby and made sure he was okay.

"Someone tie it up!"

"How?"

"I think we could put it through the windows . . ."

"And drive back down the mountain with the windows down? Are you nuts?"

"I can't hold on much longer Kat!"

"You can do it Grunge! Just a little bit more!"

"I can't get the rope over the tree."

"Just throw it."

"I was."

"Oh. Right."

"Here, open the door, I might be able to step up and toss the end of the rope from there."

"Heads up! Here it comes!"

"Groan . . ."

"Is Bobby okay?"

"Rainmaker you dolt! You missed it!"

"Hey, it's not my fault you have lousy aim."

"You turned around!"

"Uh, girls? If you could get this thing tied?"

"Oh, right."

"What if we tied it to these bars up here?"

"No Roxanna. Those aren't made to hold something as heavy as a tree."

"Humph."

"I'm telling you, just tie it through the windows!"

"We'll freeze!"

"The tree is about to fall!"

"Wow. My head hurts. Feels like a house was dropped on it."

"Timmmmmbbberrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Oof!"

"Oops."

"I thought you moved Bobby, Mr. L."

"I did."

"Oh."

"Is he okay?"

"Let's get the tree off him and find out."

"One two three lift!"

"Bobby? Are you okay?"

"It's A cOnSpiRaCy ScuLLy. . . "

"Hmm."

"I think I'll just move him to the front of the van."

"Mr. L? You think you could hold this instead of me?"

"Sigh. Caitlin, you take that side, I'll take this side. And . . . Lift!"

"Tie it quick!"

"Sarah! Stop pushing on it!"

"I'm not, Grunge, you're the one pushing!"

"Liar!"

"Am NOT!"

"Oops."

"EEK!"

"Ack!"

THUMP.

"That looks painful."

"Is Bobby okay?"

"How in the world did you manage to push it off the FRONT of the van?!"

"It was an accident!"

"Bobby?"

"He looks bad."

"KnOw WhaT TimE It Is? ToOl TiMe . . ."

"I think he watches too much T.V."

*** "Geez, how long does it take to put a Christmas tree up?"

"You guys cut it wrong. We have to re-cut it now."

"Gripe gripe gripe."

"Fine, you put it up!"

"Well, we could at least do it faster!"

"Oh yeah? You put it up with only two people!"

"What happened to Bobby?"

"He won't go near it. He says it's out to get him."

"Oh."

"It's up!"

Lynch stepped away from the tree, admiring his handiwork as the kids came in from the kitchen.

"It looks great!"

"It's leaning."

"Only a little."

"And little more, and more . . . and more . . . watch out! It's coming down!"

"BOBBY! GET OUT OF THE-- way."

"Ouch."

"Someone call Anna with the first aid kit."

"Hmm. I guess we need a bigger stand."

***

"Oooh! This one's painted like snow!"

"I like this one with the pretend presents."

"That's so childish."

"You should know."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Mr. L, could we get this one?"

"What's that on it?"

"Babes in string bikinis and Santa hats!"

"No."

"Party pooper."

"Here we are. Industrial strength tree stand."

"That's ugly."

"I want the one with the Santa hats on it!"

"Babes!"

"Santa hats!"

"Babes!"

"We're getting this one."

"Spoil sport."

***

"Did you find one?"

"Yes, Anna. Did you know that this thing cost almost two hundred dollars?"

"Ooh."

"How's Bobby?"

"Well, first he was reciting lines from "A Christmas Carol" and now he refuses to come out of his room."

"Smart man."

"Grunge, help me get the tree off the floor. Caitlin, hold it up while we put it in the stand. Roxy, get the stand out of the box. Sarah, move."

As the tree ever so slowly got back up into it's standing position, and into it's new stand, everyone stood back once again to admire it.

"Sweet!"

"Um, Mr. L?"

"Just a minute Roxy."

"Mr. L!"

"Just a minute."

"LYNCH! It's falling!"

"Crap."

***

"So, how did you guys finally get it to stay standing?" Bobby asked over dinner.

"We nailed it to a six foot by six foot plywood board."

"Kat, you got needles in your hair."

"Pass the salt."

"What do you want salt for?"

"Duh! Everyone knows you can put salt on anything!"

"Eew."

"Please don't eat that Grunge-man."

"I don't believe he just ate that."

"Hey! Guys! Tomorrow we get to put the decorations on the tree!"

The sudden silence in the room was overwhelming.

***

"Here's one for you, and one for you, and one for you . . . hey, where's Bobby?"

"Hiding in his room."

"Oh. Grunge, you don't have a Santa hat on!"

"I don't want one."

"Yes you do."

"No I don't."

"Yes you do."

"No, I don't."

"Yes--"

"Um Roxy? Not everyone wants Santa hats."

"Don't stick your tongue out at her. Don't stick your tongue out at me either! Stop it!"

"Make me."

"Why you little . . ."

"Hey, Kat, you think you could put this one up there?"

"Sure."

"Ow! That hurt!"

"Ah yes, the spirit of Christmas."

"Careful Grunge! Don't pull on the tree!"

"Duh! I think I know that!"

"Stop biting!"

"Girls!"

"Sorry Mr. L."

"Sorry."

"Hey, what's that sound?"

"Someone catch the tree!"

"Bobby's got it!"

"What?" Bobby said as he turned.

"Ouch."

"Poor guy."

"Pull the thing off him!"

"Bobby? How many fingers am I holding up?"

"FliNtSTonEs, MeEt ThE FLiNtStoNeS . . ."

"He's okay."

"Yeah, right. He looks great."

"Someone tighten the stand, even I can't hold this forever."

"I'm tightening it now, Caitlin."

"Bobby, move back. You're a jinx."

"Ugh . . ."

"Got it?"

"Yeah, you can let it go now."

"Whew."

"Who picked this stupid tree anyway?"

"You did."

"Only because you guys kept fighting about it!"

"Yeah right."

"Someone turn on the Christmas carols."

"How 'bout Amy Grant?"

"Amy Grant does Christmas carols?"

"Duh."

"No, some real Christmas carols."

"Bing Crosby? Who's that?"

"I think it's that comedy dude."

"Someone else."

"Um. Howza 'bout "The Big Christmas Carol C.D."?"

"Okay."

"Don't put that ornament there! That goes with the rest of the train."

"What? Fine, this one got unhitched."

"It can't get unhitched!"

"Why not?"

"Egg Nog anyone?"

"Me!"

"It can too be unhitched!"

"I want some!"

"No, it's not unhitched, now put it over there with the rest of the train."

"Ooh! Look at the pretty lace ornaments!"

"With the rest of the train!"

"I'm gonna put all of these ones together."

"You can't do that!"

"What?"

"Put them all together. Scatter them all over the tree so that it looks nice."

"This does look nice!"

"No, like this!"

"Tinsel fight!"

"Ack!"

"Not down my shirt! Not down my shirt!"

"NO ICE CUBES!"

"Eek! Grunge, we just said no ice cubes!"

"I called it off!"

"You are so dead!"

"Ha! I got the can of fake snow! Everyone just better back off!"

"How appropriate. Burnout with fake snow."

"What is going on in here?!"

"LET'S GET MR. LYNCH!"

"Anna, don't do it!"

"AAAGGGGHHHH!"

"RETREAT! HE'S GOT THE HOSE!"

"Not fair! not fair!"

"And all of you attacking me is?"

"YES!"

"Okay, who put the t-rex eating the little snowman?"

"Thank you, thank you, no applause, just throw money!"

"Yeah right!"

"Grunge, you can't make the t-rex eating the snowman!"

"Why not?"

"Yeah, why not?"

"Just because! What do we have a t-rex Christmas ornament for anyway? It's not very Christmasy."

"I got it in a happy meal."

"Yuck, what is this song?"

"I like it!"

"Turn it off!"

"Don't touch it!"

"Someone kill the poor moose already!"

"Very funny!"

"Yum! Gingerbread cookies!"

"You know how much fat those things have?"

"Who cares?"

"Eew."

"Don't even think about putting salt on them!"

"I wasn't! I wasn't'!"

"There! The tree's done!"

"It looks great!"

"Now for the rest of the house!"

"Groan."

***

"What in the-- Who put the Santa on the toilet?!"

"Pretty cool huh?"

"Get it off!"

"Geez."

"Can someone put this wreath up there?"

"Why there? Why not over here?"

"It looks better here."

"No it doesn't."

"Ha!"

"Give it back!"

"Who moved the stockings?"

"I did. They were about to catch on fire."

"But they looked so good!"

"Whoa, Bobby just kissed Sarah!"

SMAK

"Nasty hand print dude."

"She was under the mistletoe!"

"And who's idea was it to put that there?"

"Bobby's."

"Hey, Grunge, like my hat?"

"Why are you wearing a plant on your head Rox?"

"It's mistletoe. Dork."

"Ow. Ow. OW. OW! GET OFF MY FOOT!"

"Touchy touchy."

"Ooh, it's the Grinch That Stole Christmas!"

"The what?"

"Poor deprived child. The Grinch That Stole Christmas!"

"Oh brother."

"The Charlie Brown Christmas special's on!"

"Hey, change it back!"

"Get off me!"

"Change it back!"

"No!"

"I thought the spirit of Christmas was supposed to be peaceful."

"Just goes to show what you learn around a family."

"Riight. Look, I'll see you guys later. I have a jam session."

"Ooh--I'm late for the mall!"

"You guys--wait! Oh well. Looks like it's just us to finish, huh guys?"

"Um. . . just you Kat. Sarah left and I'm going skateboarding."

"Oh. Well, I have to study . . . ."

"Hey, where did they all go? And they just left the boxes here for me to pick up?! Grrrrrr . . ."

***

"The house looks great kids."

"Of course Mr. L! After all, I did it."

"You did it? Gee, and here I thought we all helped."

"Pass the salt."

"NO!"

"This looks good."

"This is sick."

"Grunge! I just lost my appetite."

"Mr. Lynch, do you think we could go Christmas shopping tomorrow? After all, we need to get presents."

"Anna? Could you take them? I have some catching up to do with my work."

"You work?"

"Of course I'll take them."

"All right! Shopping!"

"Christmas shopping, Rox."

"Uh, right."

***

"Ooh, I just have to have this."

"Rox, we're Christmas shopping, you know, where you shop for gifts?"

"Save it Kat. She's gone."

"Where did Grunge go?"

"To the comic book store."

"But we're supposed to be shopping for friends!"

"Give it up. Maybe they won't completely forget to get us things."

***

"Look at this awesome hat I got!"

"I got a Superdude #34 for just ten bucks!"

"I thought it was only worth five."

"D'OH!"

"And I got this shirt, and this one, and these pants to go with it, and this cute little skirt, these overalls, this pair of shoes, these knee highs, another pair of shoes, oh, aren't these earrings adorable? And they were on sale for only fifteen ninety five. I got this jacket for eighty nine dollars, which is really a rip-off because I saw it the other day for only sixty four, but I just couldn't stand it I had to have it right away. But it's okay because I got these watches for half off, and I know that I have a watch, but these ones were so cute I just had to buy them, I'm sure I could find something to go with them and--"

"Roxy!"

"What?"

"Didn't you buy anything for anyone else?"

"Why would I do that? You can do your own shopping."

"We were Christmas shopping, remember?"

"No we--oh. Oh well, I'll just have to go again. Anyway, look at this pin, isn't it adorable?"

"Sigh."

***

'Twas the night before Christmas,
and all through the house,
The creatures were running,
chasing that mouse.

"Eek! Get it!"

"It's going into the living room!"

"It'll contaminate the presents!"

"It's not going to contaminate the presents!"

"I got it! I got it!"

"It went under the table!"

"Look, I'll call the exterminator tomorrow, but please go to bed!"

"The exterminator's not open tomorrow."

"Then I'll call the next day, but GO TO BED!"

"Oh, right, and we're supposed to sleep in here with a mouse in the house? Think again bub."

"Bub?"

"Shut up."

"That's it. I'm going to rent a hotel room."

"On Christmas eve!?"

"Yeah."

"It's okay! I've got it trapped!"

"Bobby! Don't you dare hurt that poor little thing!"

"But I thought you--"

"Oh great! Now you've let it get away!"

"There it goes!"

"Aaaaaaagggggghhhhhh! It ran over my foot! Aaaaaagggggghhhhh!"

"Kill it! Kill it! Kill it!"

"Here Bob! Shoot it!"

"Grunge-man, that's a squirt gun."

"Oh. Heh heh."

"It's going for the tree!"

"I've got it!"

"NO BOBBY! DON'T GO NEAR THE TREE!!!"

"It's running through the presents!"

"Ack! Oof! Ouch! Oops!"

"Bobby! You messed up the gifts!"

"Sorry! I just couldn't stop in time!"

"Ohmigosh."

"That's gonna--hurt."

***

"I can't believe he knocked the tree over."

"He must have a hard skull to take that beating and still function."

"Who said it was functioning?"

"Bobby? Can you hear me?"

"SpIdEr-mAn, SpiDeR-Man, DoeS WhAtEvEr A SpIdEr CaN . . ."

"Yep. He watches way too much T.V."

"Let's put him in bed and fix the presents."

"Why doesn't he have to help?"

"Look at him."

"Ay CaRAmBa . . ."

"Oh."

The stockings that hung
by the chimney, knocked down
While presents and tinsel
Were soon thrown around.

"One two three lift!"

"Oof!"

"Ow!"

"Oh, my back!"

"Hey, watch it!"

"Careful of the prezzies!"

"Did she just say 'prezzies'?"

"Ouch!"

"It's up! It's up!"

"All right!"

"Put the presents back under here."

"Aren't you going to help?"

"What's it look like I'm doing!?"

"Sheesh. Touchy touchy."

"Careful! Don't smash the ribbon!"

"Oh brother."

"THAT'S MY FOOT!"

"Why is this present so heavy?"

"Oh, look, this big one's mine!"

"Someone dumped the tree water on these ones."

"MY PAPER'S RUINED!"

"No it's not, we'll just dry it off, see?"

"Oh, wait. That's not mine."

"Grunge, you're going to love your present."

"Can I open it?"

"Not yet."

***

Mr. Lynch was snuggled
all warm in his bed,
While nightmares of hormones
danced in his head

"Where's Mr. L?"

"He went to bed."

"Smart man."

"Grunge, did you wrap this one?"

"How can you tell?"

"The brown trash bag gave it away."

"Hey, I ran out of paper, okay?"

"Wow, this present's heavy!"

"Cool!"

"The wrapping came off this one."

"Give it here."

"Don't look!"

"I wrapped it you dope."

"The stockings came off the fireplace."

"Put them back up."

"Who made you boss?!"

"You're closer!"

"I'll do it! Just stop fighting!"

"I'll show you fighting . . ."

"Ow! Who threw that package at me?!"

"He did!"

"Why you little . . ."

"Caitlin, did you see that?!"

"What?"

"Sarah just stuffed tinsel down Grunge's shorts!"

"You sound almost gleeful, Roxy!"

"I am! I am!"

"I'll show you gleeful . . ."

"Grunge! What are you doing!"

"Oh no! Tinsel fight! It's two A.M.!"

***

I in my nightgown,
And them in their clothes,
Started to fight
Twas mean, Heaven knows!

"Ow! She bit me!"

"What's going on?!"

"Get Bobby!"

"Yeah!"

"Wait! Wait! AAAARRRRGGGGHHH!!!!!!"

"Get the ice!"

"Don't put tinsel in my pants!"

"She spit on me!"

"I'll get you my pretty . . ."

"I always knew you were a witch!"

"Why you little--"

When up on the roof
there arose such a clatter,
We stopped in our fight
to see what was the matter

"I swear I just heard someone fall off the roof."

"What?"

"It's probably just Mr. Lynch."

"At two thirty?!"

"Maybe he's putting up last minute Christmas lights?"

"AT TWO THIRTY?!"

"Maybe we better check it out."

"AT TWO THIRTY!?!"

"Come on!"

To the window we . . . sauntered
crossed the room like a . . . moose
Opened the blinds
and pulled the screen loose

"Did Kat just tear out the window?"

"I know she wasn't happy about me putting tinsel down her back, but geez . . ."

"So you were the one putting tinsel down everyone's backs. . ."

"Uh, guys? Can we talk about this?"

"GET 'IM!"

The moon on the breast . . .
Never mind after all.
I was too busy getting them
with not but a call

"Would you guys stop?! Fine, fight, see if I care! We're supposed to be a team! Grr. . ."

"Did Kat say something?"

"You're just trying to get out of your punishment."

"Well, yeah. HHHHEEEEEELLLLLLPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

When I turned around
I saw an astounding sight,
A man in a sleigh, on our roof,
taking flight!

A man all in red sat there,
so cute
And just to look at him
you could see 'twas a brute.

"We're being robbed! You guys! Come on!"

"What?"

"Ohmigosh, Kat's right! That fat guys stealing all our stuff!"

"Let's go!"

The sleigh pulled by reindeer,
like rockets they came,
And he whistled and shouted
and called them by name,

"On Dasher, on Dancer
on Comet and Cupid,
On Donder and Blitzen,
On Prancer and Stupid!

To the top of the porch,
to the top of the wall,
Now dash away dash away
dash away all!"

"Did he just say what I thought he said?"

"On stupid?"

"He didn't say that!"

"Yes he did! I heard it!"

"You dork! He said:

"Now Dasher! Now Dancer!
Now Prancer and Vixen!
On Comet! On Cupid!
on, Donder and Blitzen!
"That is what the man said."

"No he didn't. He said stupid."

"He couldn't have!"

"Why not?!"

"Because!"

"Oh, that's a good reason!"

"Would you two stop fighting!?"

"Why should we?"

"Because if you don't I'm taking all your presents back."

Silence.

Like dry leaves before
the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle
mount to the sky,

So up to the rooftop
the reindeer they flew,
with a sleigh of our stuff
and a maniac too.

"Come on, the ladder's still out! We can climb up after him and get him before he takes off again!"

"There's something familiar about that guy . . ."

"Yeah, he looks like your dad!"

"Very funny!"

"Maybe we should get Mr. Lynch . . ."

"I'll fly up ahead and scope out the situation, you guys stay down here."

"Hey, who died and made him boss?"

"Relax, he's got a good idea."

"Sure, take his side."

"Brr. It's cold out here."

"Grunge, you should give her your jacket, that's what a real gentleman would do."

"I'm not a gentleman and I'm not wearing a jacket."

"Give her your shirt."

"Uh-no Grunge. That's okay, really."

I could hear them fight
as I flew up to the roof,
And then the prancing and
pawing of some sort of hoof.

As I reached the top
I just missed his head,
Down the chimney he went
while his reindeer, they shed.

"He's going into the house!"

"Okay!"

"Come on, back inside!"

"Oh good, we get to fight the bad guy in the warmth!"

"Now I don't have to give you my shirt!"

"Most definitely another reason to be thankful."

As we entered the house,
he stood at the tree,
Giving us presents,
the best part, for free!

"Is he a robber or not?"

"Um, don't interrupt the man Rox."

"I'm going to get Mr. Lynch."

"NO! I mean, he doesn't seem to be doing any harm . . ."

"Let him stay!"

"Now I know where I saw him! At the mall!"

"He thinks he's Santa Claus?"

"Don't burst his bubble!"

"Yeah, he's giving us more presents!"

A bundle of toys
he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler
just opening his pack.

His eyes--how they twinkled!
His dimples so merry!
His cheeks were like roses,
his nose like a cherry!

His droll little mouth
was drawn up like a bow
And the beard on his chin
was as white as the snow.

The stump of a pipe
he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke
it encircled his head like a wreath!

He had a broad face
and a little round belly
That shook when he laughed
like a bowl full of jelly!

He was chubby and plump,
not at all you'd think,
And his teeth were as white
as our white kitchen sink!

I snickered and blushed,
It seemed I just had to,
But he smiled and nodded,
took a cookie to chew.

I knew in that moment
of fear and yet not,
This was the old man
as a child I'd sought!

"It's Santa."

"No . . . that's not possible."

"Look though, it is!"

"Wow!"

"How cool!"

"I knew he looked familiar!"

"Did you bring me a new guitar?"

"Better, look--a new sound system!"

"It IS Santa!"

He then laid his finger
aside of his nose,
And giving a nod
up the chimney he rose!

He sprang to his sleigh,
to his team gave a whistle
And away they all flew
like the down of a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim
ere he drove out of sight,
HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL,
AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!

I think it was then
that we did not fight,
Astounded as we were
at that magical flight,

And now I look back,
and am glad once again,
That we were all there,
All the way 'til THE END.

Back to the X-Mansion
Back to the living room