Disclaimer: I don't own Superboy, Cadmus, or anything else I mention. They're all copyrighted to DC Comics, and they're doing a decent job with them ('specially now that Joe Kelly is on Superboy! WOO!) so I'll leave 'em there. :) I'm not making any money off this; it's for fun, not profit. And you know what's fun? Feedback!

Over Pizza 1/1
JBMcDragon

Where do superheroes go to ponder? (Guardian says it's sulking. Goes to show what he knows about being a superhero.)

Beats me. I can only speak for myself--it's not a question that comes up very often around the headquarters. (And I'm not sure Robin, Secret, Impulse and the others could really be considered superheroes anyway. I mean, I am, of course. I'm the next Superman. I was created to be a superhero!)

And when I want to ponder great and mighty and heavy and weight-of-the-world type questions, I sit here, on the top of the Sears Tower. It's great. It's high. What's the point of flying if you can't fly high, right? And I suppose I could sit on the highest freestanding building, which is the CN Tower in Toronto, but I don't really want to listen to all those Canucks saying, "Beauty, eh?" It's almost as bad as the Southern Californians saying, "And so I was all like..."

So I sit on the ledge around the roof of the Sears building, and ponder great and wondrous and heavy things. For instance. Anchovies, or no anchovies? Anchovies add a good bit of salt to an otherwise only mildly salty pizza. And they're great to fling into the bay. Which only I (and a select other few superheroes) can do, and which only I actually physically do. (Swim free, little anchovies!) On the other hand, if I don't have them then I don't have to have little fishies looking up at me off of my pizza. (I swear, they lay there and say things like, "You don't love us! How could you eat us like this?" To which I have no answer. Except, maybe, "swim free, little fishies!")

Oh yeah.

There are other things to ponder, naturally. Why does Hawaii have an interstate? Why call it a freeway if there are rules? If I drew loops in an airplane's flight pattern chart, would the pilot actually try to make the plane do loops? (Do airplane flight patterns even have charts?) These things weigh heavily on my mind.

Did you know Superman has his own theme song? I wonder if, when I become Superman, they'll make me a new one. Or retire the old one. Or if I'll just get a hand-me-down theme song, and have to keep using Supes.'

I never had hand-me-downs before. Because I never had older sibs before. Because I never had sibs. Because I didn't have a family. (I wonder if being born in a test tube means I'm a Teletubbie. Ooh. Bad pun.) Do Rex and the rest count as family? What, exactly, is a family? I mean, the definition is everything. Everything. Because with one definition, I do have a family. With another, I don't.

Serling talks to her mom when she's upset. I wish I had a mom to talk to when I'm upset. Because, I mean, yeah, I'm a superhero. But that doesn't mean things don't bug me, you know? It's unfair. Life isn't fair, and I don't expect it to be--but why do I have to grow up? I don't want to grow up. (I won't grow up! said Peter Pan . . . ) Not right now. But, then, I do want to grow up someday. I never will.

I have to buy all my own stuff--if I realize I have holes in my shoes, it's up to me to go get new ones. I can't tell my mom that I need some and let her do it for me or anything. And just once--once--I'd like to get a lecture on . . . on . . . I don't know, condoms or something! Anything! . . . well, no, I don't really want a lecture on anything. And not on condoms. Yeah, wait, okay. A lecture on condoms. Even if I was embarrassed and hated whoever at the time for doing it. At least it would mean that I was still expected to screw up sometimes, right? That I was still learning how to deal with responsibility.

Instead, I go out and I fight and I'm expected to do everything myself. Hey! I was genetically engineered! Of course I can do everything! Nevermind that I've only been alive for a few years, I have implanted memories! It's all good!

Bull shit.

I wish someone would lecture me on saying 'shit.' (Heh. I can see some old harridan now. You listen to me, young man...!)

It gets to me. Having to be an adult all the time. I'm supposed to be sixteen--or thereabouts. But I'm expected to take care of myself, buy my own stuff, budget my own money, do lab stuff so Cadmus can figure me out, and save the world. And yet, I can't even legally vote. The government controls me, and I can't even decide who I want in the government. (On the other hand, that's one responsibility I don't have.)

I look like a kid. I feel like a kid. My hormones are going crazy on me, and sometimes I just want to scream. I have to follow all the laws pertaining to kids, and I don't want anymore responsibility than a normal kid has (except that I'd still have to save the world, obviously).

But I have to do adult things, and Cadmus expects me to react like an adult. I'm never going to be an adult. (I can see it now. "It's Superman!" "...can he even grow a beard?" Oh yeah. That'll inspire fear and terror into the hearts of evildoers everywhere.)

Is it too much to ask to just be a teenager on occasion? Even Superman got to be a teenager. (I think.) Even Batman got to--nah. Batman was never younger than forty.

I got busted tonight for acting like a teenager. A "child." "Superboy! Can't you act like an adult just for one night? This was important! And you're in there acting like a child!" Well ex-cuse me. I think I should be allowed to act like a child! That should be my right!

So I sighed tonight. And slouched in my chair. I was bored to tears! The president just kept going on and on about how wonderful everyone was. And there was the Justice League across from me, looking all perfect and . . . and . . . superhero-y. Except for Wonder Woman, who glared at me every time I glanced at her . . . eagle. (It is my fault she kept taking those deep breaths?)

But noooOOoo, Serling--Ms. Grown-Up herself--had to yell at me and say that everyone who had been watching TV saw me acting like a "child." At least Serling got the chance to be a child.

I want the chance to be a child.

I like my life. I really do. But sometimes . . . sometimes I just wish that everyone would treat me like I'm sixteen. Give me a curfew. Lecture me on smoking, drugs, sex and whatever else kids get lectured on. Tell me to stop chewing gum, and not to run with scissors, and ask if I've brushed my teeth. (As if you'd have to ask. Ew.)

I'll go back to Cadmus, and I bet no one will have even noticed I was gone. And if I didn't go back at all, they wouldn't realize it until they needed me for something--and then it would be, "Where's Superboy? Sometimes he just acts like such a child! What's gotten into him?" Well, duh. There's a reason for me acting that way.

Heh. Oh yeah.

Self-pity, party of one, your table is ready.

. . .

My pizza is here. There's the kid, standing on the street, looking puzzled.

Hey. Here's your tip. My pie? Thanks.

His face as I take to the air with the box is great.

Back to the top. Sit there, open the box--ah, I love the smell of pizza in the middle of the night. Now this is perfect. Half n' half.

Swim free, little fishies!

I can't hear the plop as the anchovy dives into the water, but I know it must make that noise.

Now, I can relate to this pizza. Half of me is expected to be all grown up. The other half of me is a teenager. Never shall Mark Twain meet, or something like that.

Swim free, little fishie!

(One of these days Aquaman's going to rise out of the water and yell at me for this, I just know it.) (Or maybe he won't care enough to do so. I mean, no one else does.)

What's the description of a family? I'd think they're people who love you so much they want you to stay out of trouble. They try to make you behave all the time, and they tell you about what you shouldn't do. Tana did that.

Tana's dead.

I guess she was the only family I have. (Had. Because she's dead.)

I have this horrible feeling that it's my fault. I mentioned as much to Guardian, and he put a hand on my shoulder and gave me one of those searching looks (he thinks he's so good at those) and said, 'It's not your fault.' Which really didn't make me feel much better. He hasn't asked about it since.

I think family would remember things like that.

I think--

Oh. Hey. Superman.

What? Nah, just thinking. You know. Superhero stuff. Want some pizza?

. . . I am too a superhero.

Oh, sure, laugh. Fuck y--

. . .

. . .

. . .

Okay. Geez. I won't say that anymore. Asshole.

. . .

. . .

I didn't--

. . .

. . .

But--

. . .

Okay, okay, I'm sorry! I know it's disrespectful, I know you didn't really mean to imply I'm not superhero material. I'm going to be a superhero, though, even if I do have a lot to learn still.

Well, okay. As long as we agree on that.

I am not out too late!

No, I'm not seeing a girl!

Oh my God, you did NOT just say that. I am NOT getting The Talk by the Man of Steel. I live with doctors, Supes. I know about STDs and stuff, okay? Geez.

I am NOT blushing.

Am not.

Am not.

I don't like you ver--

I am not out too late! I don't have a curfew!

What's that supposed to mean?

I was yawning because I was bored!

Oh, you are so not going to tell me that I'm grouchy because I'm tired. I think I know when I'm tired.

I'm not grouchy.

Am not.

No! There's not a girl! There hasn't been since--. Nevermind.

Nothing, man. It's nothing.

Nah. Don't worry about it.

I'm fine. Really.

. . .

. . .

Tana.

Yeah. That one. I was in Hawaii. You knew about her?

. . . oh. I didn't know that.

No, she died.

It's okay.

A few months ago. It was sudden.

No, we weren't dating then. We'd broken up. Makes it easier, doesn't it?

It doesn't? Oh. Well. Okay.

Yeah? Huh. Tana was like that. All fiery. She was like, you know, all fierce and stuff. Always got her story.

Nah, man. Got something in my eye. Eyelash, probably.

Tana? She was Hawaiian. She got the Superboy exclusives. Heh. Even before I liked her.

Well, see, she was really stubborn. Once she'd decided she wanted something, she got it--and she wanted me. I mean, not me me, but the excl--

You're laughing.

Yeah. I guess I sounded funny. But you know what I was trying to say. She was like that. Didn't let anyone or anything stand in her way. Not even supervillains. She got herself into so much trouble . . . I always figured I'd be able to get her out of it.

I miss her.

She was . . . amazing.

. . . Hey, Supes? Is . . . it always going to hurt like this?

Oh. That's good.

Ah, the guys at Cadmus are all busy. I mean, not too busy for me, of course, but they don't really have enough time to talk to anyone, so . . .

Yeah? You mean that? You're not just shitti--ah, kidding me?

That would be great. You 'n me, man. Yeah.

Here--we could meet here.

You sure you want to do that? I mean, it'll take a lot of time, and you already have a lot of responsibilities--

Oh. Well, if you really want to. That's totally cool. I mean, hey, I wouldn't mind, you know, talking sometimes. It might be fun!

Oh. Yeah, it is late. Man, you're worse than a dad. I already told you, I don't have a curfew!

Yeah, yeah, I know, I know. 'Maybe you should.' Gimme a break.

Oh, very funny. I don't need a sex talk.

I'll be fine. I'm going to go to bed, and . . . I'll see you next week?

Cool. And Supes? Thanks.

. . .

Superman? You sure it won't always hurt this much?

Okay. Good night. Hey--take the pizza. But be careful--there are still some anchovies left.

Heh. Yeah, man. Swim free.

Back to the Batcave
Back to the living room