Of Stewpots and Loss
Bitter Eloquence

Zabuza was the one who discovered Stewpot, as the rabbit had come to be called. The bunny had run off the night before, much to Haku's dismay and frantic worry. The self-proclaimed 'Demon of Mist' had never been particularly happy about the addition to their fucked up little entourage. Therefore, when the boy ended up staying up all night looking for the damned thing, he was not pleased.

The idea of a pet had never been particularly palpable for Zabuza, but when he had found himself unable to withstand the look of horror in Haku's face when he jokingly suggested they eat him, the stupid thing had been with them ever since.

Should have eaten the damned thing after all, bah.

After a night of searching the underbrush and calling out for his bunny friend, Haku had finally curled in his bedroll with a stifled sniffle. In the two years Zabuza had known the boy, he had never once seen him cry. As he laid in his own bedroll, listened to those stifled sniffles, and muffled tears, it had twisted something Zabuza had thought he'd completely lost. His heart . . .dammit why wasn't it dead yet!?!

Therefore, while the child slept, Zabuza had grudgingly looked for the bunny. And he found it . . .or rather, what was left of it. Apparently, an animal had caught it, the creature having fled the moment it sensed the deadly ninja's almost demonic aura. Upon seeing it, the tattered remains of what had once been Haku's pet, Zabuza shrugged and made his way back to the campsite.

That was life after all. The weak died to feed the strong and a bunny was rather low on the food chain.

As he lay down to sleep, Zabuza rolled onto his back and looked up at the pre-dawn glow touching the sky and grumbled to himself. The cold and emotionless ninja in him demanded he use this to teach Haku a lesson, to take the pain the boy would have and use it to forge him and shape him into the weapon he was supposed to be.

He was going to cry.

Shit, he hated crying.

Grumbling to himself, Zabuza rolled onto his side and eyed the sleeping child with jaundiced and cynical eyes as something akin to a pout twisted his lips.

Not that he was pouting of course, because Momochi Zabuza didn't pout, dammit!

He just hated dealing with tears, especially impractical ones from the child who was supposed to become the perfect tool for him. It had nothing to do with the fact that Zabuza couldn't stand to see the glisten of tears in the brats eyes either. Nope! That had nothing to do with it. Riiiight, he wasn't buying it either. Growling to himself then, the fierce Demon of Mist rolled over and pulled his blanket over his head with the firm decision that he'd deal with it in the morning.

Two hours later, the faint rustle of Haku leaving his bedroll awakened him. While Zabuza was exhausted, a shinobi who hoped to live past the age of fifteen learned to wake up to the faintest sounds, even if half-dead. Therefore, those dark and rather irritable eyes snapped open as the boy climbed to his feet with every intention of searching for his lost pet when Zabuza's cold voice stopped him. "Go back to sleep."

Those slightly red-rimmed brown eyes turned back to him and the killer was startled to realize the boy must have been crying again but the sounds had not wakened him. That was unsettling on a variety of levels and with a growl; he threw his bedroll off and sat up. Mournful brown eyes watched the tall man as Haku fought back a wave of tears and a sniffle. He knew his eyes were red and puffy from crying over his lost pet, just as he also knew his beloved guardian was probably disgusted by the entire display.

Zabuza grumbled to himself wordlessly and climbed to his feet as he staked over to the boy. A heavy hand fell atop Haku's head however in a rare display of awkward affection as Zabuza ruffled those dark strands with a strained look around his eyes. "There's no need to look for Stewpot, Haku." Seeing the hope flare to life in those dark eyes where there had been despair before suddenly had Zabuza feeling lower then he'd thought possible.

How was it that this boy had wormed its way into the dark crater he'd once called his heart and just made himself at home there?

Ninja were not supposed to feel, were not supposed to care or fear anything. They were supposed to be emotionless weapons, kunai to be used and possibly discarded if need be. He would discard Haku if he needed to, right? That was the purpose for him having trained and molded the boy over these years, right?

"Zabuza-san . . .where is he then?" That hopeful voice was so full of innocence and sweetness that Zabuza's hand fell away as if burned. He was not capable of training this boy to be the perfect shinobi. How could he lead him down the path of the true shinobi when he himself could not live up to his own standards? Perhaps Haku would succeed where he had failed, perhaps the boy would outgrow him as a ninja. He simply had to see to it that the child had the proper skills and foundation.

And fuck it all, he would have to kill that kindness.

"It's dead." His voice was cold, wintry sounding as he turned away to begin packing up his bedroll. "A fox or something might have gotten it in the night because I saw the remains." He did not need to look over his should to know that Haku's face had grown ashen and that his eyes had grown as empty and desolate as when Zabuza had found him all those years ago.

"I . . . I see . . ." Haku's colorless reply. Then he too began to gather and pack his bedroll up. The day that followed was probably the longest in Zabuza's life because neither dared mention the fact that the boy's hand strayed to his eyes on more then one occasion throughout the day as they continued on their seemingly endless wanderings.

Zabuza was tense the entire day, his shoulders steadily growing more and more tighter as he ground his teeth and fought back the urge to either snap at the boy or comfort him. Neither would be appropriate reactions considering his entire goal here was to make Haku stronger and help him to realize how dangerous emotional ties could be. Even now, he shouldn't be as close to his guardian as he was, shouldn't love him like he did. Zabuza didn't know how to stop him from feeling that way short of being vile to him. If he did that, he would only turn Haku away from him and there was no more dangerous a tool then one that had gone rebel.

Look at himself, he was hunted by his people and former colleagues and compatriots. A glance was given back to the somber-faced young man before Zabuza forced himself to look ahead, hands curling into fists at his side. "Haku....."

Miserable dark eyes rose to look up at the man, that delicate visage pale and wan as the boy hurried to catch up with the tall man. He had unintentionally fallen behind and hurried to catch up. Haku could sensed today was not the day to test Zabuza's temper. Maybe the other man was grieving for Stewpot as well?

"Geh . . . nevermind . . ." Zabuza had once thought he could live his life in silence, without the annoying chatter and buzzing of conversation, without interaction with other people. But today was proving to him just how wrong he'd been because the lack of bright chatter and noise from Haku was setting him on edge. He was not used to his charge being so silent and subdued.

In the beginning, Haku had been like this, as quiet as a mouse and as unseen as a ghost while he trailed behind Zabuza like a lost puppy. Eventually, he grew to test his boundaries with the man, began to learn where and when he could push the shinobi. Things had settled between them into a safe routine, a comfortable companionship having risen between Weapon and Wielder. Now, Haku was as quiet as he had been when Zabuza had first found him. There was a tang of fear in the air around the boy, a slight hesitance in his gaze as it darted to and away from the tall man.

As night settled and they laid their bedrolls out but did not dare risk a fire. That could draw unwanted attention to them and as the air grew nippy with the onset of night; Zabuza frowned and admitted this unexpected cold front was about the perfect topper to this already miserable and interminable day. Haku went about breaking out the cold rations they had packed away. In silence, the two munched on the dried jerky and dehydrated fruit compound meant to give them the needed vitamins their bodies might need.

"Haku, I've been thinking." Zabuza murmured quietly after chewing on his own dinner with those sharp, razor-like teeth. The dark of night cloaked them in its shadows, thus Zabuza had little fear of Haku seeing his face. Especially since the boy had spent most of the night avoiding looking at his guardian. "I think we should set up a base of operations. Winter is coming and I don't particularly like holing up caves or in villages when the blizzards set in." Having been raised in Mist, both were used to the chill and biting winter and Zabuza's words held some merit.

Of course, the Demon of Mist would rather slit his own throat then admit to the fact that he was tired of wandering around as listless and rootless as vagabonds. "We could find some place a little farther south and I'm sure there will be plenty of jobs for us there."

"Whatever you think is best, Zabuza-san." Haku smiled sweetly, his first smile of the day as he burrowed under his covers. Without a fire to warm them, it was going to be a chill and bitter night. The jounin eyed his charge for a moment before he curled into his blankets as well. Silence reigned for a long moment and there was the soft rustle of fabric.

"Haku . . . come here." Zabuza muttered; his voice almost lost in the night air. "Bring your bedding too; it's going to get cold tonight." He wasn't doing this to comfort the boy, wasn't doing this because Haku had slept with his pet bunny every night. So what if the child missed his rabbit, it was a prey animal and Zabuza didn't care.

He was . . .cold . . .

Yeah, cold, that was it.

The young man was rightfully baffled but he crawled out of his bedding and obediently carried it over to his master who was little more then a dark bump in the night. Zabuza's arm moved, opening the covers invitingly as he sat up. "Zabuza-san . . ?" A wealth of unasked questions hung unsaid in the air as the jounin pulled Haku's blankets and bedroll over his own to create a nest.

"We'll conserve more heat this way. I can't afford for you to get sick like last year." It had been a very tense and almost frightening week for Zabuza when his young charge had grown ill. Haku refrained from pointing out that he had caught the illness from Zabuza and that he'd grown up in a place far more cold then this place.

Why would he turn down a chance to sleep near his beloved guardian?

Haku smiled sweetly and squirmed under the covers, the warmth of jounin's body instantly recognizable as Zabuza turned his back to the boy so that they lay back to back; curled on their sides. As the covers fell into place, warmth began to fill the heavy pocket of bedding they had wrapped around them. Haku could feel his eyes begin to grow heavy.

"You can have another one." Zabuza's quiet words shook Haku out of his sleep-dazed trance and the boy made a questioning sound as dark brown eyes fluttered open. "We could get you another Stewpot, when we get settled in that is." That unexpected offer had Haku blinking and he started to sit up. Only to be forced back down by a heavy elbow pressing on his waist as the movement disturbed their cocoon of warmth. "Lay down, kid." Ah, that was more like the Zabuza he knew and loved.

"Sorry, Zabuza-san." Haku murmured, instantly contrite as he settled back down though the jounin's warm arm continued to lie on his side. "I don't need another bunny though, thank you. So long as I'm with you, Zabuza-san, I'm happy." The words were uttered with such a simple happiness and such honesty. It left Zabuza feeling vaguely unsettled and he stared off into the darkness for what felt like hours.

Hakue had not expected an answer and when he did not receive one, he wasn't surprise. The combination of emotional exhaustion and the warmth radiating at his back was enough to relax the boy. He was soon enough drifting off, leaving his master alone to think long into the night.

"Aa, me too." That quiet grumble went unheard by the sleeping boy as Zabuza's eyes finally closed and he settled down for sleep himself. Come the morning, they would have somehow moved in the night, would waken in each other's arms as Zabuza nestled the smaller body into his own and wrapped his arms around that warm bundle.

There was nothing sexual about their positioning. Rather, it was the innocent sprawl of kittens and puppies seeking out companionship and warmth in the other's company. As morning came with the sharp and brittle glitter of the weak sunlight across the frost liming the ground, a single white snow rabbit hopped across the clearing where the Mist ninja lay asleep and innocent to the world.

It twitched its whiskers softly and blinked dark eyes as the unfamiliar forms moved with quiet breaths. It was the movement of Zabuza's arm, the tightening of it around Haku's waist, which caught the rabbit's attention. The jounin moving in his sleep to bury his nose into the crook of the boy's neck was what startled the bunny into action. It hopped away with a disdainful flick of one slender ear to disappear into the underbrush.


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