Life in Rain
Velutlunas
AN: Spoilers for the manga and the anime soon. Hokage shwag. Written on the fly as a belated birthday gifty for miraphora.
Sasuke was never comfortable in dress clothes. The black shiny patent leather of his wingtips spattered with mud of freshly turned dirt and the feet of a village. He stared down at them, seeing his hair, perfect in it's smoothness but not his eyes. They were hidden behind a smear and he had the odd urge to bend and wipe away the cloud to see if he was real.
He didn't just turned on a quick heel, tugging at the tie that was last worn when he was a child, stoic as his entire family was put into the ground. Ties, dress shirts, ironing, jackets, pants crisp with starch itching his thighs and a hot smothering anxiety coiling quietly in his stomach. And he wanted away.
He shouldered urgently through the teeming throng of bowed shoulders, slumped hands, and slick eyes. He pushed through, drowning in the reflected sorrow of an entire village.
Hands brushed his sleeves, catching and snagging on the fine cloth, his inheritance magnified in the simple cut and fall of black fabric over his slim shoulders and the casual cant of seam near his ankles. It was an elegantly cut suit, deserving of the grief of the final heir of a proud bloodline.
He could see the edge of the crowd, could taste the air, damp, humid with tears. He could taste the tang of something greater than himself and was pushing more wildly now. Feet slamming into the ground, pushing through the cotton ball quiet of whispers.
He didn't want this. Didn't want the knife sharp reminder of himself and the burden of the grief of a town. He burst through the edge of the crowd gasping, fingers tight in his pants, gripping the seam with white knuckles as his breath tore raggedly from him and his eyes swung in a slow arc. He had freed himself from the crowd and his memories, but the bitter acrid tang of them was still sitting on his tongue, clogging his throat. He saw something flicker at the corner of his vision and that decided his flight, he crouched and bolted to the right- away.
He fled. His mind cursing him, arguing with him to be still, to be cold, unfeeling. Seal away pain. Don't feel it. It's not important. Flash burned imagery of toads and badgers, searing white hot flashes of something greater than the flocking cry of a thousand birds and the blue crackling of electric chakra. Of something better. Something greater than himself that had been hidden from him. Naruto. Naruto had been hiding from him in plain sight.
Sasuke gritted his teeth until his jaw ached as he ran, slippery soles of shoes sliding sideways on grass slick with fog and dew.
He paused at a clearing, wanting to tear out of his clothes. Fingers ripping the jacket off and throwing it to crumple on a tree, branches holding it uneasily until it slipped and puddled on the ground; Sasuke didn't notice as he fought with the Windsor knot on his tie, whimpering mewling pants of anger, pain, and frustration shaking from him.
He was so focused that when a second pair of hands calmly reached into his vision and tugged the tie off he yelped and skittered back, instinctively reaching for a kunai that was... not there.
Shino however was holding the tie calmly, his face smooth and clear like a porcelain mask his mother had collected, and Sasuke irrationally wondered if it would crack under his fingers or feel a silky cold.
"What are you doing Aburame?" Sasuke breathed coldly, dragging the remains of his self control around him like a tattered cloak.
Shino didn't reply, just tucked the tie into itself, folding it and moved to the jacket, picking it up by the collar to give a gentle shake. "You should treat your things better." He said with a turn of his head, voice smooth like the vibrations of dragonfly wings.
Sasuke glared, anger displacing to pool into his eyes at the taller boy in front of him. Mockingly taking in the well worn suit, the threadbare elbows and knees, the way it fell too big from his shoulders, how it was belted too tight around his hips. "They're mine." He snarled back kicking out of the shoes violently, almost aiming to hit the black folds around Shino's ankles.
Shino sidestepped them easily and moved to line them up by the heels against the tree. He folded the jacket and placed it above them, tie perfectly centered and crisp. He patted them once before shrugging out of his own jacket, a plain black t-shirt underneath. "True."
Sasuke growled. "What do you want?" He moved to the top button on his collar, flicking it angrily, but his irritation, his self loathing was being slowly redirected, rechanneled into this hyper awareness of the intruder into his tantrum.
"I don't want anything." Shino said quietly. "You almost ran into me." A slow flicker of hand pointing to the edge of a stream to feet to Sasuke's left where a book was still laying open. Sasuke grimaced and gave up on the buttons, pulling the shirt over his head by reaching back and gripping the collar. A violent shrug of shoulders and a wiggle and it was still trapped around his wrists by the cufflinks.
Sasuke shook his arms, snarling at his trapped wrists and attempting to tug them free with the creak of silk. He bit his lip and grasped the white between his knees and heaved, but two white hands laid carefully on his forearms stopped him and he stared up at Shino in shock, anger at being touched dying on his lips as the larger teen carefully reached into the shirt to unhook one of the cufflinks and Sasuke's wrist was freed in a burst of tension to hang limply at his side, shaking.
Sasuke watched the taller boy's face as he undid the second cufflink. It was impassive and he felt like a small child raging at the night sky.
"Thanks." He muttered bitterly as his other hand was freed and Shino began folding his shirt placing it on the jacket and tie, cufflinks settling into a small divot of white. Sasuke rubbed his wrists and pulled the small white undershirt back down, tucking it absently into the waist of his pants. He felt vulnerable here with the length of his arms exposed, pale sensitive skin showing red irritations from where the cuffs had rubbed. He hated his fair skin, how it flushed, how it burned, how it was so delicate. He'd never been able to wear the more convenient mesh shirts that Shikamaru, Kiba and Hinata were able too and he'd felt another flaw strongly.
He watched Shino nod and turn to look at him, his eyes hidden. Sasuke wondered what it was like to hide behind the glasses only to have eyes just as dark stare back at you.
"Why aren't you at the funeral?" He heard himself ask and hated his Mother momentarily for instilling social politeness in him then regretted that flicker of childishness.
Shino didn't move so much as settle into himself quietly. Sasuke envied the stillness around him and wanted to poke it to watch it ripple from his fingers. "I was there," He stated calmly, lips barely moving, "I said my goodbyes." He walked past Sasuke to where his book was laying open. "Everything that has a beginning has an ending. Make your peace with that and all will be well."
"How can you say that?" Sasuke asked as he moved to follow, finding an odd calm around him when the other boy was there. He settled into the damp streambed and felt the gritty dirt against his toes.
Shino just watched the water. Sasuke could see his eyelashes fluttering in profile, long, brushing the inside of his dark glasses. He quirked his mouth into a frown, grabbing a flat stone and throwing it across Shino's line of sight to splash loudly in the gentle trickling. Shino blinked once and exhaled, turning to watch Sasuke and the black haired boy squirmed in his seat, feeling the focus of that gaze.
"In the end these things matter most." Shino started, voice quiet, quoting from memory. "How well did you love? How fully did you live? How deeply did you learn to let go?" He closed his mouth and breathed out softly through his nose, hidden eyes watching Sasuke. Sasuke could feel them tracing the contours of his face, reading for his reaction, reading him easily like kanji.
Sasuke stiffened at those words. "That's not what I was told." He glowered at his fingers as they twined angrily against each other, a blatant inner conflict represented in knuckles and nails. "Live with hate." He whispered at them, cracking them with a satisfying sound of bone on bone.
Sasuke finally looked back up, not sure why he was here, why he was defending his life, his way of living to this boy. Shino just tilted his head in acknowledgement, his wild hair swinging back and forth.
Sasuke uncurled his fingers to pluck anxiously at the thigh of his pants, scratching the thick fabric. Shino's hand quietly reached out and stilled him. "No one outside ourselves can rule us inwardly." Sasuke's eyes widened and he turned a dark look at the other boy. "When we know this, we become free."
"Shut up." Sasuke warned. "You don't know. You know nothing about me." He hissed, pulling his hand away in a violent jerk and rubbing away the faint tingle of contact from his skin, flushing angrily.
Shino's mouth quirked and Sasuke wondered if that was his smile. So brief and fleeting and he burned at the implied superiority. "Every life has sorrow, Sasuke." Shino moved his hands behind him to rest on locked elbows and palms. "Sometimes it is this that awakens us." Sasuke felt that dark gaze on him again, measuring him. He raged quietly and slitted his eyes, lips pulling away from his teeth in a slow snarling smirk.
"I will kill one man and my life will be complete. I am an avenger." He said firmly; iron lacing his tone and he turned to look at the water again, getting no relief from the slow slide of water against stone. No calm from the presence of impermanence.
Shino made a small noise like the buzz of bees. Sasuke turned to look at him again, frowning. Shino's head was bowed and hiding his face. "Not getting what you desire and getting what you desire can both be disappointing." Shino's voice was always quiet, but it carried, it pierced, it bled into Sasuke's ears and Sasuke wanted to push out, shove the flow of consonants and vowels from him.
"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Sasuke spat but didn't get up. Fighting with words was better than tearing his clothing and staring at the picture of his family with a slow burn of hate and love.
Shino lifted his head and his mouth opened slightly. "It is just there." He breathed and Sasuke knew the boy was looking at him without eyes.
Sasuke gritted his teeth and reached for the glasses. "Wisdom that is hidden is not worth anything to me." He said dully. "I'm tired of people hiding from me. Just once I want someone to be themselves. Not a parody of what they think I'd want." Sasuke was surprised at his words, saying something he hadn't even known he was feeling. Once there he paused, not sure if he wanted the truth anymore. He wasn't sure he was able to deal with something real.
Shino lifted his hands on his own and calmly removed the glasses, folding them and setting them on the ground away from him before rubbing the bridge of his nose and turning to look at Sasuke, eyes naked. Clear ambered brown, a smooth hazel stared at him and Sasuke was quiet.
"Is this better?" Shino asked, and Sasuke could hear something like uncertainty in his tone and a warm wash of relief spread through him.
"Yes." He answered simply, but ducked away from that open stare. "Everyone hides Shino." He reverted unconsciously back to the name of his childhood. Of the quiet boy his family had introduced him to. He swallowed thickly and dug his toes deeper into the dirt, feeling the grit between his toes, an irritation to focus on. Something else to distract him from the aching hole inside him. Anything but the vast blue black emptiness inside him.
"That is one choice." Shino countered mildly. "Defense is... normal." Sasuke felt Shino exhale. "It is what we do as ninjas. Hiding is part of our life." Sasuke was tired of calm, drained of anger and just left wanting something to fill his chest. He felt hollow and lifted a hand to tap at his chest carefully, almost expecting a metallic ringing echo but only the solid thump of fingers against his breastbone. He hissed angrily at his flight of fancy, for focusing on himself instead of self improvement. He should be practicing; he should be fighting himself over and over. He should... be strong.
"I need to be stronger than this." He muttered sourly and shoved to his feet, hands hanging limply at his sides.
Shino gazed up at him, eyes watching him, but Sasuke could see a brief flicker of something in the tightening of eyelids. "If you think that is what you need..." Shino conceded slowly. And for the first time Sasuke thought about Shino. About those quiet rooms in his house. Of the sand garden behind his house. Of the musty earthy smell of his pillow he had slept on, curled against each other as children as their father's spoke in quiet male tones and Sasuke's mother had laughed, bell like in counterpoint.
Sasuke squirmed uncomfortably with the idea of apologizing. He hunkered down, squatting with the fluid grace of a cat and tilted his head to look at Shino. Shino stared back seemingly non-plussed. "I-I'm sorry I wasn't a better friend..." He said slowly, tasting the words on his tongue as they fell heavy between them.
Shino blinked and Sasuke was almost surprised at the flare of ambered pain in his eyes before he turned away to look at the stream. "Some days we feel like strangers." Shino whispered.
Sasuke found his hand reaching out and hesitated before letting it close carefully on a black clad shoulder, pressing his fingers briefly into the hard muscles. He started once to feel a violent tremor under skin and looked quickly up at Shino's face. It was quiet, ignoring the shaking of his body, invisible to the outside world.
"I'm not the boy you knew anymore. He made sure of that." Sasuke said slowly. "We are strangers." He lifted his hand, pushing away the urge to comfort the other boy and scowled. "I can't let you in again." He turned to look at the stream. "I'm going to be strong."
"No, you're going to be alone." Shino said and for the first time Sasuke could hear the tang of bitterness in his voice. He didn't look back at the other boy. He hated that he wanted to just go back to his old ways. Hated himself for the weakness of fantasy. He shook his head once and uncurled to stand again.
"I am alone." He said angrily, spitting the words harshly at the bowed head. He shifted his pants, straightening them on his hips and just looked at Shino; the other boy a calm parenthesis of form capturing one half of their old friendship, holding it in a gentle hand between them, offering comfort of habit. He wanted to break it, shove the boy over, watch him sprawl startled on the river bank. Wanted to make sure that Shino knew he was not the smiling boy fascinated by the crawl of bisected legs over his skin, laughing at the tickle of caterpillars. He was not so naive anymore as to believe every butterfly emerged from its chrysalis whole.
"If you do not care for each other, who will care for you?" Shino asked as Sasuke was turning and Sasuke could feel his spine snap taut. He whirled angrily and gave in, shoving Shino over with a bare foot to his shoulder, sending him to his side before he rolled to stare at him wide eyed on his back. Sasuke moved quickly, standing over the other boy, glaring at him.
"No one!" He shouted. "I have no one to care for me anymore!" He dropped to his knees, holding Shino still beneath him. "Don't you get that? He took everything from me!" He fisted his hands in the front of Shino's black t-shirt and shook, watching Shino's pale face rock back and forth on his neck. Shino's hands curled around his wrists and tightened, forcing him to stop.
"You just let yourself believe that. When did you become so selfish, Sasuke?" Shino asked, mouth curling into something that could almost be anger and Sasuke wanted more- wanted Shino to feel something besides that imperturbable calm. He broke the hold on his wrists, a surge of adrenaline coursing through him and the world moved to sharp angles and highlights as he stared down. Everything was clearer here. Everything made sense in the tense time of anger.
"When you have nothing left all you have is yourself." He growled, pushing a flat hand against Shino's chest, feeling the heartbeat, faster than he expected beneath his palm. "If I have something precious again he'll just take it from me." He snarled.
"There are things no one can take from you." Shino said quietly, voice deeper and his body relaxed under Sasuke's. Shifted fluid like water and Sasuke barely had time to react before Shino had rolled them, pinning him to the ground easily, just resting his weight against the white angles of Sasuke's body. He stared up at Shino, surprised to see those dark brows furrowed and amber eyes glowing down at him. See those pale cheeks flushing slightly. "You are being an idiot. People will be precious to you with or without your consent. They will choose to be near you. They already have." Shino's voice was vibrating into his ear, purred down at him from above, liquid like caramel or blood against his skin.
"I don't want them to." He growled pushing against the larger boy angrily. "I don't want to be vulnerable again." He pushed at the shoulders above him but he may as well have been pushing water. Shino flowed down ward and Sasuke flinched from the press of him. "Stop it!" He yelled pushing with chakra to squirm out of the weight against him. "I don't want you. I don't need you. Stay away from me Aburame." He skittered back, pants dragging in the dirt, smearing dew and grass against the well dyed black.
Sasuke watched as Shino curled tight, pulling his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, setting his chin against the worn fabric of his knees. "If that is what you want." Shino said quietly and Sasuke watched his head turn wild rough hair swaying in the slight breeze. He watched the last of his past turn its back on him.
"Shino..." He started, reaching a hand out before pulling it back, fisting it at his side. He could feel a hot anger boiling within his skin. "I need to do this." He bit his lip, not sure why he wanted to explain himself to this man.
"I understand. I don't like it." Shino said calmly, regaining his center and pushing his legs out in front of him to settle back onto his palms.
"I don't care if you like it or not." Sasuke growled, moving jerkily back to Shino's side. He knew even as he said it that it was a lie. "I don't care about you." Again, lying and Sasuke screamed at his heart for the strange clench of skipped beat. He turned to glare angrily at the open book on the ground, wanting it shut suddenly.
"I care about you." Shino said with a shrug that Sasuke could feel against his shoulder. He bit his lip again and fisted his fingers in his hair, not sure why he was still there, why he hadn't just left. Habits die harder than people.
"I don't want you to." Sasuke said tiredly. He carded his fingers back, feeling his bangs swing forward along his cheeks, the closest to a mother's caress he had. Her genetics in the gentle softness there.
"I don't mind." Shino said with a small smile and turned to Sasuke, reaching out carefully to tuck the black strands behind his ear. "Kiba is always telling me I need more friends. And I tell him he wasn't the first. I don't think he likes that." Sasuke flinched from the touch and shook his bangs back into his face and turned to glare at Shino.
"I don't need friends." Sasuke said slowly, unconvincingly and frowned at himself. He could feel the heat of Shino's body so close to his, the phantom press of him above him. His hands slid down his thighs, picking and dancing across the heavy fabric.
"I'm not a friend." Shino said hesitantly. His pale eyes blinking and unsure and Sasuke hated himself just a little bit more for making the other that way. He reached out and picked idly at the seam of Shino's pants, feeling the thin threads under his fingers.
"What are you then?" Sasuke asked, tilting his head to peer at the boy from behind his hair. A shield of black to hide him from the world. He gripped the edge of the pants under his fingers, wanting to tear them, poke a hole and watch it separate, open, slit like the shell of a cicada.
"Here." Shino answered simply, leaning forward to press lips against Sasuke's. Sasuke froze, electric and shocked by the gentle movement of lips on his. He didn't return it though, afraid of what that might mean. He breathed out slowly as Shino pulled back to settle uneasily at his side. The amber eyed boy blushed and looked at his lap.
"What the hell was that?" Sasuke heard himself breathe, not looking away from the wild haired teen.
"Nothing. It is past." Shino said quietly, blinking and looking up at the creek, a careful tightening of his mouth and he was blank again.
Sasuke watched it be erased until there was nothing but stillness again. He felt irrationally angry at that. Wanted to break it. Wanted to push and push until there was nothing left inside the other boy but rocky cries and shards of something that buzzed under his skin. He growled and pushed Shino over pressing down against him and kissed him again, violently. A clash of lips and teeth as his fingers fisted in the thin black fabric of Shino's t-shirt. "Fuck the past." Sasuke growled, feeling something other than anger and pain curling darkly in his stomach.
Shino opened under him while curling up against him. His strong pale hands flickering along Sasuke's sides and Sasuke fought harder against him, pushing him down and taking the kiss, stealing it. He wanted those sharp collarbones to crush and crumble; he wanted to plunge his fingers inside Shino's chest to squeeze his heart, wanted to feel the pulse of him break and stutter.
Shino was quiet, the breaths even, as his fingers pressed into Sasuke's ribs and smoothed over his sides to slide along the thin white fabric of his shirt and Sasuke growled, wanting to make the simple quiet of him tremble. He could feel his skin, feel it as it heated, where Shino was pressed against him, under him. He was broader, longer, and Sasuke could feel his stomach bow against his as he breathed.
Sasuke reached one hand behind him, gripping Shino's wrist and pulling it forward to press into the dirt by his hair. His smaller fingers curling around tendon and bone, feeling the heartbeat as a slow meditation under his thumb. He bit Shino's bottom lip harshly and heard the broken gasp, felt the sudden buck of the quiet boy under him.
"Sasuke..." Shino breathed, his name as a statement, a question, quiet against the heavy sounds of fabric on fabric, or the harshness of Sasuke's breathing. He was panting against Shino, body hot, tightening and he wasn't sure what he was looking for as he rubbed against the thigh between his. It was shock heavy good though and he wanted more.
"Shut up." Sasuke growled, moving his mouth to the joint of jaw and neck, licking, nibbling, and tasting the skin there. It felt right to do this, to squirm and press, push his hips forward and down. He gripped Shino's wrist harder and heard a long moan as something hard and hot rubbed against him, barely hidden by the thin fabric of Shino's pants. His eyes shot open and he reared back onto his knees to look at it, tenting and curving under tatty black. He exhaled sharply and moved his fingers to slide along the length. Shino. This was Shino's cock, hard- hard for him, because of him.
He batted Shino's hands away as they moved to cover himself, the taller boy's face finally flushing, crimson staining his cheeks as he bit his lip and looked away. Sasuke was fascinated, ignoring the throb of heat and want that beat through him at the sight and moved his fingers to shakily undo the clasp of Shino's pants. He watched the zipper part and open under his fingers and the pressure of flesh pushing against it, urging for touch.
He settled back on his heels and looked at it, Shino peeled open and hard in front of him. The thin pale blue boxers stained darker where Sasuke could almost see the imprint of the tip. He looked up at Shino's face and gasped at those pale hazel eyes locking with his, molten and glowing, but unsure. He liked that. He wanted to see his calm break and his fingers were moving as he stared at those confused amber eyes watched, darting from Sasuke's face lower to where his nimble fingers were stroking into Shino's boxers and drawing him out.
Sasuke didn't watch his finger curl around Shino's cock, didn't stare down as his thumb cautiously traced a slow circle over the head, dipped into the slit to slip on precome. He watched Shino's eyes flutter shut and his chin tilt back as his spine bowed, urging Sasuke's hand to smooth down the velvety hard length, to trip and stumble along the veins. He didn't see Shino's hands move to cover his forearms, gripping and tensing against his skin, but watched the taller boy bite his lip and exhale a shaky moan as he stroked up, squeezing experimentally.
"Does that feel good?" He asked, surprised to hear his voice choking on itself, rattling from his mouth as his tongue tripped on syllables.
"Yes." Shino replied, pushing his hips up again, fingers tightening again, urging a rhythm from Sasuke. Each press of fingertips a plea.
Sasuke understood then, this was what could break people. This feeling, something he only knew from chance brushes against himself in the morning, or when he'd pulled the sheets too tight at night and caught his hips bucking needily against the taut cotton. That scattershot goodness, that burned hotly behind his eyelids briefly when he rolled onto Naruto during training. He moved his other hand to slide slowly under Shino's black t-shirt, tentative touches that skittered over heaving skin, feeling Shino's ribs expand with each breath as he palmed and jerked over the stiff cock in his right hand. Shino was watching him still, eyes wide, and mouth parting with each shaking breath. Small gasps littering the air between them.
He wanted more; he could feel his own body flushing in time with Shino's shaking moaned breaths. He pulled his hand from beneath the skin warmed shirt and grabbed one of Shino's wrists, pushing the palm of Shino's hands against his crotch, gasping and shaking against a flare of need at the touch. He felt Shino's fingers curl even as that long pale forearm corded and the cock in Sasuke's hands jumped, a hot sticky pulse of precome slicking his hand for the next stroke. Shino pressed against his hardness, undulating his hand and fingers along the aching core of Sasuke's body, and Sasuke's stomach tensed, curling him over the hand against his erection, rocking him forward urgently.
And this was better. This was so much better than those brief flickering moments of almost understanding, those scattered scraps of bliss. He could hear, could see Shino shake under him, but was losing as he melted, burned into the press of heat against him. He tilted his head back and met eyes golden and needy, a flashpoint reflection of his own dark eyes. He tightened his fingers, sped up his pace, and flushed as Shino's hand matched it, shaking against him. He could feel himself gasping, could hear his voice trembling in panting moans, so rough like sandpaper between them, but Shino was so quiet, his breaths the soothing balm to the heat in him, curling in his balls, spreading through him, leaving him breathless and wanting.
"Shino...ohgod." He whispered, watching the pale column of neck under him tilt and rock Shino's face in time with the strokes against his erection.
"I had to show you..." Shino breathed, voice deep, smooth as dark chocolate and ginger. His hand melding around the clothed hardness. And it was just enough and Sasuke's body knew, it went taut, arching back and his head snapping back on his neck, tendons cording as something whitehot and sweet like sunshine poured through him in pulsing jerks. His hand covered by fingers, urging tighter and faster as Shino fucked up into Sasuke's pale fingers. They twined and guided, forcing a completion that was going to be lost in this wave of something greater than anything Sasuke had ever known.
He felt Shino arch, felt the spurts of sticky heat wash over his fingers and heard the soft exhale as Shino came. Heard it because his eyes were closed and he was falling, slowly, rolling to the side to watch the spasms of bliss shake through Shino's frame.
Sasuke let go slowly, rolling his thumb over fingers coated and viscous as Shino's hands smoothed across his own stomach. He watched, trembling, as Shino's fingers stilled over his heart, tightening briefly in the black fabric before he rolled his head to the side to look at him.
"How could I show you?" Shino asked with eyes so bright and alive. "It feels good to know you. Words were the first thing to go. I watched you fade away, and when it was cold so was I." He reached out and stroked two fingers along Sasuke's cheek. "I'm with you. How can I show you?"
Sasuke closed his eyes tightly, afraid of the brightness, of the light behind those pale hazel eyes. "I don't..." He closed his mouth and opened his eyes, facing the stillness. "Just don't let me run any more." He reached out slick fingers to cover Shino's over his heart.
"I'm here." Shino replied, and for once, Sasuke let himself believe.
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