So night before last I was talking to EloquenceLost, who, after listening to my saying that I'd burned out on kakairu, said it was just because I'd written The Mammoth Story from Hell (AKA The Kakashi Mission) and anyone would burn out after that. So she challenged me to write kakairu, under 10,000 words, having something to do with a misunderstanding. This is just shy of 10,000 words (clocking in at approximately 9,900!).
Combine a brain burned out on torture and needing something fluffy, and our discussions about how sex constantly equaled love in fic and that just wasn't Real, and El's challenge . . . well . . .
*snickers* You asked for it, m'dear.
Oh, and the concept of the Gossip Vine was gleefully stolen from DragonBite!
Kotetsu and Izumo stopped speaking as Iruka neared, a vaguely pinched expression on his face. Kotetsu grinned and ribbed his coworker; Izumo smiled in response, but didn't look away from Iruka.
Iruka poured himself tea from the little staff counter, then rested a hip against the edge and said casually, "I just heard something interesting through the gossip vine."
They both leaned closer. Iruka was a font of the juiciest information. Not because he manned the mission desk, like everyone assumed, but because he was a *teacher.* A teacher of small children who happily blurted out any and everything that came into their snotty little heads.
Everyone had known, for instance, when the head of the Hyuuga compound started taking Viagra, because Neji asked--in all his eight-year-old solemnness--what those little blue pills his uncle took were, and why wasn't he allowed to have one?
*That* had spread like wildfire.
And when Inuzuka Tsume had decided to look for companionship after being a widow for six years, they all knew that, too--thanks to Kiba shouting at the top of his lungs that his ma was "Gonna get herself someone with a boner."
Apparently, he thought a boner was a treat you gave to dogs.
So when Iruka said he had interesting news from the Gossip Vine, they knew it was going to be good.
Kotetsu and Izumo inched closer when the man remained quiet, still with that almost painful expression on his face.
"There's a new fanclub in Konoha," he said, staring at the far wall, obviously trying to keep from laughing. "Well, not new, I guess, but it's gotten more acclaim lately."
"Why?" Izumo asked, and Kotetsu ribbed him again.
"Because his team is disbanded, and everyone wants to help the poor, beleaguered man," Iruka said with mock-sadness.
"Huh?" Izumo asked, and neatly sidestepped Kotetsu's elbow.
"There's a Kakashi fanclub." Iruka sounded like he'd swallowed a rabbit. Whole. And alive.
"A Kakashi fanclub?" Kotetsu repeated stupidly.
"Oh, yes," Iruka said airily. "Apparently, it's the second largest club in Konoha, or so my source tells me."
"Second to?" Izumo asked.
"The poker club."
Kotetsu and Izumo nodded. That should have been obvious, with Tsunade as Hokage.
"He has his own fanclub," Kotetsu said wonderingly. "Do you think he knows?"
Iruka shrugged and kept sipping his tea. A sudden snicker nearly choked him; he swallowed, and then kept snickering. "What do you think they talk about?"
"What's underneath the . . ." Izumo waggled his eyebrows, "Underneath?"
Iruka put his tea down quickly to keep from spilling it, his shoulders twitching with silent laughter.
"You think they have parties?" Kotetsu asked wonderingly.
"Dress-up parties?" Izumo suggested.
"Everyone comes dressed as Kakashi!" Iruka laughed.
"And then there's the, 'Who's Kakashi bonking' night, of course," Kotetsu added, grinning.
"At least two of those nights a week, no doubt," Iruka nearly cackled. "And all the girls look at each other suspiciously for the next two days!"
"We should tell Gai," Kotetsu said, looking utterly evil. "You *know* he'll have something to say about *this*!"
"They sit around all night," Iruka said, still laughing, "Saying--" he pulled himself up straight, managing to wipe the smile off his face, "--Oh, that Kakashi, what a great ass he has!"
"They probably think of Kakashi pick-up lines," Kotetsu suggested in his hushed whisper, looking gleeful.
A gleam came into Iruka's eyes, and he pretended to simper. "I think a man who is brave enough to express his sexuality openly is sexy," he purred. "I just love the way he reads his porn in public."
Izumo turned away, trying not to laugh too loudly.
"And that mask--!" Iruka continued. "Only a truly troubled soul would hide his face! If only he'd let me comfort him!"
Kotetsu doubled over, mumbling words quietly between giggle fits.
"What'd he say?" Izumo demanded, peering at Kotetsu's private hilarity.
Iruka put on his best lecher expression. "He said, 'I wouldn't mind being underneath *his* underneath.'"
"Oh, gods!" Izumo croaked, and buried his face in his arms, folded over the counter.
Iruka grinned and, damage done, headed back to his office.
Kakashi froze in the hall, catching his name. Things about him were *always* interesting.
The words were really too quiet; he had to strain, and could only make out the occasional phrase.
"--what a great ass he has!" was the first thing he heard. His eyebrows skyrocketed, and he twisted to look back at his butt.
Just looked like a butt to him, but who was he to deny someone else their opinion?
"I think a man . . . brave enough to express his sexuality . . . sexy," a male voice said, low and sultry. "I . . . love . . . reads his porn . . . public."
Kakashi felt for his book, sitting in the inside pocket of his vest. He'd been doing it to annoy people, and make them back off--and it was a turn-on? Well, he'd be damned.
"And that mask--!" the same voice continued, marginally louder for a moment. "Only a . . . troubled soul . . . hide his face! . . . comfort him!"
Well, he wasn't sure about that. People who wanted to 'comfort' him usually thought that involved smothering him. He'd been through *that* when his father had died.
"I wouldn't mind being underneath *his* underneath."
He jumped. Then he smiled lecherously. Far be it from him to refuse someone their wishes!
. . . Provided the speaker wasn't hideous, of course.
Kakashi heard footsteps, and henged quickly into a potted tree.
A man with dusky brown skin and nearly black eyes walked out, stared at the tree for a moment, then shook his head and walked away. "Konohamaru," he said as he left, "if that's you, I must say you're getting better at your henge technique."
Kakashi waited until the man had turned the corner before letting the ninjutsu drop.
*That* was the schoolteacher. The same one who had bought Naruto ramen before Jiraiya had taken the boy, and who had thrown such a fuss when Kakashi had elected his team for the Chuunin exams.
Kakashi had always thought he was a bit of a pain, and truly enjoyed saying things just to get a rise out of him--it was ridiculously easy--but he'd never considered him sexually.
Though, now that Kakashi thought about it, it made sense. Of course the man would be easily riled, if he had a crush on Kakashi. And he was rather attractive. He had the typical ninja body; fit, hard, all angles and planes. He had exotically dark skin, and--most importantly--a great ass.
Kakashi smiled smugly, tucked his hands in his pockets, and sauntered toward the mission office.
Iruka was behind the desk, standing and packing things into a duffle bag. He glanced up when Kakashi entered, then--the shy thing--he glanced away to pretend like nothing was going on.
"Hello, Kakashi-san," Iruka said. "Can I help you with something?"
Kakashi glanced around to make sure they were alone, then kicked the door closed. It clicked shut, and Iruka looked up again.
Kakashi saw the man palm a kunai as his hand left his bag, but it was subtle. Well done, really. If Kakashi wasn't--well, Kakashi--he might not have noticed.
"Is there a reason the door needs to be closed, Kakashi-san?" Iruka asked, looking at it warily.
He was nervous. How cute!
"Oh, just for privacy," Kakashi drawled, sauntering ever closer. He started around the desk, trailing two fingers along the top.
Iruka began to back slowly toward the other end. "Kaka--"
"Relax," Kakashi said, and put on a burst of speed. He reached Iruka before the man had a chance to take another step. "Put the kunai away," he said, stopping the blow long before it ever got close to him.
Iruka's other arm moved, and Kakashi sighed, blocking, grabbing a wrist in each hand and pinning them to the desk, leaning over the Chuunin. "It's fine," he said, watching the heartbeat race in Iruka's throat with one lazy eye. "I heard you talking in the break room."
Both of Iruka's deliciously dark eyes widened. Yes, really, Kakashi didn't know how he hadn't noticed the sexiness of the man before.
Sharingan Kakashi was going to *kill* him.
That was the only reason for the closed door, the need for privacy, for being caught and pinned to the desk like a squirming bug.
The Copy Ninja had heard them making fun of him, and now Iruka was going to die.
He thought of his parents.
He thought of his students.
He thought of the last half of the chocolate bar that was sitting in his upper desk drawer.
Oh, he was going to miss them all so much!
Well, not his parents, really, since they were already dead, but . . .
Then Kakashi kissed him. Iruka kissed back, but only out of reflex.
Also, there was fuzz.
"Hrm! Hmm rmph mrfl!" he managed to say. He squirmed, got a leg free--ohhh, he was going to shatter the Copy Ninja's instep as *soon* as he could--
Kakashi shifted, pressing a thigh in between the legs Iruka had so stupidly opened. Iruka squeaked.
Kakashi's hands let go of his wrists, sliding up along his ribs--
Good! He was going to rip this man's *head* off! He grabbed two fistfuls of hair, preparing to yank it all out by the roots--
The door behind him opened.
"Iruka, I was just--oh! . . . *Ohhhh.*"
Kakashi finally let him up for air. "Hello, Shizune!" he said cheerfully, visible eye crinkling in a smile.
Iruka took a deep breath, then considered the situation.
He was bent back over the mission desk with Sharingan Kakashi between his legs and his hands in the man's hair. This was just not going to look good.
"This isn't--" he began, trying to twist to look at Shizune only to find Kakashi had him thoroughly pinned to the desk.
"I'll just, um, come back later," Shizune said quickly.
"That's a great idea!" Kakashi chirped.
"Ack! No! Shizune!" Iruka yelled.
"Ignore him," Kakashi said. "He's just shy."
"I'm . . . sure," Shizune answered. The door closed.
"Now, where were we?" the Copy Ninja asked.
Iruka managed to squirm his way on top of the desk, one leg on either side of the other man's hips.
"Oh, much better idea," Kakashi said approvingly, and reached under Iruka's knees--
Iruka squawked and flipped over backward, landing on the other side of the mission desk. "Now, look, Kakashi-san," he began.
"Call me Kakashi." The Jounin had jumped over the desk after him.
"K-Kakashi--" Iruka backed hurriedly away. "I think we need to talk."
"Talk, sure," Kakashi said, eye arcing again. "I would like to screw you--"
"--maybe against the wall would work all right, or the desk, or we could go back to my place--"
Kakashi was reaching for him. Iruka did the only thing he could think of. His hands flashed through seals, and suddenly the desk chair was in his place.
Kakashi looked vaguely annoyed. Then, before Iruka even had time to blink, Kakashi was *right there.*
Iruka yelped, and his hands flashed through more seals. "Sexy no Jutsu!" he yelled, and was suddenly a woman.
Kakashi looked a little surprised. Then he looked more than a little lecherous. "Kinky, Sensei . . ."
The thing about a man screaming was that people didn't generally pay attention; they assumed Gai was involved. But when a *woman* screamed, well then people came *running.*
Iruka was man enough to know when he needed to be a woman.
When Kotetsu, Izumo, Shizune and Tsnuade all came bursting through the door, Iruka used the distraction and ran.
Straight out the window.
Iruka sat at the bar, gulping back shots. He *needed* something stiff after that episode with Kakashi.
. . . He needed a stiff *drink*, that was. Not just anything stiff. Certainly nothing *sexually* stiff. Even though that was apparently what Kakashi--
He pounded his head on the bar to try and get rid of those thoughts.
This had to be the Copy Ninja's cruel version of a joke. It had to be. They'd barely spoken before this, mostly hostilely, and the man seemed to get an inordinate amount of pleasure from making him squirm.
Not in any sensual way, of course. Just--
Oh, hell. Why did so many phrases have to sound so utterly depraved?
Asuma slid onto the stool next to him, wreathed in smoke. "So," he said deeply, "I hear you're doing Kakashi."
Iruka froze in horror. "Noooo," he said slowly. "Who told you that?"
Iruka frowned. "Genma?"
"Hn. He heard it from Tsume. Who heard it from Kiba. Who overheard Kurenai talking with Tsunade who, I would guess, got it from Shizune, since rumor has it that she walked in on you."
Iruka quietly laid his head down on his arms. "If *Kiba* said it--"
"Then alllllll your little students have heard it by now, too," Asuma said cheerfully. Really, the man could be a right bastard.
Raidou walked up, clapped Iruka on the shoulder and said, "Congratulations! I just heard!"
"From Genma?" Iruka guessed miserably.
Kakashi was annoyed. Here he was, trying to make that hot little Chuunin's dreams come true, and the Chuunin in question had run away.
Well, it was understandable that it might all be a little overwhelming. After all, if all *his* dreams suddenly came true, he wouldn't know what to do with himself. Likely make shadow clones and go to work keeping all his little dreams happy. And naked. Happily naked. Of course, what was one without the other?
He tracked Iruka to a bar--favored by the Chuunin ranks, and tonight seemingly favored by everyone--and walked inside.
Iruka was slumped dejectedly over the counter. Understandable. He was probably upset at the way he'd acted earlier. Probably thought he'd blown his one and only chance to--as he'd put it--be underneath Kakashi's underneath.
In that case, Kakashi was just going to have to sacrifice his pride and give Iruka another chance! Nearly gleeful at the prospect of the Chuunin on his knees--and wasn't it *delightful* how so many phrases sounded so utterly depraved?--begging Kakashi to take him back, the Copy Ninja approached the bar.
"Excuse me," Kakashi said, and watched half of the bar clear away. Perfect. He sat down next to the other sensei.
Iruka looked around, apparently just noticing that everyone else had left. Then he peered at Kakashi.
He screamed and nearly fell backward off his stool.
Kakashi jumped, then smiled brightly. "Iruka--"
"Now look, Kakashi," Iruka said, moving away, both hands on his stool to keep it upright, "there's something you have to understand."
Kakashi waited patiently. Maybe Iruka just needed to get things out of his system, and then they could go screw.
"I don't know what you thought you heard, but I'm not interested in you."
Kakashi stared at him. No one was uninterested in him. "I don't understand," he said finally.
"It was a misunderstanding! I'm not interested!"
Kakashi frowned. "Nope. Still don't get it."
Iruka made a noise of frustration. "I don't want to have sex with you!"
Kakashi scratched the back of his head. "Could you re-phrase that?"
Iruka's face went red. "You're an overbearing, conceited, self-centered, egomaniacal--" he floundered.
"Self-assured!" someone from the crowd suggested.
"Self-assured!" Iruka repeated.
"Arrogant!" another voice rang out.
"Arrogant!" Iruka said.
"Perverted!" a man bellowed.
"Damn fucking hot!"
"Damn fucking hot!" Iruka echoed.
Kakashi smirked and leaned against the counter. This was more like it.
"Could bounce a dime off his ass!"
Kakashi winked at the Chuunin who'd yelled that. She blushed and sank down into her chair.
"Could bounce a--hey!" Iruka said, turning to the crowd. "Stop that!"
"And you love it," Kakashi said, sliding closer, wrapping an arm around the man's narrow waist.
Iruka's face got redder.
"There's so shame in lust!" Kakashi said cheerfully. "I'm lustful all--"
Iruka yanked back, nearly tripping over a stool. "I'm not in lust with you!"
Kakashi tsked. "You're old enough to know you don't fall in love with someone just because--"
"I don't even *like* you!" Iruka yelled. "I think you're repulsive!"
Kakashi sobered, suddenly realizing that the Chuunin *wasn't* listing his attributes. "But you said--"
"I was making fun of people who *do* like you!" Iruka yelled.
Kakashi frowned. "Oh." Well. This wasn't good. He couldn't be told off in the middle of a crowded bar by a Chuunin--of the not stunningly-gorgeous variety, at that. It wouldn't do for his reputation.
He crossed his arms over his chest, sighed, and shrugged. "If you're going to be hurtful, I just don't think this is going to work out," he announced, manipulating the members of his fanclub--80% of Konoha, by his last estimation--delicately. By the morning it would be all over everywhere how he'd dumped Iruka, after they'd had a lover's spat.
Kakashi was, after all, a genius.
Iruka gaped at him.
Kakashi turned and, hands in his pockets, sauntered from the bar. Damn. He had started to like the idea of being up Iruka's ass, too.
Iruka vomited into a rosebush, looked up, smiled weakly at the neighbor whose plant he had just violated, and continued down the street under her infuriated gaze.
Lordy, but he *knew* better than to drink. It wasn't so much that he got drunk and did stupid things, because he didn't, but he'd never discovered the trick to avoiding hangovers. And man, did his body like hangovers.
He walked as carefully as he could, wishing the Konoha sky would be cloudy just today. It wasn't. It was bright. He really wished he owned sunglasses, but they kept getting lost. Or broken. Or lost and broken.
A grocer glared at him as he walked through the market. He skirted the man warily.
A cluster of Genin glared at him as he got closer. He went carefully around them, too, staring back.
What, did he have 'hate me' tattooed on his forehead this morning?
A woman opened her apartment window and spat at him. Iruka squawked and jumped aside.
He sped up, suddenly highly aware of the nasty glances nearly everyone was sending his way.
He knew he'd been an ass the night before, but really . . .
"Iruka-sensei called Kakashi-san a pervert," he heard a youthful voice whisper.
"No wonder Kakashi-san broke up with him! Poor Kakashi!" another one answered.
Iruka whipped around to spot the two little urchins, but there were too many eyes glaring at him. He scurried out of the midtown area, hurrying to find Kakashi. They obviously needed to get this straightened out right away.
Kakashi was rather happy with the world. Granted, he didn't get to have sex with the hot little sensei, but he did wake up to find a casserole on his doorstep.
He ate it for breakfast while reading the newest volume of Icha Icha Paradise. It was good, being the village hero. When you were the hero and something went wrong, everyone wanted to make it up to you. Gai tried being the village hero, but the sad fact was just that Gai wasn't mysterious enough. People liked mystery.
Or so Kakashi told himself. The truth was that Kakashi didn't really get why people liked him, but he basked in it anyway. Better to enjoy something then to pick it apart.
There was a knock on his door and he opened it cheerfully, expecting cookies.
Instead, Umino Iruka stood there looking vaguely annoyed, and more than a little sick.
Kakashi leaned against the doorframe and waited, eye half-lidded. After everything the Chuunin had said the night before, he had better dish out something good if he wanted to get in the doorway.
"We need to talk."
Good enough. Kakashi stepped back.
Iruka pulled off his sandals while Kakashi admired his rear end. Eventually, Iruka seemed to realize what the man was doing, and--blushing hotly and trying not to squawk--he hopped around on one foot, getting his butt to the wall so Kakashi couldn't look while he removed his shoes.
Kakashi smirked. Yes, it really was remarkably easy to get a rise out of the other man.
"Don't you have someplace you should be?" Iruka asked, pressing himself back against the wall.
Kakashi smiled lazily. "Like where? My team's disbanded."
Iruka rubbed his scar. "I don't know," he muttered. "On a mission?"
"You were just hoping I wouldn't be home," Kakashi pointed out, and was pleased when Iruka glared at him. "I suppose," Kakashi said thoughtfully, "I could always fill in at the academy. Do you think the children have had sex ed yet?"
Iruka's face went red. "I certainly don't think you're the appropriate person to teach sexual education!" he nearly exploded.
"Are there dolls?" Kakashi asked innocently. "It would be so much easier with dolls. Anatomically correct, of course. Maybe life-size. Hmmm . . ." He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "We might only need a *female* doll . . ."
Iruka looked like he was ready to burst. "You are the most disgusting--"
"Ah ah, Sensei," Kakashi chided. "Remember what happened the last time you insulted me."
Iruka's mouth opened and closed for several minutes. Then he snapped it shut, took a deep breath, and obviously shoved down whatever it was he *wanted* to say. "I came," he spoke through gritted teeth, "to apologize for last night."
"If you're here for make-up sex," Kakashi said, "the bedroom's that way."
Iruka turned purple. A vein in his forehead throbbed alarmingly. Kakashi continued to smirk. It really *was* easy to rile the man.
"I don't know why I thought you might be able to be *civil,*" Iruka snarled finally, bending down to grab his sandals and shoving his feet in. "Heavens forbid you'd--"
Kakashi made a production out of leaning over to watch the Chuunin's tush. Now there was a word that wasn't used often enough. Tush. Tushy. Fanny. He smiled.
Iruka made another of those terrifyingly bird-like noises and stood up. "Would you *please* stop ogling me?!"
"Some would consider it an honor," Kakashi intoned.
"Then go find those 'some'!" Iruka bellowed. Flat against the wall, he lifted his foot to buckle his shoe, then grabbed the strap of the other sandal with his toes and lifted that, too, to put it on.
Then Iruka snatched the doorknob, moving with a funny mincing walk that was no doubt to keep his rear tucked under, and slammed out.
Only to slam back in again, a chocolate chip cookie broken across his face. He leaned against the wall, breathing hard. "There's a woman out there," he said slowly, "armed with desert."
"Yuriko!" Kakashi said happily. He opened the door, thanked her for the cookies, and closed it again. "They're still warm," he sighed happily.
"I know," Iruka growled, not having moved off the wall.
Kakashi picked a bit of cookie off Iruka's face and ate it. His favorite. Then he leered and leaned against the door. "I could . . . clean that up for you."
Iruka's face--almost faded back to its normal color--turned red again.
Kakashi smirked. Like taking candy from a baby.
"You have to do something about them," Iruka said without moving.
"Them? Them who?"
"All your adoring fans!" Iruka bellowed. "They're going to *kill* me!"
"You shouldn't insult people in crowded ninja bars," Kakashi pointed out, pushing away from the door and sauntering to the table. He heard Iruka follow, stop, struggle with taking his shoes off, and patter after him.
"Can't you tell them it was all just a misunderstanding?"
Kakashi stopped, looking at Iruka. "Oh, so you don't think I'm a--" he paused, looking upward, trying to remember the exact words. "'Overbearing, conceited, self-centered, egomaniacal, self-assured, arrogant, perverted, damn fucking hot, could bounce a dime off my ass'--"
"Those last parts weren't mine!" Iruka choked, nearly shaking.
Kakashi looked innocent. "No? You said them."
"I didn't mean them!"
"Ah." Kakashi nodded solemnly. "So, if you only meant the bad parts, why should I help you?"
Iruka opened and closed his mouth, feeling like a fish. "Helping me would be the right thing to do," he said finally.
Kakashi nodded, eye crinkling up in a smile. "I normally get paid for doing the right thing. How much do you have in savings?"
The man was playing with him. He knew it, and yet he couldn't stop himself from being horrified. "You wouldn't actually charge me to stop people from throwing things at me, would you?"
If anything, Kakashi's smile got sunnier. He opened his mouth, began to shake his head, and said, "Yes."
Iruka's face fell. Cookie crumbs came unstuck and toppled to the floor. "You're a bastard." He turned and marched back to the entrance, yanked on his sandals--ass to the door--and reached for the doorknob.
"I wouldn't do that," Kakashi warned.
Iruka hesitated. "Why not?"
"The woman who brings me tea whenever something goes wrong will be by next. If you thought cookies were bad . . ."
Iruka stared at him. "You actually expect me to believe that? You're mind-boggling," he said slowly, then opened the door.
A woman with a teapot held in thick towels was coming down the hall. Her face darkened when she saw Iruka.
He yelped and ducked back inside the apartment, slamming the door behind him and leaning against it for good measure.
Kakashi was smirking. The *bastard.*
"I'll go out the window," Iruka said through gritted teeth. He walked stiffly to the window.
He opened it.
He peered outside.
He dodged just in time for a barrage of apples to miss.
"Who the hell do you have stationed out there?" he yelled, sitting on the floor, legs akimbo, arms covering his head.
"The apple vendor's a big fan."
Kakashi smiled. "Cookie?" he offered.
Iruka kept glaring while the other man went to the door, opened it, picked up the teapot and walked back inside. "Tea?" he asked cheerily.
"I hate you," Iruka muttered. Then he stood up, mouth watering at the scent of green tea and chocolate chip cookies, still warm from the oven. It wouldn't hurt to have just a little something while they figured out what to do.
Grudgingly, he took off his shoes, muttered an apology for walking to the window in them, and sat down at the little kitchen table.
Kakashi poured tea and pushed across the plate of cookies. "I suppose we could just tell everyone we've made up and are together again," Kakashi said.
Iruka choked on his cookie. "Nu uh!" he said, spitting crumbs all over the table. He swept them up quickly and put them on a napkin, embarrassed at his outburst. "We weren' tohge'er in fuh first plafe!"
"You're right," Kakashi said. "And more importantly, it would damage my reputation too much to be seen as sleeping with you."
Iruka, who still hadn't swallowed, managed a wordless protest.
"Well, really, the great Sharingan Kakashi sleeping with a schoolteacher? Sure, the whole 'Spank me, Sensei'--"
"--thing would work at first, but after a while people would get bored of the idea, and what else can a school teacher do?"
With difficulty, Iruka swallowed. He planted both hands on the table and stood, looming as best he could. "I'll have you know," he started, furious, "that just because I'm a school teacher doesn't mean I'm--I'm--"
"Dull in bed?" Kakashi suggested sweetly.
Iruka felt himself go nearly purple. "I am *not* dull in bed!"
Kakashi nodded patronizingly.
"We could tell them we made up, but decided to part because my talents as a lover far outreached yours," Kakashi suggested.
Iruka gaped. "Why don't we tell them," he snarled finally, "that we broke up because *my* talents as a lover far outreached *yours*!"
Kakashi scoffed. "No one would ever believe that."
And the worst part was, Iruka knew that was true. He grabbed a cookie and threw it at Kakashi.
The Copy Ninja ducked.
Iruka grabbed another one, but before he could use it as a makeshift shuriken he'd been slammed against the wall, wrist squeezed tightly enough to hurt. He hissed and let go of the deadly cookie. The pressure on his wrist eased.
"Those," Kakashi said seriously, "are sacred."
Iruka tried to push free, but the body against his only flattened him harder against the wall.
"You're a son of a bitch," Iruka growled.
"We could have sex, and find out whose talents are better," Kakashi suggested, rolling his hips lewdly.
Iruka meeped. There really was no other word for it. "Is sex all you ever think about?" he snapped, feeling his cheeks turn red. The man probably wasn't even interested in him. Just doing it to get a rise out of Iruka. Iruka wanted to throttle him.
"I think about other things. Jutsus. Porn. Food. Sex. Porn. My students." He frowned thoughtfully--and how he managed that with only one eye showing was a mystery indeed. "But generally not while I'm thinking about porn or sex."
"You are--" Iruka couldn't think of anything despicable enough to call the Jounin. He tried to bite Kakashi instead.
The Copy Ninja stepped away, releasing him with a cheerful upward curve of his eye. "You know, lots of people would kill to be in your position."
Iruka rubbed his wrist and glared at the masked man. "Then why don't you call them up here?" he grumped. "I'd gladly give it up!" His already dirty mind made that statement as bad as it could possibly be, and he blushed hotter. "I didn't mean--"
"Of course you did. It was probably subconscious," Kakashi said, sidling closer.
Iruka edged away. "No, no I really didn't. You just have a sick subconscious."
Kakashi beamed. "Yes. I do. I also thought of a way to make everyone like you again."
Iruka bumped against a chair and pushed it quickly aside. "Oh?" He had little hope that this idea would be any better than the last--or that it would be the truth, which was that from the time Kakashi had heard him talking, it was all just a misunderstanding.
"If they saw us making out--"
"I'm not making out with you!" Iruka yelled.
Suddenly, Kakashi was *right there.* "Shy, Sensei?"
Iruka yelped and leapt backward. "I hate it when you do that!" he shouted.
"This is good," Kakashi said cheerily. "Already we're discussing boundaries!"
Iruka had jumped away from the safety of the wall, and quickly backpedaled, watching with horror as the Jounin chased him--albeit in a slow, rather languid way--across the room.
"Is that you don't like men? Or you don't like me?"
"I definitely don't like you," Iruka snapped, then realized what he'd said by way of omission and blushed.
"Ah! Easy solution, then! Just close your eyes! That would work quite well," Kakashi continued, pleased with himself, "because then I could take down my mask."
"I don't want to make out with you, with or without imagination!" Iruka babbled, feeling horror, embarrassment and something that really, *really* wasn't either curl in his stomach.
"That's easily solved, too! We won't make out--we'll have sex!"
All this talking was obviously going to his head, and Kakashi was still *slinking,* and it *had* been a rather long time since--
No! No, he was *not* going to even *think* about having sex with Sharingan Kakashi!
Except Sharingan Kakashi was practically *stalking* toward him, obviously well aware of his body and how to use it. Iruka swallowed. "I-I-I-I--" he stopped, each little syllable coming faster than the one before. "Now, look, Kakashi," he began.
"You started it," Kakashi purred.
Iruka's eyes snapped wide. "I did not!" he yelled.
"Ah, that's better," Kakashi murmured. "You look really sexy when you're ready to tear me apart."
If it was humanly possible, Iruka would have growled. As it was, he settled for curling his hands into fists and glaring. "Now, look, you tell your fans to stop attacking me or--"
"Or what?" Kakashi murmured.
Iruka swallowed. When, exactly, had the man gotten so *close*? He riled his anger again and snapped, "I'll *find* a way to make your life a living hell! Lots of A ranked missions in swampy areas, first off, and--and there's a diplomatic post that needs filling temporarily in Sand country and--"
Kakashi was close enough to smell. He smelled nice.
Iruka backed up, hit the cool glass of the window, yelped and jumped forward--only to be caught and pressed back against cold glass by Kakashi. He squeaked again, squirming to move away from the chill at his spine.
"Sand country, you were saying?" Kakashi asked quietly, hands tickling up his sides.
Iruka jumped again and wiggled some more. "You--let me go!" he snarled furiously. "Stupid Jounin and ANBU think they can just take advantage--" he realized Kakashi was *very* close, and snapped his head forward, sinking teeth through cloth and muscle.
Kakashi yelped. "That wasn't nice," he said sharply, and yanked Iruka's hitai-ate down over his eyes.
Iruka kicked at the man's shins, was frustrated when Kakashi moved between his legs so he couldn't aim properly, and scrambled to push up his forehead protector.
If he could just get some space, then--
He felt hands sneak under his shirt and travel up over his skin. His flesh prickled, and that Something Else that wasn't anger or embarrassment or frustration curled hot and thick in his stomach.
This just wasn't fair. He was twenty-four, damn it, and hormonal!
"Told you I was the better lover," Kakashi said, licking his neck.
Iruka shuddered and squirmed again. He was going to kill Kakashi, he really was. Really. "I read," he said, trying to draw air into lungs that were alternately crushed or just couldn't seem to get enough breath, "about this thing where they tied--oh," he whimpered, feeling teeth close on his neck hard enough to cause a flash of pain but not hurt too much. "I--I--they tied--"
"Tying is good," Kakashi purred. "You or me?"
"You!" Iruka snapped. "Each limb to a separate horse and then they made the horses run, tearing the person--"
"Sounds painful," Kakashi murmured, batting Iruka's hands away from his hitai-ate and tugging it more firmly over his eyes.
Iruka let out a most unmanly squeak as hands slipped into his pants, over his ass. His heart was pounding, and he was having difficulty believing that it was entirely anger anymore.
Well. It *had* been a rather long time since the last time.
"Drawn and quartered," Iruka gasped, trying to hang on to his train of thought while attempting to push his forehead protector out of his eyes and get Kakashi's hands out of his pants all at once. "I'm going to have you drawn and quartered."
"That's the horse thing?" Kakashi said in a voice like rubbed velvet. He was licking Iruka's throat, down his collarbones, buttons opening on Iruka's shirt.
"I--yeah--" Iruka said, squirming again as the Jounin pulled off his top and the glass hit fevered skin. Iruka stopped trying to pull his hitai-ate up in favor of paying attention to the tongue at his navel. His train of thought had been thoroughly derailed.
"Can it wait until after sex?" Kakashi asked, lips moving against his stomach.
Iruka nodded, his own hands clinging to the windowsill as if it were the only thing holding him up.
Kakashi was unbuttoning his pants. Iruka whimpered and bit his thumb knuckle, mindful of the neighbors and rather thin walls. There was *air* down there. Not just air, but *hot* air, breath, and a tongue--oh, lordy lordy lordy.
"You keeping your eyes closed?" Kakashi asked.
Iruka nodded quickly. His knees nearly buckled when his felt a mouth close around--
Ohhhhh boy. He almost bit right through his own skin trying not to scream.
This really, *really* wasn't going to last long.
So, Iruka thought faintly, this was why everyone wanted to sleep with the geniuses.
His breath broke as sensation splintered through him, muscles tightening and heat pooling in his thighs and groin. He knocked his head back against the window, body arching, hands clutching the sill. He shuddered, a tongue doing terrible and wonderful things to very sensitive bits of his flesh. He shivered, everything pulling up and in and releasing as he came, gasping wordlessly. His skin shuddered with orgasm. His toes curled. He nearly whimpered. Sparkles danced behind his eyelids, slowly draining out of him until his muscles felt like wet noodles. Then there was an iron grip on his hips, yanking him down to Kakashi's lap and then up. It really wouldn't have taken much anyway; he was pretty sure he would have fallen.
His world spun--he couldn't see--he grabbed cloth to hang on--resisting was *much* too much trouble--and then everything twisted and flopped, and he realized he was on the kitchen table with his pants being yanked off. There was the very distinct sound of a zipper, and Iruka reached up to pull his hitai-ate off only to have a hand grab his and tug it away. He should have protested, he supposed, but his body felt heavy-limbed and boneless, and how much could it *really* matter if he couldn't see?
Another hand touched his inner thigh, stroked up, and Iruka whimpered and twitched and shifted his leg without really thinking about it.
Then there was a hand at his ass, and boy was he suddenly thinking about it.
"Hey now!" he bellowed, starting to push himself up as a finger prodded where no fingers belonged. He grabbed for his forehead protector yet again, and Kakashi batted his hand away.
"Relax. Really," Kakashi said, sounding vaguely annoyed. "My mask is clear over there, you can't take that off just yet." Iruka felt him lean in, felt lips on his and a body pushing him back down to the table as a finger pressed into him, past that first ring of muscle.
He yelped into the other man's mouth and--was there lube? There must be. Things didn't go this well if there wasn't--but--who had given Kakashi permission--? That bastard!
Iruka felt around for the plate of cookies as another finger joined the first, stretching too much, not quite a slick as they really should be. He felt clay, grabbed the plate, lifted it for the killing blow--
And Kakashi hit his prostate. Iruka dropped the plate back onto the table and practically groaned.
"I--I--" he started, needing to say *something* because really, this was completely rude, blindfolding someone and having your fingers up their--*that*--without so much as a by your leave.
But Kakashi--that bastard--wouldn't stop stroking his prostate, hitting pleasure centers and making Iruka shudder. It was a little hard to gather his thoughts with sparkles of ecstasy, promising little orgasms all on their own, running through his body. Still, he managed to scrape up enough brain cells to mutter, "'M still drawing and quartering you."
"Is that the proper use of that term?" Kakashi asked smoothly, sliding a third finger in.
Iruka scrabbled for something to hold onto and failed utterly in his pursuit. "I--I'm pretty sure--it's not--" he gasped, eyes tightening under his make-shift blindfold. All the fingers disappeared, and he felt something Much Bigger push in.
"Son of a bitch!" he managed, doing his best to sit up again, because there was just no *way* that was going to be comfortable, prostate or no. It was just too big and it hurt in an entirely un-fun way.
Kakashi pushed him back down again, shushing him and licking little kisses along his jaw and chest. "Give it a minute," he murmured, hands supporting Iruka's hips. "It's all right. Just relax." He whispered the words along Iruka's neck, hands running soothingly from hips to shoulders and down again.
Iruka stayed as still as he possibly could, hands now buried in Kakashi's hair, prepared to yank--hard--should the man so much as *twitch.* "Definitely tying you to horses," he muttered, breathing carefully.
"Kinky," Kakashi laughed.
He yanked the Jounin's hair, and was rewarded with an, "Ow."
Despite the impossibility of it, his body was starting to relax and it didn't seem quite so big. He could feel Kakashi's heartbeat--or maybe that was his--in the pulse of them. His grip on the Copy Ninja's hair lessened.
Kakashi started to thrust, and he was just as good at finding the prostate then as he had been with his fingers.
Iruka trembled and tensed, forcing his body to relax again as sensation shivered through him, alien and slightly uncomfortable, but very, very nice. Kakashi stopped leaning on him, straightening up and pushing deeper, drawing a whimper out of Iruka. Thick and heavy and gone, leaving him feeling oddly stroked, then back, stretching and--oh, that was beginning to feel much, *much* better.
Kakashi grabbed his legs and pulled them up, sinking deeper, and Iruka didn't even object. He focused on breathing while Kakashi pushed into him and shivered every time the man withdrew, sparking off nerves Iruka didn't normally pay any attention to.
He whispered a dire threat--something along the lines of Anko and kittens--just to keep up pretenses. Bastard hadn't even asked him first, and now he was on the table with his knees being pushed up by his face with strong hands holding them there so that damn Jounin could get a better angle.
*And* it felt *good.*
There was no head behind the Anko/kitten threat though. Iruka was too busy feeling little shattering bursts of pleasure every time Kakashi pushed in.
Then it sped up and Kakashi's breath went ragged. He let out a heartfelt groan and froze, hands tightening, now on Iruka's waist. After a long moment he relaxed, slumping over the Chuunin.
Iruka breathed, shivering with little aftershocks of niceness. He prodded the other man, and Kakashi rolled to one side with a thump onto the table. "Put your mask on," Iruka said.
Kakashi moaned and slid to the floor. Iruka heard footsteps stagger across the room, a moment of silence, and then he pushed his hitai-ate up. He slid to his feet, nearly collapsed, and gave Kakashi a half-hearted glare.
The man smiled lazily, sitting against the wall under the window.
Slowly, Iruka started picking up his clothes. What, exactly, was he supposed to say *now?* "Where'd you get lube?" he asked suspiciously, glancing at the Jounin's vest. The man was still *dressed.*
Iruka glared at him.
"Your semen," Kakashi said, eye arcing in a smile.
Iruka stared, thought about that, then shook his head and started to yank on his underwear. He could feel Kakashi's eyes on him. "I'm going to kill you, you know," he said, giving the man a dirty look. "I don't just go around having random sex with people."
"Pity," Kakashi said. "I'll find you four horses."
"Five," Iruka muttered under his breath. "One for each limb, and one for your dick." He glanced up when Kakashi barked a laugh.
"Fair enough," the Jounin said, stretching lazily. "Five, then."
Iruka glanced around, looking for his shirt--there, in a heap next to Kakashi.
Kakashi was looking very smug. Iruka's eyes narrowed. "I'm not having sex with you again," he said sharply.
Kakashi didn't seem to hear him. "At least now you'll be able to walk down the street without being mauled," the Jounin pointed out cheerfully.
Iruka looked at the window--at the smudge of oil from his skin--and paled. "My *students*--"
"Reeeaaaally don't need sex ed anymore."
Iruka glared at the sunnily smiling Copy Ninja. Then he bashed him over the head as hard as he possibly could.
Iruka walked into the break room at the mission office, and the three people standing there--Kotetsu, Izumo, and Raidou--went studiously silent.
He poured his tea in silence. He let it steep in silence. He added sugar in silence. Then he cleared his throat and said, "So, I suppose you've heard about Kakashi and me?"
Kotetsu grinned madly. Izumo blushed. Raidou lifted his eyebrows.
"Are you admitting the rumor is true, Iruka-san?" Raidou asked solemnly.
"Absolutely," Iruka affirmed. "Kakashi asked me to teach him everything I know in bed--he's a bit self-conscious about his abilities as a lover, you know--and I, being a teacher, agreed."
Ha. Take *that*, rotten bastard Jounin.
All three pairs of eyes widened comically.
"I have to go, uh, file something," Izumo said, making a break for the door.
"And Genma asked me to meet him for lunch," Raidou said, practically running after the other man.
Iruka smiled at Kotetsu, watching the man try and think up an excuse. After a moment, Iruka took pity on him and said, "I think I'll just head back to my desk." He left feeling rather smug.
Life was really wonderful. Granted, Kakashi hadn't thought much of the Chuunin sensei before, but after that morning--well, he was thinking about him a lot more. Who would have guessed someone who was a *schoolteacher* would have the temper he had? Kakashi was going to start annoying him even *more* to get those eyes to flash again. And the noises he made!
Yes, his life was good. He was happily in lust with one nasty-tempered, unimpressed-with-him Chuunin sensei.
The bookstore owner sidled up to him, eyes darting. Kakashi watched him without watching him. "You might try this one," the man whispered, trying to hand Kakashi a book without anyone seeing.
Kakashi looked at the man like he'd lost his mind. He wasn't being subtle; in a village full of ninja, the way to be subtle was to act like Anko. Then everyone assumed you had nothing to hide.
Kakashi looked down at the cover of the book anyway. "101 Ways to Please Your Lover in Bed."
He lifted incredulous eyes--well, eye--to the shop owner. "Excuse me?"
"I heard about your little problem," the shopkeeper said. "I just thought this might help." He hesitated, then said, "Nice of that academy sensei to teach you."
Kakashi kept staring. "Problem? What 'little problem'?"
"You know," the man said, looking more and more uncomfortable. He leaned closer. Kakashi leaned away, but the man didn't seem to notice. "Pleasing your partners. No shame in being unable to bring someone else off, you know. Sometimes--"
A few minutes later Kakashi left with a new porn magazine, two books on training dogs, and a hole where the front of the shop used to be.
He was going to *kill* Iruka. That catty little bitch. Telling people that he couldn't--that he--
And of course since it came from Iruka, the best source of gossip there was, everyone just *believed* it! After all the work he'd gone to that morning, too! Making sure the pretty little Chuunin was all hot and bothered before going any farther! It wasn't easy to seduce someone who was so bent on tearing you limb from limb--literally!
Kakashi stormed into the mission office, threw out three Genin and their Jounin teacher, and locked the door.
"Hi," Iruka said, looking just a tad bit nervous sitting behind the mission desk.
"You catty little bitch!" Kakashi nearly yelled. He still hadn't thought of anything better to call Iruka; his forte had always been as the strong silent one--well, the lazy silent one--while the people around him spouted off. But he was trying.
"What did you expect, after siccing your fans on me and practically coercing me into sex?!" Iruka yelled, slamming his hands on the desk and lunging to his feet.
"Coercing--!" Kakashi sputtered. "You enjoyed every minute of it!"
From the blush that rose, Iruka was well aware of that. "All right, look. You sicced your fans on me, I sicced the Gossip Vine on you--how about we be adults and call it even?"
Kakashi purposefully relaxed, shoving his hands in his pockets and letting his eye drift half closed. "Or," he said slowly, "you could tell everyone I'm the best lay you've ever had."
"You could tell everyone *I'm* the best lay *you've* ever had," Iruka shot back.
Kakashi started sauntering toward the mission desk. "All right."
"All--what?" Iruka said, frowning. "What do you mean, all right?"
"I mean," Kakashi purred, "you were a damn good lay."
"Oh. Well. Um. Thanks."
Kakashi smiled behind his mask and looked Iruka over lazily. "All hot and tight--"
Iruka made an inarticulate noise and grabbed for a kunai, obviously preparing to throw it.
It was *so* easy to get a rise out of him. It really should be declared illegal.
Kakashi moved quickly, catching the kunai in mid-air--Iruka was getting faster--and imbedding it into the desk before coming to stop next to the darker man. "--and making those adorable little mewling noises--" he continued, breathing into the Chuunin's ear and watching gleefully as goosebumps rose.
"You are absolutely impossible!" Iruka hissed without looking at him. "Do you do these things just to infuriate me?"
Kakashi smirked. "Everything I do is just to infuriate you."
Iruka went very still.
Kakashi paused. He looked at the Chuunin's face. The man looked carefully blank. "Get out."
Kakashi's eyebrows rose. "I believe we've had this conversation before--" he started.
"No. We haven't. Before, I let you chase me around. Get. Out." His knuckles were white on the desk edge.
Kakashi frowned, stepping back and scratching at his head. "Iruka--"
He didn't have to leave. It wasn't like Iruka could make him. Glowering, Kakashi slouched to the beat-up couch in the corner and flopped down. "I'll just wait until you've got some sense."
Iruka stood there for a long moment, wheels obviously turning between his little ears. Then he started to pack his duffel bag with carefully precise movements. Done, he slung it over his shoulder and headed out the door.
Kakashi jumped up and followed him. "Are you angry because I called you a catty little bitch?" he asked, keeping pace with the other man.
"No," Iruka snapped. "I'm angry because I had sex with you."
Kakashi took an extra step forward, swinging Iruka around and pressing him into the wall. "You didn't like it?" he nearly purred.
"I'm trying," Kakashi said lecherously.
Iruka didn't fight, and that was alarming. Kakashi let him go.
"If you want to get a rise out of people," Iruka snapped, heading down the hall again, "find a different way to do it."
Kakashi stared at him, then sighed, putting one hand in his pocket and using the other to ruffle up his hair. He stood for several minutes, working through their conversation, trying to figure out what had just happened.
He'd decided it was okay with him if Iruka spread rumors. He could just retaliate with his fanclub, and as long as he was allowed to get a rise out of the other man and they kept having sex--
When he realized what was wrong, he cringed and started out of the tower, heading casually down the street toward Iruka's apartment.
He reached it just as Iruka was turning the key in the lock.
"I didn't have sex with you for the rise," Kakashi said loudly.
Iruka paused, then twisted the lock and walked inside. Kakashi followed. There was a brief struggle at the door when Iruka tried to close it in his face, but Kakashi won.
"Even I'm not that much of a bastard," he continued, glancing around. Then he thought about himself and added, "Usually."
"Is this supposed to impress me?" Iruka snapped.
Kakashi picked up a coaster with a boat painted on it. Iruka grabbed it and put it back down. "It's supposed to make you less touchy," Kakashi said, looking around the apartment. His eyebrows rose at the dishes piled in the sink.
"Fuck off," Iruka muttered. "And I would be less touchy if you weren't an ass who did things just to get a rise out of me."
Kakashi continued to ignore him.
The Chuunin folded his arms over his chest and snapped, "Having sex with you was a mistake, and not one I'll be making again."
Kakashi shrugged. Obviously, since Iruka was arguing instead of telling him coolly to leave, the whole using-sex-to-get-a-rise thing had mattered--whether or not the man wanted to admit it. As for not having sex again--hell, Iruka was younger than Kakashi, so even *more* hormonal.
"Why *did* you have sex with me, if not for the rise?" Iruka asked suspiciously.
Kakashi just shrugged again and answered with a dark statement of his own. "You told the Gossip Vine that I couldn't make people orgasm."
Kakashi glared at him. Iruka stopped snickering and said, "Sorry." But his lips twitched upward.
Kakashi looked as lazy as he possibly could. "That's all right. You still know I'm the better lover."
Iruka's eyes widened. "Hey, that wasn't a fair test. You *ambushed* me."
"I made you enjoy anal sex. Admit it. I'm better," Kakashi said smugly.
Predictably, Iruka's face turned red and he puffed up, eyes narrowing. "I'll admit no such thing. You're just an asshole who reads too much porn. In a fair fight, I'm much better than that."
"Oh yeah?" Kakashi asked, moving slowly closer.
"Yeah," Iruka snapped, refusing to back away.
Kakashi inched farther in. "I've seen no proof of that. And I *am* a genius." He was so close he could feel Iruka's breath.
"Please. Just because you're a genius ninja doesn't mean you're a genius in bed."
"Oh," Kakashi said, pretending to pout. "So you didn't like the blowjob? No, no, wait, I saw the evidence of that myself . . ." He watched gleefully as Iruka's Adam's apple bobbed in a swallow. Seducing people with raging hormones was so easy. Almost as easy as riling the other man.
"It was *adequate*," Iruka muttered.
"Ah. So next time I should use more tongue?" Kakashi smiled cheerfully, watching a flush crawl across tan cheeks.
"I can't believe you *said* that!"
"If you can't even talk about it, Sensei, I don't see how you think you'd be better at it," Kakashi purred.
"You are such an ass," Iruka growled.
Kakashi hummed approvingly and reached around to squeeze the anatomy in question.
Iruka yelped. "Stop that!"
"I still haven't seen anything to make me release my claim of Best In Bed," Kakashi murmured. He could feel the heat from the other man. Perfect. He stepped just a little bit closer, barely touching, and was thrilled when Iruka stood his ground. Mission: Tease Iruka Into Sex was nearly complete!
There was a moment of indecision in the younger man's dark eyes, then Iruka grabbed Kakashi's vest, planted a foot, and twisted them both onto the futon.
Kakashi could have stopped it, of course. But it was more fun to see what Iruka would do, now that he'd . . . *risen.*
"This is becoming a bad habit," Iruka groaned a little while later.
"Yeah," Kakashi sighed happily. "I love bad habits."
Iruka rolled off of his futon, staggering to his feet. If he got dressed he could head back to the mission desk and work late, calling this a long lunch break rather than taking a sick day . . .
He could feel Kakashi's eyes on his tush. He whipped around quickly, glaring, and was met with a lazy upward turn of mismatched eyes. "Don't get any ideas," he said sternly. "I'm not having sex with you anymore."
Kakashi sighed. "You said that before." Iruka felt a flash of annoyance, but didn't answer. "I had sex with you because you were hot," Kakashi said.
Iruka looked at him. "Huh?" he asked eloquently.
"You asked why I had sex with you, if it wasn't to get a rise out of you. Because you were hot."
Iruka itched self-consciously at his neck. "Oh. Uh. Thanks." He went back to pulling on his underwear, followed by his pants and--what the hell had happened to his hitai-ate?
He stopped and looked up. "What are you going to tell your fans?"
Kakashi shrugged. "What are you going to tell the Gossip Vine?"
Iruka's eyes narrowed. "Depends on what you tell your fans."
"I have to think about it."
"You do that," Iruka muttered. "Where the hell is my vest?"
Kakashi grunted, reaching underneath him and yanking it out. "Here."
Iruka stared at it. "I can go without today," he muttered finally, tucking his shirt in. "Are you just going to lie there?" he snapped, standing. "I'm going to be late!"
"You're already late," Kakashi mumbled. "And yes. Then later I might raid your fridge."
Iruka stared at him, finding it very difficult to believe that the man was really just going to sprawl out on the futon of someone he only barely knew.
Of course, they had had sex. Twice.
Apparently, that was enough for Kakashi. "Fine," Iruka said. "Then you can also do the dishes."
Kakashi nodded and snuggled into the pillow.
Iruka walked out, closed the door, turned back, opened it, walked in, and said, "I'm not having sex with you again."
"Okay," Kakashi said sleepily.
Kakashi ate Iruka's leftovers and did the dishes before leaving. Iruka told the Gossip Vine that Kakashi's little "problem" seemed to have resolved itself (under his expert tutelage). Kakashi told his fans that Iruka spread rumors to overcompensate (though he really had nothing to worry about). And Kakashi and Iruka didn't have sex (repeatedly).
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