Shit shit shit.

Okay. Missions were out. Trying to talk sense into Gai was out. Living his life as a cat was considered, then ruled out on account of hairballs.

So what was left?

...Gai wouldn't leave him alone until he found someone. So... he'd have to find someone. Not for real, of course... but if he could convince someone to pretend to be involved with him... that would get Gai off his back and hopefully persuade all those crazies pursuing him to back off too.

Okay. So what was he looking for in a fake date?

... considering the...earnestness of some of his admirers, it would probably be safer if the other person was a ninja. Besides, who else but another ninja could put up with him for any length of time?

Hm....other person... it didn't matter too much to Kakashi personally if it was a guy or a girl, he'd been attracted to both. When you go through that much porn it was simpler to be equal opportunity about it. But... if it was a woman, Gai would be pestering him to start planning the wedding... or, gods forbid, asking when they were going to have kids...

Right. A guy it would be.

So. Male shinobi. This being a ninja village, that still left a decent pool of candidates. They'd have to be at least chuunin level. He taught genin, so anyone of that rank seemed... phenomenally young. And just... ew. Ew.

No one in ANBU, of course... and jounin... man, jounin were crazy. Just look at Gai. Or Genma. Or Ebisu.

Hell, Kakashi was probably the only sane one in the bunch.

...

Anyway.

A male chuunin, then?

...waitaminute... that guy who sometimes manned the mission desks... the one who taught at the academy... Iruka-sensei.

He was the right age, the right rank... and easy on the eyes, which Kakashi certainly had no objection to. More importantly, teaching at the academy argued well-nigh infinite patience. Kakashi hadn't had any serious relationships, but logic argued that anyone dating him (or even pretending to) would need that quality in spades.

Now to blackmail.... that is, convince Iruka to help him out. And he was pretty sure he knew exactly how he could do it...

I know, I know, it's short, I'm horrible, but I really wanted to post something for Valentine's Day. Which I, for one, will be celebrating by reading KakaIru smut doujinshi. (I'm a hopeless romantic that way.)

This chapter is dedicated to the members of the ScarletSpiral RP, especially Hinaku.

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