It was a good day to be Maito Gai.

Well, as far as he was concerned, there was never a bad day to be Maito Gai, but even Konoha's Emerald Beast would admit that some days were better than others.

...but TODAY. Today, truly, was a day Bright and Shining with Possibilities. For Today, perhaps, he would Succeed in his Mission to find his Noble Rival a Special Someone, thus finally Freeing Himself to do likewise. And Maito Gai was comfortable enough with his Manliness to admit that the thought of holding his child in his arms, wearing a tiny green jumpsuit, was enough to bring a tear to his eye.

Just the other day he'd noticed what an Attractive Young Woman was working at a nearby Food Establishment. Surely it was a Sign that she'd given him an extra slice of pork in his ramen. But before he could court this Fair and Virtuous Maid... ah, if only his Rival Kakashi had not devoted so much of his time to mastering his Ninja Arts so that he could Keep Up with Gai, as to have forgotten the development of his People Skills.

In contrast, Gai's People Skills were as Mighty as his admittedly Mighty Physique. With only a Smile and a Thumbs Up, most people jumped over themselves to do exactly what he'd asked as quickly as Humanly Possible. Why, stores and restaurants often insisted on Serving Him First so that he could Resume his Ninja Duties and Return to Guarding Konoha Immediately. Truly, he was blessed to live among such Dedicated Persons.

And speaking of Dedicated Persons, here was his Eternal Rival now! Gai paused from the Words of Inspiration he was sharing with his team.

"Kakashi-sensei! Alas, you have missed the first half of my Stirring Speech. But you are still in time for the Second Half!" Gai gave him Smile and Thumbs Up number Six. To the untrained observer, it strongly resembled Smile and Thumbs Up numbers Fifteen and Twenty-two, but he knew Kakashi would appreciate the Subtle Nuances distinguishing them.

"Ahh, Gai-sensei... could I have a word with you in private?" His rival's mien looked serious, and even his hair seemed to be drooping slightly more than usual.

Gai suddenly realized what This must be about, and his heart swelled with caring for his unsophisticated yet deadly rival. "Of course. My youthful team, Attend to Your Training with Diligence until my Swift Return!" They received Smile and Thumbs Up number Four, which was, of course, completely different.

After transporting themselves a few hundred yards away to a small clearing, Gai allowed his expression to sober.

"I am deeply honoured that you have come to me once again in your time of Need, Kakashi. For just as I have sworn to find you a Partner, so it is only fitting that I Aid you in This as well." Gai paused to draw a breath.

His Rival's visible eye had widened noticeably, the better to take in the Vital Information about to be Imparted. "Gai, actually I..."

"You see, when a Man and a Woman Care for Each Other Very Much..."

"Gai, no! It's not..."

Gai's eyes once more Lit with Understanding. "Of course, Kakashi-sensei. I am a Liberated Jounin of Konoha. You see, when two Men Love Each Other Very Much..."

Somewhere in there, there must be a jutsu that would allow Kakashi to irrevocably erase the last hour from his memory. And while it might cost him his life to obtain such a scroll, the price seemed cheap indeed.

Alternately, he could get blind, stinking drunk. But then he still might eventually sober up and remember the bit where, after his continued protests, Gai had once again felt the need to show what a liberated jounin he was by explaining what happened when two men and a woman loved each other very much, and what happened when a man and a sheep loved each other a little too much.

No. Risk of being killed by hunter nin aside, the forbidden amnesia jutsu was definitely a better bet.

Stupid Gai.

Okay, maybe he could get an away mission. But that meant going to the missions room, which meant going through the heart of Konoha...

This called for subterfuge.

He definitely noticed a second later when the cat vanished and in its place was the infamous Copy Nin Kakashi. But everyone noticed that.

You could tell because of the sudden silence in the room. And no one does silent like a room full of ninja. It was a silence so dead, you could smell the blood.

(...we did mention the rather violent nature of ninja metaphors earlier, didn't we?)

If Kakashi noticed it too... and how could he not... he gave no sign. Instead, he pulled out a well-worn orange book, and, looking down, made his way along a path that had miraculously opened up down the centre of the room to the desk.

"Yo."

"Good evening, jounin-san." Iruka's heart rate may have just increased out of sheer nervousness, but he was damned if he'd let it show. "How may I help you?"

The room held its collective breath.

"I was wondering what missions were available."

"Err..." Calm down, it's not as though he's even looking at you... Iruka busied himself flipping through files. "For your team or an individual mission?"

"Individual. Preferably an A rank."

"I see." And he did. An A rank would guarantee at least a week in the field. And now that he was this close to the copy nin, he could see Kakashi-san's visible eye was looking slightly bloodshot and tired. "I'm sorry, jounin-san, but all of our current A rank and S rank missions have been assigned."

"Oh."

"We do have several C rank bodyguarding missions that have just come in." Of course, they were all in Konoha, and all had specifically requested Kakashi...

"Ahh... no, that won't be necessary. I'll just get back to training my team, then. Thank you for your help... Iruka-sensei."

"A good day to you, Kakashi-san."

They bowed politely to each other, then Kakashi turned and walked away, pausing at the door to vanish in a puff of smoke.

A grey tomcat sauntered out of the mission room.

A few seconds later... just enough time for the room to collectively refill its lungs from the breath it had been holding... and some of the room had started looking distinctly blue tinged... the room exploded with voices. Speculation on what had just happened, what it meant, how Kakashi was looking...

For the love of... Iruka refrained from banging his head against the desk through sheer force of will.

To see Gabrielchaos' inspired interpretation of the Uchiha massacre, check out www dot livejournal dot com slash users slash gabriel underscore chaos slash 2005 slash 11 slash 21 slash

This chapter is dedicated to Kiks, who is my Gai beta.

And as always, a giant thank you to everyone who has taken the time to review. It means the world to me.

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