All About Sex

A/N: This was the first of the drabbles. The next was Gay Porn, though they're not really a series. Just me entertaining myself.

Do not own. Only playing.

All About Sex 1/1

Kakashi never locked his apartment door. Not that Iruka minded; it meant he could disable the wards (which Kakashi, after finding Iruka hung upside down and decorated with a pink bow, graciously showed him how to do) and walk inside when Kakashi was late.

It wasn't that Kakashi was always late. Or even always purposefully late. But he was often late.

Iruka was never surprised, and Kakashi was only really late the one time. He'd learned his lesson.

So Iruka just took the wards off the door and headed inside.

Kakashi's apartment, however, despite the Jounin's best attempts, still was not terribly nice to be in. So Iruka tried to distract himself.

He did paperwork.

He graded exams.

He plotted what he would put on the pop quiz he had just decided he was going to give his students the next morning.

He examined his toenails.

He found a split end, and spent thirty minutes carefully splitting the entire hair, without breaking parts of it off.

He polished his sandals, which was much more difficult even than it sounded.

He took the magnets off the refrigerator, taking each little pretend watermelon over to the bathroom and hiding them, giggling (manfully, though) at the thought of the Jounin searching frantically for them because Something Was Out Of Place.

Then he finally wandered over and peered into Kakashi's box of books.

It was an impressive box, he had to admit. He peered at it from his entire height for a while, half afraid to touch it. Hardcovers shared space with magazines and manga, all of it balanced precariously, almost artfully, so that if someone took one thing, dozens others would come crashing down.

Carefully, Iruka took the one thing he thought he could reach, without everything falling.

It wasn't that he had any interest in the book. It was perverted and disturbing, and decent people didn't read it.

Except Kakashi--who, granted, couldn't be called 'decent' by any stretch of the imagination--really liked it. Read it all the time. Even in Iruka's class, once, when Iruka had been in the bathroom.

He'd heard about that one from the parents.

So it seemed only like polite interest that he should find out what it was, exactly, that Kakashi liked so much about this book.

That was the only reason he opened up the first page of Icha Icha Paradise and began to read.

He wasn't sure when, exactly, he sat down on the futon, his face a mask of fascinated horror. He really wasn't sure when he got halfway through the book.

He was, unfortunately, aware of when he realized he was half-hard, despite the fact that he wasn't even sure he liked the books (the writing was stilted, and the characters were lucky if they were one-dimensional, but the sex was phenomenal!).

Specifically, the point at which he realized he was horny was the same moment Kakashi walked through the door.

Iruka screamed (mostly definitely not like a little girl, thank you) and jumped to shove the book between the wall and the futon.

Kakashi looked at him curiously. "Hello to you, too, Iruka," he said, as if Iruka screamed and shoved his arm down between the wall and the bed every day.

Iruka tried to smile brightly and act normal. He pulled on his arm, and realized it was stuck. "Hello, Kakashi," he said back, still tugging.

"Do you need a hand?" Kakashi asked innocently.

Iruka gritted his teeth, but kept his smile. "No, thank you, Kakashi."

"All right." Kakashi closed the door and leaned against it, amusement radiating from every line of his body. "What are you doing?"


"Ah." Kakashi smiled.

Iruka smiled back, stretched across the bed, and as casually as possible crossed his legs. It wasn't the most comfortable of positions, and he was pretty sure it didn't look at all natural, but damn it, it was all he could think of. He was still horny.

"Are you sure you don't want any help?" Kakashi asked sweetly.

Iruka debated using some of those words he so seldom used. Instead, he said, "I'm fine."

"Hmm," Kakashi answered. He strolled into the room, peering down into his box of books. "You don't, by any chance, know what happened to my copy of Icha Icha Paradise, do you?" he asked, still innocent.

Iruka kept his smile, but only by immense use of chakra. "No, Kakashi."

"Ah. I see." Kakashi only smiled serenely.

Iruka fidgeted. There was no way he was fooling anyone. "Oh, all right. Would you help me get free? And I was just curious."

"Ah." Kakashi smiled, grabbed the edge of the futon, and yanked. The whole thing came away from the wall. Iruka's arm tingled as blood flow returned, and Kakashi calmly reached over and picked up the book that had fallen to the floor.

"Don?t tell anyone," Iruka muttered, uncomfortable, rubbing feeling back into his hand.

Kakashi grinned sunnily. "Of course!"

At the time, Iruka assumed that meant of course not. He was, after all, still learning how to translate Kakashi-ese.

It wasn't until much later (and Genma's use of the term Pervert-Boy) that he realized otherwise. Still, he supposed there were worse things then getting caught reading Icha Icha Paradise.

Having your silver hair dyed permanently pink, for instance, and "Mommy" semi-permanently tattooed on your hands. That would be worse.

Not that he would ever do something like that.



Not unless the person really deserved it.

It took him a week to figure out how.

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