DISCLAIMER!! Boob Woman and the Stupid Seven belong to Jenna B. McDonald 1998. Don't steal them. :) As always, feedback is adored.

Boob Woman looked around her flat, eyeing her figure in the mirror. Perfect. No one would suspect her in the guise of . . . an everyday, flat chested LIBRARY WOMAN!! No, she was safe now. As were the people around her.

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At her work, she was helpfully telling rowdy teenagers to be quiet--when SUDDENLY!!

'All right, hand over the books!' a masked man said, pointing something out of his jacket at her nearby library friend.

I must act quickly, Boob Woman thought, looking around. But her secret identity couldn't be compromised . . . I know! she picked up a phone and quickly dialed, listening to it ring on the other end.

'Bad Breath Man here, what is your emergency?' came the Deep Super Hero Voice on the other end.

'Quickly, Bad Breath Man,' she said, 'You must get to the library! Someone is trying to steal the books!!'

'By the Comic's Code!' Bad Breath Man cried, 'I'll be right down!' he hung up, running down to the train station and leaping onto the train just as it pulled out, causing his muscles to bunch and making him look very Super-Hero-ish. He rode the train all the way down--it just happened to pass through the middle of the city and by the library--and leapt daringly off! Luckily an old woman broke his fall, and he was fine as he ran into the library to stop the robbery. 'Foul fiend!' he cried, blowing bad breath at the villain.

The library robber just laughed. 'I have a gas mask, you--'

'Hush, evildoer! We mustn't break the Comic's Code!' Bad Breath Man cried, silencing the villain from saying anything a six month old wouldn't say.

'HELP US BAD BREATH MAN!' the masses inside shouted as the Evil Villain started to use his Nerf gun against Bad Breath Man.

Bad Breath Man was obviously losing the fight as Boob Woman ran behind a conveniently placed giant pile of books, pulling apart her shirt and becoming . . .

. BOOB WOMAN!!! DEFENDER OF THE LARGE CHESTED EVERYWHERE!!!

'Hurry, Boob Woman!' Bad Breath Man cried, now bloody and beaten, though no one knew how he'd gotten that way against a Nerf gun.

'I'm coming, Bad Breath Man! Don't worry!' Boob Woman shouted, racing to his rescue. 'Stop, Evil Fiend! You mustn't do that any more!' she cried, coming up behind him and swiveling her torso quickly, knocking him down with the power of her DDDD breasts.

But the Evil Villain fired up at her, knocking Boob Woman unconscious as she forgot to use her power to bounce the foam things back.

'I must . . . get . . . the others . . .' Bad Breath Man said heroically , dialing the number for their hideout.

'Whatdayawant?' came the voice of Teenage Boy.

*Ah!* Bad Breath Man thought, *Teenage Boy! No one can defeat him!* 'Teenage Boy, come quickly! We're under attack!!'

Like all heroes, Teenage Boy knew right away what the plan was and where the others were, and he leapt onto a passing speed boat and raced down the river (for there was also a river running through the city and past the library).

'I'm here!' Teenage Boy sighed, rolling his eyes in that obnoxious teenage way.

'Teenage Boy!' the Evil Villain cried, 'You'll not stop me either! For I have the ultimate weapon against you!!' The Maniac quickly pushed 'play' on a conveniently placed television, which also had a conveniently place VCR with a tape already in it of a young girl wearing only enough to keep the Comics Code happy, dancing.

'Oh no!' Boob Woman cried, watching Teenage Boy's face go slack and drool start to ease out the corner of his mouth as he watched the figure across the screen. 'We're doomed!!!'

'HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I knew Teenage Boy couldn't resist my ultimate weapon--Teenage Girl!!!!!'

'Only . . . one . . . chance . . . .' Bad Breath Man said, inching his w ay over to the magazine section of the library which was, of course, conveniently located near where he'd fallen. Quickly he took the magazine 'Old Pleasure,' holding it up in front of Teenage Boy's face at a page with elderly people kissing as they advertised for 'Ensure.'

Teenage Boy shrieked at the horrid, unwanted image, scarred for life as his teenage mind tried to block out the picture. 'EVIL FIEND!' he cried, broken of the spell of Teenage Girl and turning to the Evil Villain. 'I'll get you yet, you dork! What sort of idiot robs a *library* anyway? God, how stupid *are* you? Man, you're even dumber then my old man.' Teenage Boy continued with his teenage ranting, the Evil Villain covering his ears in a vain attempt to get away from the horror. But it was no use.

'I give up!' he cried finally, collapsing to his knees. 'I swear I'll go to jail!'

Bad Breath Man stood, conveniently better now, and handcuffed the Evil Fiend just as the police walked in.

'Thank you, Bad Breath Man, Boob Woman and Teenage Boy,' the cop said officially. 'We couldn't have caught him without your help. He's wanted for stealing teenagers and books and forcing the teens to read all over the country. We can't thank you enough.'

Teenage Boy shuddered at the thought of all those poor teens having to READ. But, being the cool teenager that he was, all he said was 'Butt rash.'

Boob Woman nodded, looking off into the distance. 'Yes. Yes, butt rash indeed.'

Teenage Boy also looked off into the distance, though farther away where no one could see him. 'Someday, Teenage Girl, I'll find you. This I swear on my aunt's sister-in-law's mother's brother's second cousin once removed father's dead dog's eaten cat of the boy who's father died grave.'

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