Mizuki whimpered something along the lines of, "You are my best friend ever."

Which was nice, but it didn't make Iruka any less tired.

He greeted the ninja at the mission office with a weary smile, then stood there while he flipped through the report, asking a few questions and making some notes. When he was finally--finally!--done, Iruka headed out the door.

Only to run into Genma in the hall.

Iruka froze, stared at his feet, and tried to hurry past.

"Wait--" Genma said, reaching out and snagging his sleeve.

Iruka flinched back.

Genma let go. "Just--stay here, all right? Don't go anywhere."

Iruka mumbled something along the lines of, "Sure," waited until Genma walked into the mission office, and beat a hasty retreat.

There was no way he was going to sit and talk to a man he'd seen Raidou screwing the day before. No way.

He pushed out of the double doors and into the sunlight, not quite running--that would only attract attention--but walking very briskly.

"HEY!" he heard Genma bellow, and a moment later the Chuunin was racing up to him, feet pattering on the stones.

Grudgingly, Iruka stopped. He knew he couldn't outrun Genma, and had too much pride to try.

Barely.

"Hey--" Genma said again, catching up and grabbing Iruka's sleeve, as if afraid the teenager would try to bolt.

Iruka stared at Genma's shoes. The ends of his laces were frayed, and one lace was broken. The Chuunin had knotted it together and left it.

"I wanted to apologize. For yesterday."

Iruka shrugged. "You didn't do anything wrong," he mumbled.

"I know. But I'm sorry anyway."

Genma's boots were scuffed, the soles worn down. Idly, Iruka wondered if the man planned on wearing them out totally before he bought new ones.

"Can we go somewhere private? I mean, not in the middle of the street, not--um--private private . . ."

Iruka thought he'd hid the way his body tried to recoil at the words, but couldn't be sure. "Do we have to? You apologized. I accept it."

"C'mon, kid, help me out here," Genma nearly whined. "This isn't easy for me either, y'know . . ."

Iruka snuck a glance upward, then looked down quickly. "I don't really want to go anywhere private," he said quietly. The very thought made his heart hammer like a butterfly against glass. He didn't want that. Not with a man who obviously liked other men.

"I'll buy you ramen," Genma offered, voice half-desperate. "I mean, that's not private but it's not the middle of the street, right? Can we compromise?"

Iruka almost said no. It was on the tip of his tongue, in the shake of his head. Then Genma added, in a distressed voice, "Please?"

Iruka cursed under his breath. "Half an hour," he said finally. "And then I'm leaving."

"Deal."

**

Iruka sat at a booth, staring at the scarred tabletop, waiting for ramen.

This had been a bad idea. He fidgeted. Across from him, Genma chewed on the senbon still in his mouth. The chimes above the door sang as someone left. He could hear the sizzle of meat cooking on a hot pan. He tried not to look at Genma. Tried not to remember seeing the man on his hands and knees.

"You look like a rabbit."

Iruka was yanked out of his thoughts. He looked up, confused. "Huh?"

"You look like a rabbit. You know. About to bolt at any minute." Genma pulled his senbon out of his mouth and tapped it against the back of the opposite hand. "You're making me feel bad, kid. And I didn't do anything wrong."

Iruka bristled. "I didn't say you did anything wrong."

"Well, I know, but you look like I kicked your dog."

"I don't have a dog," Iruka muttered, unable to think of anything else.

Genma just looked at him.

Iruka stared at the tabletop. The steady thunk of metal hitting skin whispered over the wood. A fly landed between them, circled for a moment, and then buzzed lazily away. Iruka scratched his ankle.

"It's still me," Genma said suddenly. "I've known you for three years. I mean, not well, but . . ." he smiled painfully. "If you don't want to ever see me again I'll understand, but if you pull this with Raidou it's gonna kill him."

Iruka picked at a rough bit of wood. "I know." He felt guilty about it, too.

Their ramen arrived. Iruka thanked the restaurant owner with a brief smile, and eyed the bowl of noodles. He wasn't really hungry. His stomach was in too many knots to eat.

"I didn't mean to fuck things up," Genma murmured.

Iruka pushed his bowl away, laying his folded arms on the table and bracing his chin on them. He stared at the grain of the wood. "It's not your fault."

Genma wasn't eating either. "If it makes you feel any better, I don't think he'd hardly noticed guys until I suggested it."

Iruka thought about that. Tasted the way it rolled around on his tongue. Then smiled grudgingly. "Yeah," he said, half surprised. "It does." He watched steam curl up and away from his soup. Smelled vegetables and steak cooking in the hot water. Someone in the back of the restaurant dropped a plate and swore creatively. "Are you always going to be at Raidou's place?"

Genma glanced at him, then looked down at where he was tapping his senbon against the bowl. He held it barely above the slanted ceramic, then let go.

It dropped, bouncing perfectly back into his fingers despite the slant. "Just until I find my own place." He dropped it again. It bounced back. "Do I make you nervous?"

Iruka watched the tip of the senbon, half hypnotized. He didn't want to answer that question. He wasn't sure what the answer was. "I've known you for a long time," he said, finally, hoping Genma would take that as a response.

Genma scowled. The senbon tinked against the ceramic.

He didn't know much about the Chuunin, beyond that he was Raidou's partner--in more ways than one, apparently. Genma was like the uncle you never saw, or maybe your older sibling's boyfriend. That one, it seemed, more than he'd thought.

"Look, kid--"

"Would you not call me that?" Iruka snapped. "I'm sixteen!"

Genma looked at him dubiously.

Silence stretched.

"What were you going to say?" Iruka asked finally.

"I forget."

Iruka sighed. The senbon tinked against the bowl. "Has it been half an hour yet?"

"Look, kid, here's the thing," Genma said, absently tossing the senbon back up, into his mouth. His teeth closed around it expertly, eyes fixed on the water steaming in his bowl. "None of us have a lot of family left. You and me, we don't have any. Except you've found one, right? And Raidou has--well, most of his, still. And I don't want to fuck up your family and his family--" he stopped, scratching the back of his head, staring out the window. "I just--I kinda like Raidou. And I don't want to let him go, but--fuck." He yanked the senbon out of his mouth and bounced it against the back of his hand. The tip drew a single bead of blood, and Genma wiped it away absently. "I was just sort of hoping I could make things better."

Iruka watched the Chuunin uncomfortably. Not once had Genma looked at him. "You can't make things better," Iruka said, chin still on his arms. "I have to do that myself. So . . . so don't stop seeing Raidou, if it makes you both happy." He didn't have to go around as often. There was no reason he had to rely on Raidou, anyway. He hesitated, then asked, "What happened to your family?"

Genma glanced at him, looking up from rubbing his thumb across the back of his hand. He smiled humorlessly. "Demon."

Iruka looked down and nodded. "Mine, too."

"I know," Genma said.

Iruka looked up.

Putting the senbon back in his mouth, Genma smiled. "You probably didn't notice, but I remember watching you at the hospital. Your mom was there, right? And you came every damn day." Genma's smile faded to something softer, and sad. "I was kinda stuck there at the time. So I watched people. You--you were there constantly."

Iruka stared at him. "Yeah."

"You always looked kind of . . . shellshocked."

Iruka nodded. "Everyone was dead."

Genma dropped his gaze. "Yeah." He drew the slender metal out of his mouth again, twiddling it. "Hurt."

Iruka trailed fingers along the weave of wood, and finally said, "I'm sorry."

"What?" Genma asked curiously.

"I--you remember a few years ago? You stayed with me that night in my house. Brought me to Raidou's the next day."

Genma nodded slowly; Iruka could see it out of the corner of his eye.

Iruka smiled painfully. "I thought you were mean. I thought some really terrible things at you. I was sure you had a nice loving family to go home to, but . . . I guess not," he finished softly.

"Everyone thinks mean things when they're angry," Genma answered after a minute. "No big deal."

They were silent for a long time.

Iruka took a deep breath. "If you're going to try and get a new family, Raidou's a good person to know. He--he's really . . . nice." His stomach fluttered. He didn't want Genma around. He didn't want Raidou and Genma doing . . . things. But the damage was done. His family had already changed, and he couldn't change it back.

"Yeah?" Genma asked.

Iruka nodded, eyes riveted on the swirls in the wood.

"Thanks."

They sat in silence for a while more.

"Maybe sometime, you could come over and give me tips. I mean, does he dribble toothpaste in the sink? 'Cause man, I don't think I can deal with that."

Iruka smiled reluctantly. "No, but he'll probably make you get new shoes."

Genma leaned back, peering under the table. "What? Why? These are fine."

"He can't stand old shoes. He's got this thing." Iruka shrugged. More than once, Raidou had dragged him off to buy a decent pair of boots--Raidou's term, not his.

"They don't have holes or anything yet," Genma muttered, still looking at them.

Iruka smiled crookedly. "I know. But trust me."

"Fuck that," Genma snorted. "I only just broke these in."

Iruka's eyebrows rose. "How long have you had them?"

Genma looked upward. He leaned forward slowly, still thinking.

Iruka snorted and sat up himself, pulling his bowl of ramen toward him.

"Let's see," Genma drawled, "I was fifteen when I became Chuunin . . ."

Iruka rolled his eyes. "You try and remember, I'm going to eat lunch."

**

Raidou stepped out of the shower, relieved to be clean after three days of spying. He hated spying on people. It was the most boring, filthy job you could possibly get. And they only let the higher level Jounin do it, because it was fantastically easy to get caught. He glared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror--nothing more than a blur, due to steam--and wondered why they hadn't given that little bastard genius the job. Old enough to lead teams, but not to spy? Bullshit. Next time, he was going to complain.

Then Raidou deflated and sighed, letting himself out of the bathroom. He wasn't going to complain. It just wasn't nice to convince them that a nineteen-year-old kid should have to go lay still for hours on end.

He stumbled through his bedroom, tripping over a pair of pants that weren't his. He kicked them into the corner. He was going to have to talk to Genma about that. Didn't really want his place totally destroyed. He stooped to grab a shirt and a pair of boxers, went to throw them in the corner, too, and paused.

Blood. He turned the bundle of cloth, shaking everything loose. Blood on the boxers.

He dropped them and glanced toward the bed, yanking the blankets back. The sheets were clean. Genma had changed them. But he was certain that the blood from before had been at hip level.

He gnawed on a scab adorning his lip and shoved the boxers into the corner with one foot. Either there was something wrong, and Genma needed to go to the hospital, or the man had lied.

Either way, it wasn't good.

The front door opened. Raidou walked slowly to the living room, peering out.

"You're back!" Genma said, smiling.

"Just a few hours ago," Raidou confirmed. He hesitated.

Genma's smile was fading as the man realized something was wrong. "What?"

"Why are you bleeding?"

Genma looked at him. "Huh?"

"Blood on the sheets. Blood in your underwear. Genma--what's going on?" He was scared, he realized suddenly. Scared and angry.

Genma laughed self-consciously. "It's nothing--"

"It's not nothing," Raidou snapped. He was too tired to pussyfoot around this. He wanted answers.

Genma's face fell into annoyance. "What were you doing going through my underwear, anyway?"

Raidou frowned. "They were on the floor. I wasn't 'going through' anything, and don't play the privacy game. You're the one who left them lying there."

Genma hesitated, then shrugged, rubbing his fingers through his hair. "Raidou, relax," he muttered. "It's just from the other night. Or maybe the next morning. Sometimes things just go a little fast . . . you know, in the heat of the moment and all that . . ."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Raidou said softly. He'd hurt Genma.

"Shit, it's just a little pain. It's nothing like a mission or--"

"This isn't a mission!" Raidou cried. "It's not supposed to hurt, it's supposed to be good!" He felt terrible.

"And it is," Genma soothed. "Sometimes, when it's fast, I just get a little carried away--"

"So we'll slow down," Raidou said.

Genma's smile froze. Some of the light left his eyes, leaving him almost calculating. "I like it fast."

"Yeah, but I don't like hurting you," Raidou snapped, angry and unsure why.

Genma paused. "You know," he said finally, "sometimes a little pain is good."

Raidou felt himself wince. "Genma . . ."

Genma smiled. "Really. Relax." He stepped closer, pulling the senbon out of his mouth.

"Sometimes?" Raidou said, as Genma stepped right up into his space.

"Yeah," Genma said, still smiling.

Raidou's eyes narrowed. "So most of the time we can slow down, and no pain."

Genma's smile fell away. "I don't like--"

"It slow. Yeah. But I'm not a sadist."

Anger burned in Genma's eyes. He whipped away, snapping his senbon back into his mouth. "Fuck, what do you care? You're not getting hurt."

"But I don't want to be the one hurting you, either," Raidou nearly yelled. He winced and thought of the neighbors, but they were all Jounin, too. Yelling wasn't entirely uncommon.

"So this is really about you, not me," Genma snapped over his shoulder.

"Yes," Raidou growled. "I don't want to hurt you. How terrible of me, I know. I don't want to feel like a damned rapist."

"You're not a rapist, Raidou! Not if I like it!"

"Do you?" Raidou shouted. "Do you actually? 'Cause I'll be fucked if I can remember more than a time or two I've seen you come. Three, four times maybe. How many times have we screwed?" He leaned back, pretending to count in his head, entire stance sarcastic. "Let's see, there was that mission to Mist--that's twice--and the one with Gai--losing him was a trick, but that was once--and--"

"Oh, fuck you," Genma snarled. "Just because you don't notice--"

"And you've been pretty damn careful to keep me from noticing, haven't you?" Raidou yelled. Hurt was burning into anger in his chest, anger at Genma for using him, anger at the man for hurting himself.

"You know what? You don't want to fuck? Fine. I'll go find someone who does."

"Great," Raidou snarled. "Maybe you should buy a whip while you're at it."

Genma glared at him and stormed out the door, slamming it behind him.

Raidou stood for a moment in overwhelming silence. Then he dropped to the couch. "Fuck," he muttered.

Back to Chuunin and Jounin
Back to the main page