Subreality Times
Issue #2
Monday 8th, May, 2000

Muahahaha! We are baaaaaack...

Shuddup! Who are you to question my sanity, you lowly mortals. Now to the point. The news.

The Bullet:
Nothing Earth shattering. Just random skitterings here and there. The preparations for the Hegira... ummm, that is preparations for DexConIII are proceeding apace, continue to check your neighborhood MessageBoards for updates. Oh! (insert head-smack here)... what am I carrying on about. Of course there is an Earth shattering event, two of them in fact - the second chapter of "Antibodies" by DuAnn Cowart hit the OTL and Tapestry released a meta-fic "Closer". That's it though. Can't say anymore or those ridiculous and completely unfounded hints of plagiarizing IMHO will get a shade of plausibility. Oh yeah, to the rest of the people who posted something and think I'm biased, evil and unfair for not mentioning anything else... you are completely right.

Now... Ah that's right. Recently a plethora of so-called media agencies has appeared. Mostly television-based and Eco-Challenge RR oriented. In the grand old spirit of honest sporting I offer them greeting and advise you all - DO NOT USE THEM.

Our gossip is fresher, brighter and juicier! Accept no imitations. Besides I have it on highly unreliable authority that both Lyssie and Alan like cheese. The Horror!

All right now that I have slandered my competition, driven them out of business with an iron fist and retained my monopoly I shall slay my last obstacle to world domination. Beware Starbucks!

Umm... anyhoo, on with the news.

For those of you questioning the purpose of life - I highly recommend checking out the Message Boards. Ah the feeling of brotherly love, of sisterly love, the pure and unadulterated serenity of people, discussing their differences calmly and rationally... Yeah, riiiiight! But hey, everytime I visit them it somehow restores my faith in the order of the universe. Of course I always thought the universe sucked.... mostly because I was not made Master of All, as I so richly deserve.

Current Affairs:

The Eco-Challenge RR is chugging along, leaving the newer and older RRs writhing in its wake. Still and all, this publication stays by its original analysis. It's just a fad like Internet. It shall blow over shortly.

Metropolitan news:

For the SCML citizens. Read "Closer". Yesss, I only mention it for the second time, because one of my creations was used. The fact that it's brilliantly written piece using some of the most popular original characters in fanfic has nothing to do with this. Nothing I tell ya! What you didn't know? This whole paper is just a tool to open your eyes to the perfection that is me. Those of you who are endowed with a musical appreciation might want to check out D^Knight and Speedy_Paul's filks. However all this is OVERshadowed by the fact that the Scribe has released a Muse FAQ. Find it, read it, learn it, love it.

Moving on. The Eco-Challenge RR is off to an auspicious start. Barely has the teams left the start line as they were set upon by sinister hordes of teletubbies. Vicious gun-battle and various massacres followed. The Times would like to give the special thanks to the member of the Team Mallard, Speedy_Paul who wielded the Voice of God with a great enthusiasm and considerable success and to Rossi, Rowan 7 and DocPersona whose combined effort resulted in the deployment of the Holy Hand Grenade. All in all teletubbies' assault was broken with just a few casualties on the Writers' side. One of the unlucky few was Team Newbie, which was forced to withdraw from the race because of Teletubbies' Onslaught. The captain, Brad, had the following to say, "...Get that F***ing mike outta my face. I said get it outta here. GodDamn!" *Bang*

Yes. The Challengers... or should that be Challenged...hmm. Anyway, they distinguished themselves and brought honor to their families. The numbers of slaughtered monsters continue to climb... now in the hundreds. Isn't it simply maaaahvelous? Of course the fact that they were on the course at all, while it's now widely known that they were NOT a scheduled obstacle, begs the question what was the SCPD doing. This publication, forever welded to the principles of truth and free speech, asked the question. When in course of reply the words "lawsuit," "injunction" and "fine" were mentioned, we have arrived at the conclusion that valiant men and women of SCPD doing an outstanding job. The Times are behind them all the way.

Aaaaall they way. Waaaaay behind. Damn bastards.

Other News:

Speaking of the lawsuits. There is a lot of that going around. Barely out of the settlement with the Bureau (silly buggers, nobody beats the City Hall) the Casino Royale has filed a suit against the Eco-Challenge. The services of the Wolfram & Hart firm has reportedly been retained.

Business:

The city was crippled today as the many of the firms and various establishments were forced to close in view of a general strike. The Fictive Unions are apparently headed by Piotr Rasputin and Pete Wisdom, who stated that they would release the full list of their demands shortly. They also maintain that they have a large enough fund to continue the strike indefinitely. Strangely enough the firms hurt most of all by the strike were the same who attempted to... shall we say gouge Casino Royale, by charging the exorbitant prices for their wares.

Several demonstrations have already taken place. All of them peaceful. The most notable was the 6pm March that passed From Cafe to Collegium. It took more time then others because majority of the Marchers spontaneously decided to take the detour to THOSD. For some tome the crowd picketed outside waving the posters proclaiming "Fictives' Union! We Rule!" and chanting "F. U."

Take that as you will...

Weather report:
It's going to be a dark and stormy night for the next two weeks.

Hasta.


Back to the living room