Subreality Times
Muahahaha! We are baaaaaack...
Shuddup! Who are you to question my sanity, you lowly mortals. Now
to the point. The news.
The Bullet:
Now... Ah that's right. Recently a plethora of so-called media
agencies has
appeared. Mostly television-based and Eco-Challenge RR oriented.
In the grand old spirit of
honest sporting I offer them greeting and advise you all - DO NOT
USE THEM.
Our gossip is fresher, brighter and juicier! Accept no imitations.
Besides I have it on highly
unreliable authority that both Lyssie and Alan like cheese. The
Horror!
All right now that I have slandered my competition, driven them
out of business with an iron fist
and retained my monopoly I shall slay my last obstacle to world
domination. Beware
Starbucks!
Umm... anyhoo, on with the news.
For those of you questioning the purpose of life - I highly
recommend checking out the
Message Boards. Ah the feeling of brotherly love, of sisterly
love, the pure and unadulterated
serenity of people, discussing
their differences calmly and rationally... Yeah, riiiiight! But
hey, everytime I visit them it
somehow restores my faith in the order of the universe. Of course
I always thought the
universe sucked.... mostly because I was not made Master of All,
as I so richly deserve.
Current Affairs:
The Eco-Challenge RR is chugging along, leaving the newer and
older RRs writhing in its
wake. Still and all, this publication stays by its original
analysis. It's just a fad like Internet. It
shall blow over shortly.
Metropolitan news:
For the SCML citizens. Read "Closer". Yesss, I only mention it for
the
second time, because one of my creations was used. The fact that
it's brilliantly written piece
using some of the most popular original characters
in fanfic has nothing to do with this. Nothing I tell ya! What you
didn't know? This whole paper
is just a tool to open your eyes to the perfection
that is me. Those of you who are endowed with a musical
appreciation might want to check
out D^Knight and Speedy_Paul's filks. However all this is
OVERshadowed by the fact that the
Scribe has released a Muse FAQ. Find it, read it, learn it, love
it.
Moving on. The Eco-Challenge RR is off to an auspicious start.
Barely has the teams left the
start line as they were set upon by sinister hordes of
teletubbies. Vicious gun-battle and
various massacres followed. The Times would like to give the
special thanks to the member
of the Team Mallard, Speedy_Paul who wielded the Voice of God with
a great enthusiasm and
considerable success and to Rossi, Rowan 7 and DocPersona whose
combined effort resulted
in the deployment of the Holy Hand Grenade. All in all
teletubbies' assault was broken with just a few casualties on the
Writers' side. One of the
unlucky few was Team Newbie, which was forced to withdraw from the
race because of
Teletubbies' Onslaught. The captain, Brad, had the following to
say, "...Get that F***ing mike
outta my face. I said get it outta here. GodDamn!" *Bang*
Yes. The Challengers... or should that be Challenged...hmm.
Anyway, they distinguished
themselves and brought honor to their families. The numbers of
slaughtered monsters continue
to climb... now in the hundreds. Isn't it simply maaaahvelous? Of
course the fact that they
were on the course at all, while it's now widely known that they
were NOT a scheduled
obstacle, begs the question what was the SCPD doing. This
publication, forever welded to the
principles of truth and free speech, asked the question. When in
course of reply the words
"lawsuit," "injunction" and "fine" were mentioned, we have arrived
at the conclusion that valiant
men and women of SCPD doing an outstanding job. The Times are
behind them all the way.
Aaaaall they way. Waaaaay behind. Damn bastards.
Other News:
Speaking of the lawsuits. There is a lot of that going around.
Barely out of the settlement with
the Bureau (silly buggers, nobody beats the City Hall) the Casino
Royale has filed a suit
against the Eco-Challenge. The services of the Wolfram & Hart firm
has reportedly been
retained.
Business:
The city was crippled today as the many of the firms and various
establishments were forced
to close in view of a general strike. The Fictive Unions are
apparently headed by Piotr
Rasputin and Pete Wisdom, who stated that they would release the
full list of their demands
shortly. They also maintain that they have a large enough fund to
continue the strike
indefinitely. Strangely enough the firms hurt most of all by the
strike were the same who
attempted to... shall we say gouge Casino Royale, by charging the
exorbitant prices for their
wares.
Several demonstrations have already taken place. All of them
peaceful. The most notable was
the 6pm March that passed From Cafe to Collegium. It took more
time then others because
majority of the Marchers spontaneously decided
to take the detour to THOSD. For some tome the crowd picketed
outside waving the posters
proclaiming "Fictives' Union! We Rule!" and chanting "F. U."
Take that as you will...
Weather report:
Hasta.
Back to the living room
Issue #2
Monday 8th, May, 2000
Nothing Earth shattering. Just random skitterings here and there.
The
preparations for the Hegira... ummm, that is preparations for
DexConIII are proceeding apace,
continue to check your neighborhood MessageBoards for
updates. Oh! (insert head-smack here)... what am I carrying on
about. Of course there is an
Earth shattering event, two of them in fact - the second
chapter of "Antibodies" by DuAnn Cowart hit the OTL and Tapestry
released a meta-fic
"Closer". That's it though. Can't say anymore or those ridiculous
and completely unfounded
hints of plagiarizing IMHO will get a shade of plausibility. Oh
yeah, to the rest of the people
who posted something and think I'm biased, evil and unfair for not
mentioning anything else...
you
are completely right.
It's going to be a dark and stormy night for the next two weeks.