Godaime had summoned him, so he had been obliged to go, and deliver this stupid message to this stupid sleeping ninja and his stupid partner. He labored through the night, hour after hour, dragging his body over the rough ground, leaving glistening kanji in his wake. Shortly before sun-up he finished, and curled into a miserable blob, waiting for the stupid, scar-faced, sleeping man to wake up or the stupid, long haired one keeping watch and chewing that stupid weapon to notice his message so he could go home.

ooo

The pub was packed and noisy, but the atmosphere was cozy. Genma and Raidou were crowded into one side of a small booth, Kakashi and Iruka across from them.

"Kampai!" Iruka raised a glass. "Glad you guys made it back from your mission so quickly."

"Yeah, we got called back early," Genma replied.

"So it was aborted?" Kakashi asked

"Well, we didn't have a real time-table. It was reconnaissance."

"Aaa." Kakashi poured the next round of drinks.

Over the next two hours the off-duty shinobi shared a meal and several bottles of sake. They talked and laughed. Discussed shinobi politics. Missions past. Gossip. Weapons.

"Genma, you ever try one of those niobium senbon sets that Itoh's shop sells?"

"Yeah, they're nice. Lightweight. Strong. But damn expensive for something you're probably gonna lose in an enemy's guts."

More drinking. More talking. More laughing.

Raidou wasn't really listening. He was tired. He hadn't much wanted to go out drinking right after getting home, but Genma did. And Genma would remember that he owed Raidou a favor for this, Raidou would see to that.

The rich, laughing voices of his friends lulled him, and he was almost nodding off, pressed between Genma's warm body and the wall, sinking down into the booth, when he felt a sharp jab in the ribs.

"Raidou. Raidou! Wake up!" Genma was laughing and elbowing his partner.

"Wha? Fuck, Genma!"

"We know you do..." Iruka dissolved into peals of red-faced, alcoholic laughter.

Before Raidou could react to the absurdity of Iruka, Iruka for godssake, saying such a thing, Genma was elbowing him again.

"Raidou! Tell Kashi and Ru-kun 'bout how Tsunade's slug buddy shot a load in your face!"

Raidou gaped for a second, his mouth a perfect O, before he recovered and clapped a hand over Genma's wicked tongue.

"Shut the fuck up! He's just drunk..." He started, but Kakashi was leaning in with an intense, interested look on his face, and Iruka was peering at him through misty, red-rimmed eyes with an alertness that the amount of sake in his system should not have allowed him.

Genma chose that moment to lick Raidou's hand, while at the same time he stroked a finger along his inner thigh. Raidou jumped and yanked his dampened hand away, and Genma quickly grabbed it so it could not re-obscure his mouth.

"Yeah, see, when we got our summons to come back, it was from one of Tsunade's special little messengers..."

"Shut up shut up shut up!" Raidou was apoplectic, both from the horror of the story he was facing, and Genma's skilled fingers dancing over his crotch.

"And Raidou kind of... agitated it. Slug busted a nut all over Raidou's face!"

Genma, Kakashi and Iruka fell all over themselves and the table laughing, knocking an empty sake bottle to the floor. Genma wasn't quite as helplessly convulsed with mirth as he seemed, though, for he kept up the agonizing tease in Raidou's pants pocket.

"Genma," the auburn-haired shinobi hissed from the scarred side of his mouth, "you are so going to pay for this!"

ooo

A shaft of rosy sunlight fell across Raidou's sleeping face. He stirred, stretched, then sat up yawning.

"Ohayo, sleepy-head," Genma said, not moving from his position against a sunlit rock.

"Mmmn," Raidou answered. He wasn't known for his scintillating wit at the crack of dawn.

Shrugging the blanket off his body, he stood, then wandered a little ways away from their unremarkable campsite to piss in the privacy afforded by the scrubby brush and dusty rocks.

When he returned, he knelt to pick up the blanket and stow it away, but a glistening on the ground caught his eye.

"Genma, look at this," he called, and the bandannaed special jounin ambled over to his side.

"Look," Raidou pointed. There on the bare earth, written in silvery trails of mucous, were the words, "Go Home." At the end of the last stroke of kanji was a shriveled yellowish blob.

Using the point of a kunai, Raidou prodded the blob, which slowly uncurled itself into a familiar slug shape.

"Hey, little buddy. You one of Tsunade's friends?"

The stupid shinobi had finally noticed him.

"You write this?" Raidou continued. "Must have taken all night, huh?"

And he laughed. The stupid, scar-faced man laughed! He had poked him with a weapon, he had referred to Godaime with almost no respect, and now the fool had the gall to laugh at his hard work?

The slug turned one glaring, stalked eye on Raidou, scrunched up his body, and squirted a gob of slime at the man's stupid face. Without waiting for a reaction, he poofed off to his own dimension. He had completed his mission. The message had been delivered.

Raidou jerked back, hand flying to the mess on his cheek. Some of the slimy, salty, watery substance had landed on his lips and in his formerly laughing mouth. He tried to wipe it off, but the taste and texture had already registered, and his brain came up with only one substance even remotely like this.

His eyes widened as he thought, 'Dammit. I just got slug spooge in my face.'

Genma's jaw dropped, the senbon clattering to the rocky soil, and he nearly fell over laughing. He slapped a hand on his partner's back. "Raidou, shit! Did you just get some face cream from Tsunade's slug?"

"Shut up."

"You did! Shit! That was so funny! That slug just shot his wad in your face!"

Genma was in hysterics. He laughed so hard he turned as red as the sunrise, wheezing and gasping and choking.

"Shut up!" Raidou shoved his friend, continuing to wipe the disgusting slime off his skin. It clung to the wrinkled folds of his scar, and smeared through the stubble on his chin.

"But I thought only I was allowed to do that, Rai-chan!" Genma crooned, wiping at laughter-teared eyes.

"You're asking for it, Shiranui," Raidou growled.

"Aw, are you an unfaithful lover?"

Raidou grabbed the abandoned senbon from the ground and snapped it through the lose cloth at the crotch of Genma's pants, missing the important bits by only millimeters.

Genma froze.

Raidou calmly faced his partner, kissed him firmly, then pulled back and wiped his slime-coated fingers across Genma's lips.

"There. It was a three-way. Satisfied?"

He stepped away.

"Come-on, lover boy. Time to go home."

" You're a bastard in the mornings, you know that?" Genma muttered. But he followed.

End

AN - It's just a very silly one shot. Enjoy. And review.

Extra special thanks to Pesha Vashti for some of Genma's more ribald comments, and to Kiki and Momo for previewing and encouraging the laughter that got me writing this.

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