A fat fly buzzed lazily in the warm, hay scented air of the barn, showing excessive interest in Ino's blonde locks. Annoyed at the noise and the world in general, Ino slipped a shuriken free of her holster and threw it at the insect.
The resulting thud of shuriken--and fly--striking a post, made the deer Shikamaru was holding jerk her head out of his grip.
He gave Ino a withering look. "Go be angry somewhere else," he said, catching the doe by the muzzle to hold her still again. "You're making me work harder."
"I'm angry because you aren't helping," Ino said with a frown, leaning back against the walls of an empty stall. Despite her words, she was much calmer than when she had arrived, finding that screaming and kicking at a naked Shikamaru for being indecent in front of her did wonders for her state of mind.
"What ever gave you the idea that I would be helpful?" he demanded grouchily, holding the deer immobile against his chest long enough to spread iodine on the scrape along her jaw. "I must be giving off the wrong impressions recently."
Ino rolled her eyes and picked up a piece of straw to twine around her fingers. "Stop being so dramatic, this isn't about you. Besides, I'm the one who has to deal with being engaged against her will."
Titling his head to the side, he favored her with a look of weary disgust. "And I'm supposed to do what about this?"
"Give me some advice, damnit," she growled at him, fighting back the immature desire to stamp her foot and scream at him for being an insensitive bastard. Not only would such accusations defeat the purpose of coming to him the first place, he would probably just agree with her in that infuriatingly indifferent way of his and then go take a nap.
It's no fun yelling at people who don't react to it.
"Ch, too much hassle."
"Shikamaru! Do you really want me to spread that story about when you were six---"
"Fine, fine!" he yelled before she could say more, "So bossy. Wait until I'm done with this idiot." Releasing the doe with a gentle swat to her nose, he began packing up the medical supplies. The bottles of iodine and rubbing alcohol fit neatly back into the labeled box he'd taken them from, cotton balls and unused bandages tucked in between them and Shikamaru, of course, took longer in the process than should be humanly possible.
She folded both arms on top of the stall wall and watched his little show, one leg bouncing with impatience. After returning the box to its shelf on the far wall, Shikamaru joined her, hoisting himself onto the stack of hay-bales in the next stall and sprawling across the top one.
"At this point," he drawled, folding his hands behind his head, "Arguing with your parents is pointless. They've decided what's right for you and the more you scream, the less they are going to listen."
"I can't just stand there and let them ruin my life!" Ino protested before he could continue, feeling the irritated certainty that he wasn't listening to her either.
Shikamaru glared at her sidewise through narrowed eyes, irked at her interruption.
"I said 'don't argue with them', not 'agree to everything they say'. Don't be so difficult." He sighed and the dark look was replaced with his usual aura of weary grumpiness. "Let them know you are unhappy by acting that way, not by shrieking at them until they go deaf. Be depressed and withdrawn enough for them to confront you about it, then tell them again why you feel this way. This is assuming that the shock of your silence doesn't kill them first."
She gave him a dirty look, even though the wheels were already turning in her head. "I'm not that loud, Shikamaru."
"Right," he said, adopting an expression one would normally attribute to having just stepped in something unspeakable, "Look, for now be so miserable about having an arranged marriage that they will eventually give up forcing you." A tabby cat jumped up onto the hay bales and rubbed against Shikamaru's feet. "That's how I usually get out of doing useless things."
"You don't act miserable, you just groan about it until no one can stand the incessant bitching," she said, pulling out another length of straw to dangle in the cat's face.
"That too," he yawned, rolling onto his side. "Look at it another way; with you being engaged, its not like your mother can keep nagging you to find someone."
Ino brightened briefly at the prospect, but it was quickly dashed. "But it also means I can't date anyone else either."
"...that's a problem?"
She gave him a dirty look and he returned it, then mellowed. Half-closed dark eyes regarded her seriously. "Your parents really don't want you unhappy, Ino."
The cat caught the straw in its mouth and began chewing on it. Ino tugged the end she held, not looking at Shikamaru. "I know. And that makes it worse."
He grunted, resting his cheek on the curve of his arm and closing his eyes, probably to sleep. Along the rows of stalls, the few deer that were inside huffed as they tore mouthfuls of alfalfa from bins secured to the walls. Bird song drifted in from the thrown open double doors and the thick dust of hay and animal dander danced in the sunlight.
It wasn't, she decided after a while, an awful idea. Except that silently moping in the hopes her parents would realize that they were being tyrannical monsters wasn't Ino's style---it didn't feel like a protest unless she was declaring it from the top of her lungs. Still it would probably work, as Shikamaru's plans were wont to----regardless of how astonishing that fact was at times.
(The incident from two years ago, which had resulted in half the commercial district being shut down for three weeks, was a prime example of that. Not so much in how it at been carried out----in itself brilliant enough that it was now being taught as part of the academy curriculum under the "fun things to do with explosives and subterfuge" category----but because Shikamaru had managed to completely avoid any and all association with the event; even in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary. If Ino ever got arrested, she was going to have Shikamaru as her lawyer.)
Beyond the questionable method of parental manipulation, Ino was more hurt than she cared to admit out loud. She remembered being very young when an older Uncle had said "Such a pretty girl! All the boys will be lining up for this one." And her father had picked her up and replied, "Let them; our Ino is only going to pick the best for herself!" The pride she'd felt over hearing that was the exact opposite of the gut-rolling, tear-inducing anger she currently felt over finding that no, they didn't trust her with that decision at all.
Not to mention the fact that it was the first time in a decade that her father had actively gone against her wishes. It always made life so much more difficult when her mother got the upper hand in the "make father do what I say" department.
"Do you really hate Chouji that much?" Shikamaru's low voiced question broke into her broody contemplation of the dust moots. Ino dropped the straw in surprise. The tabby cat favored her with a glare of feline affront before jumping to the floor and stalking off, tail held high.
"What?" she asked, staring in bafflement, "What does Chouji have to do with----"She stopped and pressed the heel of her hand against her forehead. "I mean besides being the one I'm supposedly engaged to."
Shikamaru somehow managed to leer without actually opening his eyes. It made Ino want to whack him purely on principle.
"Of course I don't hate Chouji!" she groaned, running a hand through her hair, "But there's a big difference between liking someone as a friend and wanting to marry them. Besides, I bet he doesn't want to marry me either."
The silence that followed was laden with far too much significance for Ino's comfort. She blinked twice and then pointed an accusing finger at Shikamaru.
"Stop that!" she demanded. "Don't go implying stupid stuff!"
He moaned like an old man trying to walk with the worse case of arthritis ever seen and turned over onto his other side, giving her his back. "Go home, Ino, you're wearing me out."
"Breathing wears you out."
Ten minutes after Ino finally left----by the front door, and a good fifteen minutes later than Shikamaru would have preferred, as his mother had stopped her in the foyer for a discussion of things distressingly female----Chouji arrived on the Nara clan doorstep with a bowl of left-over Katsu-udon and an expression of stark terror.
Shikamaru let him in and they had a manly bonding session over noodles. Chouji appreciated the comforting presence of a good friend and Shikamaru appreciated someone who didn't mind if he dozed off in the middle of a conversation. Chouji went home sometime later, if not entirely happy, at least more relaxed about the situation he found himself in.
When Asuma came over half an hour after that for a visit, Shikamaru decided he'd had enough company and barricaded himself in his bedroom until his former teacher gave up and went away.
The Next Day
"Go somewhere else, Inoshi. I'm not letting you hide here and I'm not bringing you beer," Izumo flatly informed the man who was trying to become one with the wall of the records office. That in itself was bad enough; the fact that he insisted on doing it right next to Izumo's desk was completely unacceptable.
"Please, just a couple more hours," the tall blonde said desperately, scrunching closer against the wood paneling, "My wife and daughter are being very silent right now. Its frightening."
Izumo wrinkled up his nose in confusion as he stamped his way through a stack of requisition sips at high speed. Then he made another face, this time in disgust, over the oft-lamented fact that he was using his advanced ninja skills to do paperwork. It was almost enough to make him apply for jounin rank again, if he didn't think that Hokage-sama would still have him and his partner shuffling papers all day.
"Isn't that a good thing?" he asked, moving the stack of slips into a wire tray, which was in turn put on the floor and kicked half way across the room. It flew over the age smooth wood without loosing a sheet and was caught by a young chuunin that had been roped into filing for the day.
"No, no," Inoshi said, shaking his head rapidly, "You don't know women; it's worse when they are quiet. It's like this big massive thing hanging over your head, ready to drop on you at any minute."
Izumo didn't hear anything past 'you don't know women'.
"Hey!" he shouted, lunging to his feet, "Just because I live with the guy and we work together and go out together all the time and never seem to date anyone doesn't mean----"
He stopped.
Inoshi stared, in much the same way you stare at a wildly barking dog that had, until five seconds ago, been calmly sleeping at your feet.
Izumo awkwardly cleared his throat and sat back down. "Still, I don't see why you can't just ignore them." He picked up a scroll and broke the seal on it, using the end of a brush to help him scan through the contents.
"It only gets worse if you do that," Inoshi said, leaning the edge of Izumo's desks and knocking a stack of files off kilter. "They get quieter . And then they start not looking at you. But when you ask them what's wrong, they just smile at you in that....that sincere way and say 'nothing honey, I'm fine' but then they sigh like its----"
"Inoshi, stop doing that to my cup," Izumo said, eyeing the 'I love being a Ninja!' coffee mug Kotetsu got him for his last birthday that Inoshi was currently re-enacting his marital difficulties with. At least, Izumo assumed that the mug sticking its handle up at the ceiling and trotting down the edge of the desk was supposed to represent Inoshi's wife in a snit.
Stiffly, Inoshi returned the mug to the coffee colored ring on the desk he'd taken it from and brushed off his pants. "Well, trust me its bad," he said, pretending that he didn't know he'd been acting like an idiot a minute ago.
Putting down his writing tools, Izumo got ready to carry Inoshi out of the building bodily. The man wasn't on duty or even assigned to that sector, and therefore had no business being there. Izumo didn't need the distraction of someone just taking up space.
Before he could get a good hold on Inoshi, unexpected salvation appeared in the shape of a stocky young redhead carrying a records request form.
"Chouji!" Inoshi cried in greeting, rising so quickly from the desk that several items were knocked to the floor. Izumo glared hatefully at his back.
The young Akimichi froze in the doorway, eyes wide, and looked ready to bolt. "Inoshi...um, Inoshi-san..."
Inoshi laughed, obviously in a much improved mood and ambled across the room to put a companionable arm around Chouji's shoulders. "No need to be so formal! We'll be family before too long!"
The boy's fair complexion paled even further. Izumo peered at them over the scroll he had been reading, unable to resist the urge to watch the encounter.
"Um," Chouji said uneasily, "That isn't really even confirmed yet, is it? I mean, there hasn't been an engagement ceremony or---or even a proper introduction or..." The boy's brow furrowed, obviously trying to think of something else to bring up.
Izumo tilted his head and listened closer. A perspective marriage? Interesting.
Inoshi waved off the protest. "You two know each other well enough that there is no need for a first meeting," he said easily and tightened his arm around the adolescent's shoulders, "As for the ceremony..."
He paused and looked thoughtfully at the ceiling. Chouji went taut with tension, eyes shifting wildly to the sides in search of an escape route. Whatever he had been planning to accomplish by bring up an engagement ceremony that certainly wasn't it. For once, Izumo was glad his father had always been too busy to make his life miserable with the same joy and effort most other parents exhibited.
"Well, no need to be so formal this early," Inoshi said jovially, freeing his arm to ruffle Chouji's red-orange spikes affectionately, which earned him an exasperated look he completely missed. "Since it will be at least a year before the actual wedding. But an informal family dinner would be a good idea. Meeting together would give us all a chance to um, get used to the arrangement."
Several expressions competed for space on Chouji's face and he nearly tore the requisition form to pieces fiddling with it. Finally, determination won out over the other emotions. "Inoshi, could we talk privately?"
The older man---who wasn't much taller than the seventeen year old and considerably lighter in build----sobered some and nodded, gesturing with his head to indicate they should go outside. Waving shortly at Izumo, who was mildly disappointed to lose his show, Inoshi followed Chouji from the records office to the exit at the end of the hall.
A large tree grew tight against that side of the building, the branches blocking a third story window showing signs of having been used as alternate way out and the high arching roots were worn smoothing in places from being treated as benches.
Inoshi rested one foot in the shallow dip of one of the roots, folding his arms across his leg and leaning his weight on it. Chouji stood uneasily near him, trying to settle his thoughts into something he could create a mature sounding conversation with.
Unfortunately, now that he had Inoshi's full attention, he wasn't entirely sure what he'd been intending to say in the first place. Surely he'd had some great speech planned about he cared deeply for Ino as a friend and former teammate, and was in fact very flattered that the Yamanaka family had considered him as a good husband for their daughter, but despite this his father had made an obvious mistake in agreeing to the engagement since he and Ino were so incompatible that the relationship could only end in disgrace and trouble for both families.
But when Inoshi looked at him encouragingly, all Chouji could say was "This is really bad idea."
One golden eyebrow lifted in a way that he knew he'd seen Ino use and Chouji found himself babbling on in a conditioned response to the Yamanaka "Oh, really?" look.
"Cause I know this can just go wrong in so many ways and Ino can't be happy with this and I know that you know that an unhappy Ino is very hard to put up with and there are too many problems and plans to consider and Shikamaru told me I should just be calm and honest so I'm going to tell you right now that I would be an awful husband cause I haven't even dated and----"
Inoshi slapped a hand over his mouth and the stream of words was cut off. Chouji stared over the strong hand with mournful eyes.
Smiling in an amused, but sympathetic way, Inoshi said gently, "I've known you since you were five, Chouji, and believe me, you'll be a fine husband. But yes," he sighed deeply and removed his hand, "You aren't ready for it and neither is Ino. You're both very young, with a great deal more important things on your minds."
"But why..." Chouji started, but Inoshi motioned for him to wait.
"I'll be honest," he said, taking his foot off the tree and leaning closer to Chouji to speak in a low voice. He didn't try to put his arm about Chouji again though, which made the adolescent relax a little. "I didn't want to arrange an engagement, but Maiko...well, she feels for Ino what any mother would feel for an only child who puts itself into danger willingly and I don't disagree with the sentiment. In the end, there isn't anything any of us can do to force the two of you into something you don't want. If, in a month or so, you both agree that there is no chance of a stable partnership, the whole idea can be discarded. However I, and I know your father and mother as well, would like to see you give it a chance."
Inoshi winked cheerfully despite Chouji's doubtful expression. "Hey, at the absolute worse, it just means you'll get to spend more time with Ino! She's your friend at least, right?"
"Not after she kills me to ensure there's no chance of a marriage ever happening," Chouji said dismally, to which Inoshi only laughed, clapping him on the shoulder. He was being at least half-serious, but Chouji was surprised to realize that the tight, nervous feeling in his chest had faded somewhat.
It did make him feel better to know that he wasn't going to be stuffed into a wedding kimono and dragged up before a priest tomorrow. Traditional engagements did normally include a period for the couple to get to know each other---surely they had plenty of time to convince their respective families what idiots they were being.
Now, if only he could do that without encountering a righteously annoyed Ino in the mean time...
"Anyway, now that's settled, we still have to arrange a get together!" Inoshi said, reaching back to idly smooth his long tail of wheat-blonde hair, "I'll speak with your father this evening and figure out a time."
"Um," Chouji said uncertainly.
"Don't worry, we'll come up with something convenient for everyone," Inoshi assured him before checking the angle of the sun. The Yamanaka paled slightly. "Ah, I should get um, get going. But! Whenever you need to talk about anything, I promise that I'll make the time for you!" He grinned eagerly at the prospect of discussing masculine difficulties with another male.
Chouji was reminded that Inoshi had grown up with a lot of sisters.
"...I'll remember," Chouji promised in a tone that said "not a chance". Inoshi didn't notice.
"Very well, take care!" Giving Chouji a solid whack to the back---which would have been enough to stagger him if he weren't so large----and jogged off on his own duties. Or avoidance of duties; whichever.
Rubbing the side of his head, Chouji let out a long sigh and went back inside to collect the two-month old mission log that had been his reason for coming to records in the first place.