Notes: Takes place roughly five years prior to "This Future Place". So while the main focus is Ino/Chou, some Neji/Shika is going to work its way in the story too. Which means there will be yaoi.
All comments and criticism is much appreciated.
In retrospect, a derelict bar at two o'clock in the morning was not the best place to have discussed their children's futures.
"No, no, its perfect," Inoshi was saying with great gusto, "They've known each other since forever and they were teammates and..." He stopped, brow furrowed as he tried to remember the third thing. It had been really good too.
"I have no part in this," Shikato said, folding his arms on the sake-stained table and cradling his woozy head on them.
Choumaru let out a rumbling sigh and ate another handful of stale pretzels. Being of greater body mass, he was not nearly so buzzed as the other two and wasn't looking forward to being the one to help them stagger home.
"Come on, Shikato, I'm sure your boy's had his eyes ... eye...whatever, on my girl for a looong time," Inoshi drawled meaningfully, reaching over to punch his friend in the shoulder.
Shikato grunted at the impact but didn't move. "Shikamaru doesn't like girls," he said, somewhat sourly.
"All boys go through that phase," Choumaru said, frowning at the now empty basket of pretzels and exchanging it for his sake cup.
"Exactly!" Inoshi enthused, pumping his fist in agreement with this point and nearly unbalancing himself in the process, "This will be just the thing to loosen him up!"
"I think you're misunderstanding me," Shikato muttered, but Choumaru was already speaking over him.
"Inoshi, I thought you and Maiko-san had decided to let Ino-chan chose her own husband."
Inoshi wilted slightly at that, sagging back into his chair. "I thought we had, too," he said, bracing his elbow on the scarred tabletop, "But Maiko thinks Ino is too picky and troublesome; she turns down every boy who asks us for her hand. Maiko is afraid that if we don't get her a fiance now, we'll never have grandchildren."
"She's not even eighteen yet," Shikato protested, lifting his head to squint at his friend through the smoky bar haze. "And with being a Chuunin and all, she doesn't have time for a fiance."
"That's part of the problem, isn't it?" Choumaru asked with sudden insight, picking up the sake bottle to pour another round for them, "My wife, too, is very frightened that Chouji will die before he has a chance to build a family of his own."
A momentary funk settled over the trio as they contemplated the potential tragedies of theirs and their children's chosen profession. Several silent moments passed.
Suddenly Inoshi jolted up again. "But see its perfect! We'll just engage Ino to Chouji and---"
"I thought you wanted her engaged to Shikamaru?" Shikato asked.
Inoshi waved a negligent hand. "Ah, Chouji's fine too."
Choumaru and Shikato looked like they couldn't decide if they should be offended by that and for what reason exactly.
"But Inoshi, are you sure your wife would be all right with that?" Choumaru asked cautiously, though he was seriously considering the possibilities. The idea seemed better and better the more he thought about it. Which didn't mean much considering his current state of intoxication.
"Maiko will be ecstatic," Inoshi assured them breezily, pausing long enough to toss back another swallow of sake, "Besides, who would be a better husband for my cute daughter than the son of one of my two best friends?"
The so named friends glanced at each other and wondered if now was the best time to remind Inoshi that his wife absolutely despised them.
"I don't know..." Choumaru stalled, frowning uneasily at his hands, "They're still so young and well..." He stopped and bit his lower lip. A large part of him wanted to leave this particular aspect of Chouji's life up to Chouji himself. The rest of him remembered how hard it had been for him to find a wife. Terminal shyness combined with poor body image had made courtship not an experience to be repeated. He'd been very, very lucky to met and fall in love with sweet Ame.
Would Chouji be so lucky? Or should Choumaru make the choice now and spare his son the future pain? After all, it wasn't like Ino and Chouji hated each other, and Chouji may well be desperately in love with the girl but too self-conscious to admit to it. Hell, Choumaru could be doing him a favor.
Or something really stupid.
A shame he couldn't tell which it was.
"Its not like they have to be married right now," Inoshi was saying, making expansive hand gestures for no apparent reason, "They can take some time to get used to it and each other. The house isn't ready for anyone else to move into it anyway."
Choumaru made an 'oh yeah' face as he recalled something. "That's right, Ino-chan is going to inherit the flower shop, isn't she?" Which meant that instead of living in the ancestral Akimichi clan-home, Chouji and Ino would be dwelling in the somewhat cramped apartment above the Yamanaka flower shop. Choumaru wasn't sure how he felt about that.
Inoshi nodded agreeably. "That and the secret family recipe for sweet bean odango. She might even be willing to share it with Ame-san."
Choumaru blinked twice.
Well, what reasonably sane person would argue with that?
Choumaru snatched up his cup and held it aloof. "To the engagement of Akimichi Chouji and Yamanaka Ino!"
Inoshi let out a cheer and laid claim to the entire bottle (whatever was left in it at least).
Shikato stared at them both with the expression of someone watching others commit an act of supreme idiocy. This didn't stop him from picking up his own drinking implement and rather dryly joining the rousing chorus of "Kampai!"
The fact that her mother looked entirely too pleased with life and her father looked slightly hung-over did nothing to help her overall unease.
"What is it?" Ino asked, sitting down in the armchair across from them.
Her mother smiled in a way that reminded Ino of Shikamaru's cat stalking a grounded and injured bird. "We have some wonderful news for you, sweatheart," she said and nudged Inoshi meaningfully.
He jumped slightly. "Ah, yes," he said, smiling despite the headache crease in his forehead, "Well, you mother---and I," he added when his wife's hand tightened on his own, "Have been thinking about your future---"
Uh-oh.
"---and given the danger of being a ninja and the fact that your mother and I are getting on in years, we thought it was time to seriously consider who are you're going to marry---"
"But papa, I haven't met the right person yet!" she said before he'd finished the second syllable. She should have known this was coming; just last week her mother had been getting dewy eyed over baby pictures and that was always a bad sign. "I'm not even dating anyone right now."
"You had been," her mother said under her breath, but not so low that Ino couldn't hear. Ino gave her a narrow look.
"That relationship wasn't going anywhere, mother," she said warningly, the stale taste of an old argument in her mouth.
"He was such a nice, hard-working young man," her mother pushed, "He would have made such a good husband."
"He had a mole. A gross mole. I refuse to marry someone with a mole," she snapped in growing annoyance. This was about her most recent mission, wasn't it? Near-disembowelment and hospitalization always made parents so unreasonable.
"Oh, honestly Ino," Maiko said in that particular, frustrated mother voice that made Ino want to trade places with one of the village orphans. "Must you be so superficial?"
"Yes!" Ino said forcefully, feeling childish and hating it.
In all truth, Kosakai had been a good boyfriend. Attractive, attentive, sociable, and a pretty decent kisser to boot. But that's all he had been; someone cute to pay attention to her and treat her to dinner sometimes. Good looks aside, after three months it just wasn't worth her time. (He'd also had this knee-jerk asshole reaction to Shikamaru and Chouji that had been downright unacceptable. Damnit, she was the only one allowed to talk trash about her teammates.)
"And you're not the one who would have had to look at it all the time," she continued, making an expansive hand gesture, "It was right on his chest!"
Inoshi coughed lightly to remind them he was still there. They ignored him.
"It's not just about Kosakai-kun either," her mother said, leaning forward intensely, "Its about Touru---"
"Oh god, don't bring up Mister couldn't-use-a-napkin-if-his-life-depended-on-it---"
"---and Kenji---"
"---he clicked his teeth! Even you couldn't stand that---"
"---and that Hida boy---"
"---I don't even want to think about him---"
"And who ever else you've been casual with without telling us, " her mother said right over top of her protests, "You play with relationships like it's a game. Why can't you just find someone to stay with?"
Ino sat stiffly, lips pressed tightly together. "Because," she said.
Because it was a game. Because while having a boyfriend was fun, going on missions and spending time with her friends was still far more important. Because she just wasn't ready for the lifestyle change that marriage would require.
And lastly, because none of those boys were Sasuke.
Ino no longer wanted Uchiha Sasuke himself---the whole 'runaway from the village and nearly get her teammates killed' thing was such a turn off---but she would be perfectly happy with the closest possible equivalent of him. In that vein, all her ex-boyfriends had been dark haired, dark eyed, and handsome, usually with that subtle aura of 'cool and confidant' that made the real Sasuke so appealing.
It wasn't her fault that they weren't enough like Sasuke to hold her affections.
"Well, it doesn't matter now," her mother said with a trace of smugness that had Ino's danger alert system screaming, "Because your father and I have a discussed it and come up with the best possible solution. Tell her, honey."
Distracted from his forehead rubbing, Inoshi looked momentarily startled. Finding himself pinned by the gazes of the two women, one smug and the other annoyed, he shrank slightly into the couch.
"Ah, yes, well." He cleared his throat. "I've arranged a marriage for you."
"You did WHAT??" Ino shrieked, springing to her feet as if someone had put a hot coal under her butt. "You-you promised me that I could choose my own husband!! How could you do that to me??"
"Because you haven't chosen!" her mother yelled back, rising from her own seat so as to battle properly.
"Because I haven't found the right one yet!! It---jeez, we were just talking about this, were you even listening to me??"
"You're the one who's not listening, Ino-chan!" Maiko said with the full benefit of her substantial vocal range. Inoshi covered his face and considered sneaking away to get some aspirin. "You have a responsibility to---"
"The village, to my fellow ninja!" Ino yelled.
"---This family! As its only child---"
"Don't you dare blame that on me, you had plenty of chances to---"
"----you have the duty of getting married and having children---"
"I am not some baby-making machine!!"
Both were screaming into each other's faces, words overlapping to the point of being indecipherable and arms flailing about as if they were performing some exotic dance. The man of their lives had assumed an expression of stark terror when he realized that someone was going to have to break this up eventually and the only available 'someone' was himself. Ino wasn't in any state of mind to notice his predicament or care even if she had. She was so angry, her body was shaking with the force of it, hands balled up until her knuckles turned white. This had to be the worse thing they had ever done to her!
In recent memory, at least; she was vaguely certain there was an incident from when she was seven that had been particularly evil on her parents' part.
Between the two of them, every subject from the bindings of tradition to the social/economical status of the Yamanaka household to the time when Ino was three and she broke the microwave while using it to 'punish' one of her dolls, was covered. All in volumes that had neighbors two blocks down wondering what that noise was about.
There was a momentary pause when Ino was forced to breathe again and her mother demanded into the suddenly silence, "Don't you trust your father to chose you a good husband?? I'm certain he has found you the perfect match!"
"You mean you don't know who it is?" Ino asked, aghast. Her mother had the grace to look slightly embarrassed.
"Well, I was so eager to share the good news that I didn't bother to ask," she admitted in a much quieter tone.
Like two puppets connected to the same string, Ino and her mother turned to look meaningfully at the now decidedly pale Inoshi.
Taking a deep breath and forcing himself to sit straight like the fearless ninja he was, not the cowering dog he currently felt like, Inoshi told them.
"I'm what to who?" he asked disbelievingly.
Big hands resting on the glossy surface of the breakfast table, his father said carefully, "I know it's sudden, but the marriage won't happen right away. You'll have plenty of time to prepare for it."
Chouji continued to stare at him, the words 'engagement', 'me', and 'Ino' bouncing around inside his head and refusing to connect with each other. The chip completed the journey to Chouji's mouth and was soon joined by a handful of its fellows, as he tried to settle his emotional duress with the tried and true method of eating something tasty.
"And I'm sure that if, in a couple months, things aren't working out we can discuss calling it off with her family," Choumaru continued, sounding very much like he was trying to reassure a panicky animal, "But you need to give it a chance first. I really think this will be good for the two of you and the clan."
"Wait, wait." Chouji waved his hand and licked salt off of his lips. "Are you saying that Ino, Ino, wants to marry...me?"
Obviously his father was profoundly mistaken. Chouji knew what Ino wanted in a man and it was the exact opposite of everything that Chouji himself was. Possibly on purpose. There was no conceivable way she would have even the smallest interest in marrying him. She wouldn't even look at him sidewise just as boyfriend material; it was completely unbelievable that she would-----
Chouji crashed that train of thought and set fire to the remains. He needed to stop depressing himself so early in the day.
"No," his father said, seeming to deflate slightly, "But I'm sure she will. Once Inoshi has told her about it, that is."
Ah-ha, that explained...wait!
"You mean she doesn't know yet?!" Chouji was unable to keep the horror out of his voice. Knowing Ino, she going to freak and he'd be one of the people to bear the brunt of it. He began scanning the counters of the large, well-stocked kitchen, looking for something to either eat or defend himself with. Ideally both.
"Well, no. It was something Inoshi and I---arranged last night." The expression on his face indicated there was much more to that conversation than Chouji probably wanted to know about. "Come now, I know she'll be ecstatic!"
Chouji stared.
"---she'll get used to it." Smile more sheepish than reassuring, Choumaru escaped his son's incredulous stare to get a glass from the cupboard. "Its not like she hates you or doesn't know you, Chouji. That's better than your grandpa's marriage was." He grinned in the act of pouring juice and said in a much more jovial tone, "Hey, remember that story he told us about the angry bear and how your grandma----"
"Dad," Chouji interrupted, "This is completely different. We work together and---" he stopped and made a helpless gesture at his father's turned back, unable to articulate why this was such a bad idea. Well, beyond the fact that Ino would probably kill him before letting any kind of wedding take place. "Jeez, what did mother say? Or does she not know about this either?" He tried to scoop up another handful of chips only to discover that the bag was empty. He frowned at in affront.
"No, no, I told her," His father clarified quickly, looking back over his big shoulder, "She really didn't say anything though...just shook her head, told me she loved me, and went to work."
"That's no help," Chouji muttered, getting up to throw away the chip bag. At least she wasn't actively encouraging this act of stupidity; hopefully he could talk to her later and between the two of them change his father's mind.
"But I know your mother agrees with the engagement too," Choumaru said with the sort of certainty that is faked for the benefit of others. Chouji gave him a narrow looked that was missed as Choumaru downed his drink then made a beeline for the fridge. "What do you want for lunch?" he asked in a ditch effort to change the subject.
"Father--"
"I can make tempura or okonomiyaki," the older man continued right over top of him, already rummaging around inside of the refrigerator, "Or hey, katsu-udon!"
Chouji sighed and looked up at the ceiling in dismay, wondering if he could make it collapse on top of him by force of will alone. "All three. I might as well get one last good meal in before Ino comes for my throat."
Damn promotion. How the hell had he been talked into applying for jounin rank? No, worse, how the hell had he managed to actually achieve said rank?
Appearantly, failing took a lot more effort nowadays then it did back in the academy. Bah.
Shikamaru settled himself against the wooden edge of the tub, eyes fluttering closed as the intense heat forcibly unknotted his muscles. Within moments he'd relaxed to the consistency of a limp rag. Shifting into a good position so that he wouldn't sink into the water and drown himself, Shikamaru began the slow, soothing drift into unconsciousness.
He hadn't gotten very far when loud, incised feminine yells sounded from outside the bathhouse. Familiar yells that boldly entered the changing room with no concern as to the state of anyone inside.
Shikamaru's eyebrow twitched.
A second later, the sliding door between the changing room and the bathhouse itself was flung open, allowing Ino's rant to be heard in all its soprano glory.
"---utterly insane! No respect at all for my desires and wishes! What is this, twenty years ago? Times have changed damnit and what the fuck is up with not keeping to their promise----"
Shikamaru watched silently as Ino paced back and forth in front of the sunken bathtub, arms waving chaotically about her head and cheeks red with fury. He got maybe one sentence out of every three and she kept changing them in the middle. Slowly, carefully, he slid along the wood until he could reach the small towel folded up near the edge and submerge it over his crotch. Ino was not aware enough of her surroundings to realize that there was a naked man not fifteen feet from her, but he didn't want to deal with the hassle when she did clue in. Adequately covered, Shikamaru leaned back to wait.
The rant lasted some time. Over the course of it, Shikamaru was able to ascertain that her parents had arranged for her to marry Chouji and she was, obviously, not pleased with the prospect.
For all her fuss though, it seemed she was more upset over the engagement itself than whom she was engaged too. Shikamaru mentally shuffled through the various things he knew and had observed about his friends and former teammates, compared it to how she was acting now and reached a conclusion.
Part of that conclusion was that he wanted as little part of this as possible. Another part was the realization that the latter desire had next to no to hope of becoming reality.
Some days, he really wished he could live in the mountains as a hermit, with only himself and a cat to worry about.
"---then mother was just furious that my father wanted my future husband to be an Akimichi and went off on father herself and neither of them would listen after that, so I just had to leave and Shikamaru you have to know how to---"
Ino turned to him and abruptly cut off, mouth dropping open in shock. He glared irritably at her and held the towel down with water-wrinkled fingers.
"SHIKARMAU! Why are you naked?"
The life of a hermit was sounding really nice about now.